Today I came out from under my rock to see what was happening in the financial world, and found that today was one of the worst days of the financial meltdown. I found myself thinking about Martha Stewart, and wondering whether insider trading should have been included as the seventh income stream in Online Business School.

Seven years ago, Martha sold all of her ImClone stock on insider information the day before an 18% drop, avoiding a loss of $45,673. She denied it when questioned, saying “I just want to focus on my salad.” But sure enough, she was eventually convicted of conspiracy, obstruction of an agency proceeding, and making false statements to federal investigators. She was given a free five-month vacation in Camp Cupcake, and fined $30,000.

I didn’t follow this story closely, but am I missing something here? Did she actually profit from the deal, even after the conviction? I’m not an economist, but it seems that one good way to reduce the deficit is by raising the “insider trading tax.” I’m not a big fan of taxing the rich just because they’re rich, but if they’re guilty of illegal riches, can’t they share the wealth a little?

Below are the lyrics I remember from the parody song “Martha,” to the tune of Barry Manilow’s Mandy. I heard it on the radio years ago, but I can’t find it online. I wish they did a video, because it really loses a lot without the tune.

She got an inside Wall Street tip
Now she’s gonna pay for it
Her broker says she lied
She’ll soon be indicted
She’s facing lots of time
And we’re so excited

To see her walking out in cuffs
Twenty years won’t be enough
Dress her up in stripes
Send her to Sing Sing
Keep her there for life
It would be a good thing, oh Martha

Well they’ll get you for insider trading
Then they’ll send you away, oh Martha
When we’re laughing so hard that we’re shaking
What’s your stock worth today, oh Martha

You had everything and you spoiled it
Now they’ll lock you away, oh Martha
Pretty soon you’ll be sharing a toilet
With your cellmate

I’m going to have to switch my bracelet to do this, but I have to complain about taxes, as I do every year. What’s up with these income tax rebates?

The last time we got rebates to stimulate the economy, the IRS spent a lot of money to send the checks out. I’m not talking about the value of the checks; I’m talking about the cost of mailing the envelopes. I forget exactly how much it cost, but it was at least $100 million.

Not a lot of money for a big country, you say? With a $9.5 trillion debt, I don’t think we can afford to throw away pennies. Besides, isn’t there some program that could use the money for better things than paper, ink, stamps, envelopes, stamp lickers, and envelope sealers?

I don’t remember how they handled the rebates last time, but here’s what they’re doing now. First, they sent out letters to everyone, telling them they might get a rebate. Next, they’re going to send out letters to the people that qualify, telling them that their check is coming. Then they’re going to actually send the checks. How much is this going to cost? Why not just reduce the tax rates and not send any letters?

And another thing, the government wants us to spend the rebates. How is that supposed to stimulate the economy? I don’t see how we can spend our way into this mess, and also spend our way out of it. But it is what it is. I don’t work for the IRS, I just have to deal with them. So I’m off my soapbox…until next April.

Note: I’m away on vacation right now. I’ll respond to comments when I return.