Dirk de Bruin (perhaps better known on the internet as Diggy) has released his Confidence Black Book, a complete 30-day guide to becoming a more confident person in all areas of life.

I had initially assumed that it was about dating, but it really has a much broader scope, covering diet, exercise, relationships, career, and other things. In short, it’s about conquering limiting beliefs that stand in the way of increased happiness, success, and goal achievement.

I appreciate that he based the book on his own personal experiences, as he spent seven years learning how to build confidence and the kind of life he wants to live. That’s how he can say for certain that his stuff works, because he used it all himself.

While I thought he had a lot of good insights in the book, I cheated by skipping the 30 daily tasks he gives. (Tip: don’t do this!) I also skipped over the bonuses (12 motivational videos and an NLP visualization method video, so there’s even more value than meets the eye.

He’s set up an opt-in page to a series of free videos with tips and insight into becoming more confident. I haven’t seen them, but if you want the secret to indestructible confidence, you know what to do.

In Want to Get Rich? Be (Moderately) Happy, Laura Rowley talks about some studies that have revealed surprising downsides to extreme happiness.

What? Surely this is heresy! Supreme happiness is the holy grail that we spend our whole lives looking for. You can never have too much of it, right?

Well, let’s just see.

People were asked to rate themselves on a happiness scale of 1 to 10. The perfect 10s had the most self-confidence, energy, close friends, and time spent dating. That’s not unexpected. Everyone likes happy people. Also, research showed that the 10s were likely to misremember things for the better, to recall being happier in retrospect than they actually reported at the time. This makes it easier for them to see the best in people.

What about the people who were happy but not too happy? The 7s and 8s did the best in terms of grades, class attendance, conscientiousness, income, education, and career. The idea is that moderately happy people receive a lot of benefits from their happiness, but they also harbor a touch of dissatisfaction that pushes them to strive for more. This may be a bit surprising, but it makes sense. If everything is perfect, you get comfortable and stop trying so hard.

It turns out that there’s an even bigger downside to excessive happiness: death. The extremely happy don’t live as long as the moderately happy.

Even the researchers were shocked by this one. They speculate that the reason may be because the super happy don’t pay enough attention to illness, or they don’t recognize the danger of the risks they take. Also, sustained euphoria takes its toll on the body, just like chronic stress. And because people aren’t genetically programmed to be extremely happy all the time, some people turn to drugs as happiness boosters.

University of Illinois psychology professor Ed Diener said, “Happiness, like spirituality, is partially a private pursuit, defined by individuals based on their personal values. Be wary when people tell you to live for the moment, to strive for an exciting life, or that you ought to be happier. Chasing super-happiness is a mistake that can lead you astray and be self-defeating.”

Yes, there’s always a downside to having too much of a good thing, even happiness.

Photo by JasonRogers

It’s been about five months since I last wrote about Alex Fayle, the “Someday Syndrome” guy. For those who don’t know him, he specializes in helping people uncover hidden patterns so they can break their procrastination habit and start living the life they desire.

He’s taken his previous ebook off the market to update and expand it. But he’s also just released his new one: I’ll Get Around To It Someday: A Practical Guide To Getting Things Done.

In this new ebook, he gives us more insight into how to end the procrastination that makes us put our somedays off to, well, “someday.” When you learn how to kill the disinterest, inertia, and fear at the roots of procrastination, you can start making serious progress on what’s important to you.

If you ever find day after day going by, without taking steps towards your dreams, definitely check it out.

I usually roll my eyes whenever I see a title containing the word “rich.” That goes double for the word “happy.” So why on earth would I use both the words “rich” and “happy” in a post title? Because this is about the new book How To Be Rich And Happy by Tim Brownson and John Strelecky.

I know, a title like that makes you want to ask “What the hell were you thinking?” (It’s actually my first question to Tim below.) But this is actually a book of substance and not hype. Instead of writing a normal review, I thought it would be better to interview Tim about what being “rich and happy” means.

