I’ve just finished week 1 of my Myers-Briggs trials. This week focused on extraversion.

The timing of this experiment helped me tremendously. Since I’m on a mini-retirement, I have a lot more free time. That made it much easier to spend more time with other people, because I still had plenty of time to myself. If I was still working, it would have been ten times harder.

Even so, it’s a good thing I decided to judge myself by effort instead of results. Despite my efforts to talk more than any reasonable person should, I still had someone ask me, “Why are you so quiet?” Oh well, I tried. My main difficulty is that I find it so hard to talk when I have nothing to say. I just can’t get random words to come out of my mouth.

While I confirmed that I like introversion a whole lot better (as I expected), there’s one particular aspect of extraversion that I think is worthy of consideration by introverts. Introverts tend to be slow to speak, and then later be mad at themselves for not saying anything. Extraverts tend to be quick to speak, and then later be mad at themselves for saying something they shouldn’t have. Of course, both extremes are bad, but maybe it’s worth trying to err a bit on the other side for a change.

I found it funny that some people didn’t want to let me be an extravert. One night I was having dinner in a bar, and the bartender wouldn’t stay and talk to me, even though he wasn’t busy. I was thinking, “Come back here! I need to make small talk to get extraversion credit!” But I didn’t force it.

Some people say that eating in front of other people makes them nervous. I don’t feel that myself, but I do prefer not to talk much when eating, because it’s just too much going on. Besides, you’re not supposed to talk with your mouth full, right?

I also don’t like loud places. I just don’t get how people can be energized from being around noise. I managed to avoid the peak times at the bars, but one place was still pretty loud. It didn’t kill me, but it’s sure not my preference. I don’t like smoky places either, but fortunately I didn’t find any.

Twitter is a great socialization tool for introverts. Even though it’s online, I think tweeting can be considered extraverted because it’s all about shallow conversations with lots of people. The reason it’s great for introverts is because you only have to follow who you want to follow, you only have to reply when you want to, and you can turn it off whenever you want. In the last week, I spent much more time on Twitter, and tweeted a lot more by relaxing my standards of what was tweet-worthy. I didn’t find this hard at all, but it came with a huge downside of taking up lots of time because of the constant interruptions.

I spent a lot of time on the phone, which was kind of hard to do. I like face-to-face conversations a lot more than phone conversations. I’m not sure why, but they feel completely different. Spending time with someone means something, but a phone call always seems like an interruption to me. Sometimes it’s a necessary interruption, but then I feel like I have to say what I have to say, and then get back to what I was doing. Even when I like the call, I always think that seeing them in person would be a much better use of my time.

One extraverted ritual that I decided not to partake in is the phone face-off. I was talking to someone when another call came through, and I pushed the “ignore” button. I told the person I was talking to that for some reason, my new cell phone keeps beeping even after you push “ignore.” When they heard I had another call, they said it was fine if I wanted to take it. But it never occured to me for a second to do a phone face-off. I think you should just talk to who you’re talking to, and let the other person leave a message. There could be exceptions, but I didn’t even know who the other person was.

Well, extraversion isn’t for me, but your results may differ. I’m glad I did this experiment, but I’m looking forward to returning to normal.

In week 1 of my Myers-Briggs trials, I’ll be focusing on extraversion.

The key difference between introverts and extraverts is where they get their energy: from themselves, or from others. If you imagine that each person is powered by a battery, an introvert charges their battery when they’re alone, and drains it when they’re with others. For extraverts, it’s the other way around.

As king of the introverts, this trial would normally be very difficult for me because I often use up my whole battery at work. After I get home, it’s a struggle to seek out more socialization. It’s nothing against anyone personally, but that’s just how introverts work; they need their alone time.

This was a shame because I used up my whole battery on people that I didn’t necessarily want to use it for, and then people I did want to use it for were greeted with my dead battery. Fortunately, I’m on a mini-retirement now, which will make this much easier.

I have a wedding to go to this weekend, so that will provide plenty of opportunities for extraversion. Other than that, I plan to spend much more time with people in person and on the phone. I’ll also practice vocalizing my thoughts before I have time to finish them, doing my thinking out loud. And Twitter will provide a good outlet for small talk.

I can’t go completely extraverted because I still need to read stuff, etc. But the point is to make a significant effort to act far more extraverted than usual. I’ve already done one day of this, but I’ll save my thoughts for the end of the week. Go extraverts!

<sarcasm>If you want to hire me for some graphic design work, I’m afraid that I’m booked solid for the next two years.</sarcasm>

On my post Introverts And Extraverts: Can’t We Just Get Along?, some people left comments saying they prefer not to label themselves as either an introvert or extravert. This is pretty common. Come up with a set of labels, and there are bound to be people who say they’re all of the above, none of the above, or free to change depending on the circumstances. Are labels useless? Do they do more harm than good, and should we just get rid of them?

