1,000,001 Things I Wish I Had Said First
Funny Quotes
You always write it's bombing, bombing, bombing. It's not bombing, it's air
support.
David Opfer
You can fool some of the people all of the time--*those* are the suckers
we're looking for.
A. E. Neuman
You can have my PGP passphrase when you pry it from my cold, dead
brain.
Adam Thornton
You can no more win a war than an earthquake.
Jeannette Rankin
You can observe a lot just by watchin'.
Yogi Berra
You can only drink thirty or forty glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich
you are.
Colonel Adolphus Busch
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven Wright
You can't say civilizations don't advance . . . in every war they kill you in
a new way.
Will Rogers
You couldn't keep a conversation going. Everybody was talking too
much.
Yogi Berra
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the
slowest guy running from the bear.
Georgia Tech professor
You fought the good fight. You were in it right up to the
beginning.
Bruce Babbit
You guys line up alphabetically by height.
Bill Peterson, FSU football coach
You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a
circle.
Bill Peterson, FSU football coach
You have to take the bad with the worst.
Dizzy Dean
You need to stop and think before you get mad again. If you ever do it again,
I'll shoot you.
Judge Perry Bowen
You wouldn't have won if we had beaten you.
Yogi Berra
You write with great warmth and charmth.
Samuel Goldwyn (apocryphal)
You're a parasite for sore eyes.
attributed to Gregory Ratoff
You've got to take the bull by the teeth.
Samuel Goldwyn
Young men are apt to think themselves wise enough, as drunken men are
apt to think themselves sober enough.
Earl of Chesterfield
Young people, do not be led astray by the theory of voting for the man and
not for the party. Vote the straight Republican ticket regardless of the
qualifications of the candidate for office.
C. J. Travis
[Your benefits have been denied because of your death.] If you believe this
information is not correct, please contact Social Security.
official letter from Medicare
Your case will be decided by twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out
of jury duty.
Norman Yarvin
Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is
not original, and the part that is original is not good.
Samuel Johnson