But very quickly, here’s what you get. This is an electronic book delivered to you by instant download, but its 218 pages have the look and feel of a “real book.” It contains a tremendous amount of information, a great variety of material, and it keeps things fun. You can download the first three sections for free, and it’s backed by an amazing 12 month money-back guarantee.

It also includes:

- #1 Best Selling author John P. Strelecky’s inspirational book “Life Safari.” John’s works have been translated into nineteen languages and been best-sellers around the world.

- Tim Brownson’s critically acclaimed book – “Don’t Ask Stupid Questions, There are no Stupid Questions.”

- Access to an ongoing library of video tutorials in which John and Tim explain the exercises and findings in How to be Rich and Happy.

Update 10/9/2009: Due to numerous complaints, the price has been dropped from $97 to $47. However, it no longer comes with the two additional ebooks.

Go check it out now. Well, if you can wait a bit, read my interview with author Tim Brownson first.

Hunter: First things first, Tim – there’s no way we can avoid talking about the title. You know you were setting yourself up for ridicule by calling it “How To Be Rich And Happy.” If your book were a kid on the first day of school, it would be the one with a bowl haircut, the latest pocket protector with the memory expansion pack, and a t-shirt with a bullseye labeled “aim fist here.”

I’ve noticed that a lot of the fluffy self-help books use certain trigger words in the title to magnetically pull people in. The problem is that often there’s not enough substance inside to make it worthwhile. And readers find that an irresistible title has made them buy a book containing nothing but recycled platitudes and sales pitches for overpriced workshops.

So, when I heard that your upcoming book is titled “How To Be Rich And Happy,” well, let’s say it’s a great credit to your reputation that I didn’t immediately vomit in terror! But while I was mocking the title for the first few pages, I have to say that by the end of the book I was actually a fan of the phrase “rich and happy.”

Tell us about rich and happy. What does that mean to you?

Tim: Relieved to hear you didn’t vomit in terror, that wouldn’t be a good thing. Interestingly enough my reaction to the title was very similar to yours. When John told me he was planning a book called “How To Be Rich and Happy” I barely managed to control my mirth, as I was about to drive off the first tee.

If I hadn’t known John I would have dismissed it out of hand. Even when he sent me the draft I didn’t even read if for over a month, but when I did, I thought, wow!

The title will definitely raise a few eyebrows and some people will think it’s a scam to help me and John get Rich and Happy, but we’re prepared for that.

The point is we couldn’t think of a better way to describe what we were doing and to go all coy and bashful because we were worried about what others would think wouldn’t have served anybody. And at the end of the day who doesn’t want to be rich and happy?

Hunter: I’ve known you through your blog for a long time, but I hadn’t heard of your co-author John Strelecky. How did you decide to write it with him? What do you each bring to the table?

Tim: How I met John is really weird. I had a copy of his book “The Why Café” and wanted to ask a question. I shot him an e-mail and he responded with a reply almost immediately saying “let’s meet for breakfast.” I thought, “What the hell is this nut job talking about?” I had no idea he lived only a mile down the road, he could have been anywhere in the U.S. for all I knew!

That was over 3 years ago and we became good friends sharing a very similar outlook on life. His book “The Big 5 For Life” is one of my favorite business books of all time and one I’d encourage anybody to read.

So as I was reading the draft of the book I kept thinking “I want in on this project!” So I asked him if he’d consider letting me co-author and he said yes. Easy when you ask!

In terms of what John brings to the table. He was a very successful consultant and independently wealthy by the time he hit his early 30′s. He’s also had a lot of experience living the Rich and Happy life and spends upwards of 6 months per year traveling because that’s what he loves to do.

I’ll let you judge what I bring! A funny accent maybe?

[Hunter's comment: Tim is being a bit modest here. You can read more about him on the About page of How To Be Rich And Happy.]

Hunter: Your book’s introduction is bound to remind people of Napoleon Hill’s classic Think And Grow Rich. That’s a book I enjoyed very much, though like most classics, it’s sorely dated. In what ways would you say your book is similar to TAGR, and how is it different?

