1,000,001 Things I Wish I Had Said First
Funny Quotes

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Rascality has limits; stupidity has not.

          Napoleon Bonaparte

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

          Mark Twain

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.

          Confucius

Red squirrels . . . you don't see many of them since they became extinct.

          Michael Aspel

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds.

          John Perry Barlow

Rembrandt is not to be compared in the painting of character with our extraordinarily gifted artist, Mr. Rippingdale.

          John Hunt

Replacing battery: Replace the old battery with a new one.

          directions for a mosquito repeller

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

          Klingon proverb

Right now, I have the three C's: comfortable, confident, and seeing the ball well.

          Jay Buhner

Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner.

          Andrew Malcolm

Rome wasn't burned in a day.

          Abe Hirschfeld