In season 3 of the reality show Beauty and the Geek, Mario and his partner were sent home because of this question:

“What is the term that refers to your date duplicating your body language or adopting your speaking rhythm?”

Mario answered “mimicking,” but the official answer was “mirroring.” I’m not sure that Mario’s answer was technically wrong, but mimicking usually refers to imitation for the purpose of making fun of someone, while mirroring is imitation for the purpose of building rapport.

A good example of mirroring is shown in this scene from Hot Shots!, where Charlie Sheen on his motorcycle mirrors Valeria Golino on her horse (until he can’t keep up).

Mirroring can be done in many ways, because there are so many aspects to our behavior. You might see that someone is leaning against a wall, with their hands in their pockets, looking relaxed, speaking slowly and softly, and sometimes glancing at the floor. You can pick any of these behaviors to mirror.

To some extent, you naturally mirror people you like. If you think about it, you’ll probably see that you act slightly differently depending on who you’re talking to, because it just seems right to blend in a little. People also mirror because they look to others to determine acceptable behavior. Some people say the best way to silence a drunk is to speak softly, which encourages them to do the same.

People like being mirrored because they like people who are similar to them, even if they’re not aware of it. They might not realize that you’re mirroring them, but they’ll have a good feeling about you. You might even be able to pick up on their feelings by copying their movements. And keep an eye out for when someone is mirroring you, because it means they like you.

Obviously, you don’t want to overdo it. If you match someone’s movements perfectly, imitate their accent, and parrot back everything they say, they’ll think you’re making fun of them. Then they’ll ask “Why are you doing that?” and you’ll repeat “Why are you doing that?” They’ll say “Stop that!” so you’ll say “Stop that!” and they’ll think you’re in third grade.

Have you ever tried mirroring someone deliberately?