Tim: John loves TAGR and I am more ambivalent toward it probably because it is so dated now and I can’t remember it that clearly.

There has been a conscious effort by us both to make this a process that people can follow easily. We did 6 or 7 rewrites in the last 3 or 4 months to make sure the book “flowed” for people. In that way I guess it is a bit like TAGR. I actually received a DM on Twitter from one of my own favorite authors in the UK, a guy called Michael Heppell saying he thought it was like TAGR for the 21st Century.

[Hunter's comment: Darn, he stole what I was going to say in my testimonial! ]

The differences are tricky because it’s about 4 years since I read TAGR, but I have no recollection of the importance we place on values and understanding what your own core values are. I could be wrong on that though because I have read one or two books in the meantime.

Hunter: Who is your book meant for? If you come across a burned out lawyer who just can’t take another day of work, a single mother who dreams of the day she can spend more quality time with her kids, and an aging idealist who never figured out what he wants to do with his life, who are you going to recommend your book to?

Tim: Are you ready for a huge cop out? All of them! Because what we do starts at the level of identity and ascertains what drives somebody at an unconscious level it can work for literally anybody that applies the formula to their life. Obviously the path will be different for different people, but I would be lying if I said it would benefit one type of person more than another and that is quite deliberate.

Actually scratch that, it will benefit anybody that is actually prepared to do what is necessary. Anybody thinking of buying it and hoping they will get Rich and Happy purely by reading it, is in for a huge let down and I’d advise them to save their money. One of the positive side effects of the price is we know we’ll get a higher than average percentage of people doing the work.

Hunter: I know you’re an NLP Master Practitioner, but my knowledge of NLP is pretty much limited to what the acronym stands for – neuro-linguistic programming. Does your book teach any NLP techniques, or is that something you need to hire a high-priced shrink for?

Tim: LOL, not many high priced shrinks use NLP although some of the processes are starting to be picked up and move into the main stream.

There is plenty of NLP in there although it may not always be visible as NLP to the casual observer. There are some obvious techniques like anchoring, reframing and using submodalities to help the reader change their subjective experience about an event and there is also some subtle use of language patterns designed to get people to do the work!

Hunter: Many parents tell their kids they can grow up to be president if they put their mind to it. Is that true?

Tim: On a local level I think it’s perfectly true. However, on a global level it obviously cannot be true, there is only one President. I think it’s important to encourage kids to believe anything is possible within physical reason.

I much prefer clients that come to me have outrageous goals than puny simple goals that will probably happen by default. The latter have usually had their dreams knocked out of them as kids by constantly being told to, “be more realistic” As one of the chapters says, “realism is for accountants,” and in my opinion it stifles creativity and kills hope.

Hunter: How do you know your formula can work for someone who is sincere in their desire to apply it? Don’t we all vary dramatically in our strengths, interests, assets, connections, opportunities, etc? So how can there be one formula that works for everybody?

Tim: Because the formula is dynamic and will vary from person to person. Our starting point is to say “Look, we don’t know what Rich and Happy means to you. We don’t know what your core values are and we don’t what your belief system is like. However, we can show YOU how to find that stuff out and start to lay the foundation for moving forward.” What we do that in my experience a lot of self development books don’t do, is explain how this stuff works and we back up a great deal with a lot of cutting edge medical and scientific research.

Not only that, but it’s the blueprint I use with clients so I have first hand experience of knowing it can work across all types of people.

Tim Brownson is a Life Coach out of the UK but now living in Florida and with clients all over the globe. He runs the blog The Discomfort Zone where he takes a light-hearted, left field approach to self-development and refuses to take himself too seriously.

His latest book How To Be Rich And Happy is now available for the bold and daring.

Erin Pavlina has an ebook out called 10 Ways to Raise Your Vibration in Under 10 Minutes. It’s free, but you have to sign up for her newsletter “Spiritual Wisdom for Conscious People” (you can unsubscribe at any time).

