1,000,001 Things I Wish I Had Said First
Funny Quotes
Gentlemen, I have nothing to say. Any questions?
Phil Watson
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
please.
Mark Twain
Gil Hodges is so strong he could snap your earbrows off.
Casey Stengel
Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the
necessities.
Frank Lloyd Wright
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs
nor kick ourselves too easily.
unknown
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain
Good consistency means that the canned pumpkin . . . after emptying from
the container to a dry-flat surface . . . holds a high mound formation,
and at the end of two minutes after emptying on such a surface the highest
point on the mound is not less than 60 per cent of the height of the
container.
Defense Department specifications for the procurement of canned pumpkin, paragraph 52.2747
Good judgment comes from experience; and experience, well, that comes from bad
judgment.
anonymous
Good morning, dear lemons. How juicy you look today.
label on a Japanese lemon soft drink