It’s a very quick read, with 10 tips you can put into practice right now to “raise your vibration.” If that sounds too mystical for you, you can substitute the phrase “put yourself in a good mood.”

Are you feeling depression, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, gloominess, shame, grief, apathy, or helplessness? If so, you’ll learn ways to instantly trade all that in for strength, happiness, vibrancy, cheerfulness, delight, elation, euphoria, hopefulness, lightheartedness, and peace of mind. (Wow, the thesaurus is sure getting a workout!)

How do you celebrate life? Let me count the ways. OK, there are 114 ways by my count.

Of course, I’m probably biased, having just read Marelisa Fabrega’s free ebook 114 Ways to Celebrate Life.

Just click and download instantly, no email address required. Then get lots of ideas for how you can make your life more enjoyable today. It kinda reminds me of Zen Habits.

As I went though the list, I kept count of how many of these things I’ve done in the last week or so. I’ve done 11 of them, including blowing bubbles (#36), going to a baseball game (#73), and eating Lucky Charms (#83).

(It would have been 13, but unfortunately the list does not include getting something from the ice cream man, or playing basketball with a stuffed cow.)

How many of the 114 have you done recently?

Incidentally, this is an example of a list post (or list ebook) done right.

In the 1991 Simpsons episode “Stark Raving Dad,” Homer wears a pink shirt to work, is mistaken for a “free thinking anarchist,” and gets sent to a mental institution. When it’s time to decide on his roommate, one of the asylum workers says “put him in with the big white guy who thinks he’s the little black guy.”

It turns out to be someone who thinks he’s Michael Jackson (and who was actually voiced by Michael Jackson, though credited as John Jay Smith and not revealed until later).

This guy may be delusional, but he sure is nice and helpful. When Bart doesn’t get his sister Lisa a birthday present, she gets very upset. “Michael” tells Bart that when he was a kid he didn’t have much money, so for his sisters’ birthdays he wrote them a song to show that he cared. And so he helps Bart find the words he can’t say in the song Happy Birthday Lisa (written by the real Michael Jackson though sung by Kipp Lennon). Lisa calls it the best present she ever got.

After “Michael” says his work is done and starts walking away, Bart asks why his voice suddenly changed. His answer is:

“This is my real voice. My name is Leon Kompowsky and I’m a brick layer from Patterson, New Jersey. All my life I was very angry until one day I just [switching to Michael Jackson voice] talked like this. All of a sudden everybody was smiling at me and I was only doing good on this Earth. So I kept doing it. To make a tired point, which one of us is truly crazy?”

This is just one of the many gifts Michael Jackson gave the world. Maybe not his biggest one, but just another thing he did to make people smile.

Everyone is talking about Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers: The Story of Success. Many people say it’s great, and it is.

It’s filled with amazing insights into success. It took me a long time to read it because I found that reading just a few pages sometimes gave me enough to hold me over all week.

You can read the prologue here and some excerpts here. (See “The 10,000 Hour Rule,” “Harlan Kentucky,” and “Rice Paddies and Math Tests” in the sidebar. The last one was enough to make me start learning to count in Cantonese.)

Just be aware that it’s not a how-to guide with a list of steps to take. In fact, his idea that successful people are merely a product of their environment might make you go all fatalistic like the Merovingian. It’s meant to be more intriguing than practical.

My only disappointment is that I was hoping for a lot more detail about the 10,000 hour rule that he’s so well known for. It says that pretty much anyone can become successful in pretty much anything if and only if they put in 10,000 hours of practice.

But what level of granularity does that apply to? Does 10,000 hours of being creative make you successful at being creative, or is that too broad? Does it really take 10,000 hours of practice to be successful at reciting the alphabet, or is that too narrow?

In Success Is For Suckers, I wrote about whether success is worth it, in response to Glen Allsopp’s post What Malcolm Gladwell Should Have Told You In ‘Outliers’. Now having finished the book, I can better see what Glen was talking about.

Compare these two examples from the book of people who sacrificed their childhood in the name of success. One was Bill Gates. He sacrificed his childhood to become the richest man in the world doing what he loved. That’s way more than a fair tradeoff.

Another was a poor girl named Marita. She sacrificed her childhood for an 84% chance of catching up to her grade level in mathematics. It’s not mentioned whether she got there, and if she did, we’re only talking about mediocre math ability by the standards of a country that’s notoriously bad at it. The link between that and success is far from clear.

Of course, Bill Gates didn’t know things were going to work out so well for him. But he would have gladly made the sacrifice regardless, just because it was more appealing to him than anything else he could be doing. Maybe Marita feels the same way. I hope she does.

But not knowing the outcome in advance can make the decision very difficult. In eighth grade, I had to decide what high school I wanted to go to. I could have gone to my local high school, which was a perfectly good one. Or I could have applied to the Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology, which has been ranked the #1 public high school in the country by U.S. News and World Report.

Although TJ would have been an incredible experience, there was a price to be paid. If I remember correctly, I would not only be leaving for school earlier in the morning, but I’d be getting home at 7 or 8 every night instead of 3 in the afternoon like a normal kid. And that’s to say nothing of homework, or how stressful it would be during the day.

My dad made it very clear to me what the tradeoff was. He said, “If you want to learn everything you possibly can about math and science, then this would be the best thing in the world for you. But if you don’t, you would absolutely hate it.”

I went to the regular school, and to this day I’m still pretty sure I made the right choice. I think I learned plenty, and I probably would have gone to the same college anyway (the University of Virginia). And remember that there are some advantages to, you know, not sacrificing your childhood.

On the other hand, say my future self had come to me in eighth grade and said, “If you go to TJ, you’ll become interested in robotics. Because of that, you’ll go to MIT. There, you’ll meet a professor who will steer you towards nanotechnology. You’ll go on to invent a race of nanobots that can be injected into the blood stream and safely kill cancer cells. You’ll be an outlier. But if you don’t go to TJ, then none of this will happen.”

In that case, then yes, of course I’ll make the sacrifice, knowing that the payoff is coming. But no one wants to make a sacrifice when your best prediction is that it’s not worth it. And not knowing the future is what makes it so hard to make the right decision.

One of the books I’m reading now is Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell. I’m just reading a little bit here and there, but I’ll definitely be reviewing it when I’m done.

So far, it’s about how success is less dependent on talent and hard work than we think. Yes, it still takes a lot of hard work (according to the 10,000 hour rule) and a good amount of talent. However, one critical factor is often ignored – the environment that made you who you are. It turns out that random factors such as your birth date can be hugely important.

But my review will come later. For now, I just want to talk about what success means.

In What Malcolm Gladwell Should Have Told You In ‘Outliers,’ Glen Allsopp says that while he’s a huge fan of Outliers, he has one problem with it. Namely, that Gladwell tends to define success as a large bank balance or some form of status. Glen says:

“While Bill Gates spent years behind a computer screen, people his age where going to parties, sunning on the beach, meeting new people and making the most of life…yet he has made it.

While kids were playing the violin for hours every week, their friends were playing in the park, running through fields and making the most of their childhood. Yet now the violinists are professional or well known…they’ve made it.”

I agree, people who are considered successful have paid an enormous price to get there. If you’re willing to accept being “average” or “good” instead of “off the charts,” you can free up massive amounts of time for other things.

Someone who’s OK with being a little overweight might be a lot happier than a gym rat who works out several hours a day. Someone who’s OK with being a little uninformed might be a lot happier than a Jeopardy champion. It’s much, much easier to be average than an outlier.

Still, the book is about success, not happiness. To learn about success, it makes sense to study Bill Gates and world class violinists. On the other hand, we don’t need to read a book to learn how to go to parties and play in the park. If you want to do those things, you’re free to just do them.

Which brings me to this question: Is success important?

That may sound like a strange question, but it has to do with how you think of success. A lot of people think success is the ultimate measure of your life. Either you’re successful and you’ve had a good life, or you’re unsuccessful and you’ve had a bad life.

I don’t see it that way. To me, success simply means what the traditional definition says. For now, let’s just use this dictionary definition: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.

Is there more to life than the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence? Of course! I’ve written about a lot of things that are important to me, but which have absolutely nothing to do with wealth, favor, or eminence.

Some people want to be successful. Some people want to be happy. Some people want to be in good shape. Some people want to travel. Some people want to learn. Some people want lots of friends. These are all different things, none of which is the be all, end all of life. We all value different things.

And guess what? It’s OK if you don’t want to be successful!

But wait, if you’re not successful, does that make you unsuccessful, a failure, a bad person? Not at all. I can’t play the violin, but I wouldn’t consider myself a failed violinist. The violin just isn’t important to me, so it’s not how I judge myself.

Likewise, I wouldn’t consider Barack Obama a failed dentist, or Mohandas Gandhi a failed football player. Maybe they’re not good at those particular things, but they have different objectives.

When you walk past a homeless person, your first thought probably isn’t “Wow, look how successful he is!” Because face it, success, as defined by society, means money. After all, money is what society invented as a store of value. On the other hand, no one needs to feel threatened by this, because you don’t need to make money a priority if you don’t want to.

If you want to live the life of the Mexican fisherman, fine. But don’t redefine “success” to mean “happiness” just because it’s much easier to achieve, and you have this false idea that all good people are required to be successful. It’s perfectly fine to decide that success – or if you prefer, “traditional success” – isn’t important to you.

Some people are meant to chase success, but most aren’t. Not everyone can be in the richest 1%, or the healthiest 1%, or the most educated 1%, or the happiest 1%, or the friendliest 1%, and so on. We have to decide on our priorities.

I once met a homeless woman who was doing exactly what she wanted with her life: enjoying the weather, scenery, and tourists outside the White House while protesting nuclear weapons. No sane person would consider her successful, and she wouldn’t be the subject of a book like Outliers, but she was doing what she wanted to do.

And in the end, isn’t that what we should all be striving for?

Oh, regarding the post title – is success for suckers? Yes, but only if you spend your life chasing it at the cost of things that are more important to you. However, if success is important to you, then we have something in common. There’s room for both types.

Photo by aloshbennett

With this awful recession weakening people’s spirits, it’s important to remind ourselves now and then that there’s a lot of stuff to feel good about. Here are 5 of my favorite YouTube videos that never fail as mood boosters. Any one of them could make your day. Watch all 5 and you might choke on your own happy hormones.

Susan Boyle auditions for Britain’s Got Talent

I just came across this one yesterday via Career Renegade, but it’s quickly taking the world by storm. Susan Boyle, a plain looking, unemployed, 47 year old woman, did a singing audition last week before a highly judgmental audience, including the brutal judges Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan. (YouTube embedding is disabled for this one, but just click on the picture.)

Reunion with Christian the lion

John Rendall and Ace Berg rescued a lion cub from a sad life in a London department store in 1969. After Christian the lion got too big for them to keep, they had to return him to Africa. Then after he readjusted to the wild, John and Ace paid him a visit. Would he remember them?

Mister Rogers addresses the U.S. Senate

President Lyndon Johnson proposed a $20 million grant for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, but President Nixon wanted that amount cut in half. A youngish Mister Rogers went before the tough-as-nails Senator John Pastore, to persuade him that children are worth investing in.

Nick Vujicic living life without limits

Being a little different isn’t stopping Nick Vujicic from being happy, or inspiring millions of people.

Free parking changes the world

The short film Validation raked up awards at film festivals in 2007. No wonder, when you see what free parking can do for people. 16 minutes, but definitely worth setting aside time for.

By the way, a couple of these videos were popularized by big bloggers a few months ago, but subscribers to my newsletter saw them first. Sign up now, so you don’t miss the next one!