I think labels can be harmful, but we definitely can’t get rid of them. If you’re vehemently anti-labeling, try seeing how awkward it is to communicate without them. You can’t call that furry thing a “dog” because it’s too constricting (after all, maybe he likes to meow once in a while). How do you discuss anything without labels?

But before I go all pro-labeling, let’s start with a situation where I don’t like to be labeled: politics. Whenever someone asks me if I’m a Democrat or a Republican, I have to say I’m neither. People don’t like this, and they think I’m just trying to be difficult. After all, it’s not a complicated question. There’s a continuum from the far left to the far right, and wherever you happen to fall, that determines what you are.

Democrat <————–|————–> Republican

The problem is, this left and right construct is completely artificial. The left holds an arbitrary set of unrelated beliefs, and the right holds a different arbitrary set of unrelated beliefs. How does this make sense? For example, why can’t someone hypothetically be in favor of gun control, against the separation of church and state, in favor of protecting the environment, and against the double taxation of dividends? Aren’t these issues all independent of each other?

Someone can take a test that says they’re more Democrat than Republican, but can they really call themselves a Democrat if they’re pro-life, in favor of drilling for oil in Alaska, and in favor of the Iraq war? Can these opinions really be overlooked just because they agree with the Democrats on a greater number of issues?

Furthermore, the definitions of left and right vary across countries and time periods. Abraham Lincoln was a “Republican,” but only because that’s what Democrats were called back then. So what does the label really mean?

I just don’t see why everyone should be expected to take one side or the other. In fact, slapping a political label on yourself can force you to believe in things you don’t want to. How many Republicans pretended to be in favor of the Iraq war just because they had to support their party?

But now, let’s look at a situation where a label makes perfect sense. Remember your high school chemistry? If a chemical solution has a pH of 7, it’s neutral. Lower and it’s an acid. Higher and it’s a base.

Acid <————–|————–> Base

If you want to test a solution to determine its pH, and we anthropomorphize that solution a bit, it might protest. It might say that it’s too complex to categorize, or it behaves differently in different situations, or it doesn’t need you to tell it what to do. It can flat out refuse to take the test. But that doesn’t change the fact that logically, it has to appear somewhere on this continuum. It’s either an acid, a base, or neutral, and it’s perfectly appropriate to label it as such.

Still, we can’t attach more meaning to this label than what we really know. If we know that a solution is acidic, we know that its pH is less than 7. We also know certain properties that it has, or is likely to have. But we don’t know everything about it just from this label. Milk is technically an acid, but it’s very different from 10M sulfuric acid.

So what about the labels of introvert and extravert? Are they OK?

Extravert <————–|————–> Introvert

(I’m talking about these terms as defined by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, not in layman’s terms. Be sure to read The Introverts Strike Back for more on this. Also, people are still telling me I’m spelling extravert wrong–try looking it up before complaining!)

If a pure extravert gets 100% of their energy from the external world, and a pure introvert gets 100% of their energy from the internal world, then logically, everyone falls somewhere on this continuum. I know you’re a complex human being, a riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma. That doesn’t change the fact that logically speaking, you must fall somewhere on this line.

And the MBTI says you have to pick one side or the other–there is no neutral. Just like when flipping a coin, it’s theoretically possible that it will land on its edge and be neither heads nor tails, but in practice it doesn’t.

Maybe this will help. Instead of calling someone an introvert, technically you’re supposed to say that they prefer introversion. Meaning that while everyone uses both introversion and extraversion, they prefer one over the other. Calling someone an introvert is simply shorthand for saying they prefer introversion to either a small or large degree, not to say that they don’t use extraversion at all.

So why don’t people want to label themselves as an introvert or extravert? I think it’s mainly because the word introvert has been tarnished in popular usage. Since introverts are outnumbered 3-1 by their more vocal counterparts, they’ve gotten the short end of the stick. The scale is often assumed to look like this:

Extravert (Party Animal) <————–|————–> Introvert (Loser)

A positive association is used for the extraverts, while a negative association is used for the introverts. So if someone’s not a party animal, they conclude that they must be a loser, and they’re told that the word for that is introvert.

But what if it were flipped?

Extravert (Airhead) <————–|————–> Introvert (Genius)

Now it’s using a positive association for the introverts and a negative association for the extraverts. If someone’s not a genius, they regretfully admit that they must therefore be an airhead, and they’re told that the word for that is extravert.

This shows how damaging labels can be, when you give people a false choice and force them to pick one. One of my main goals in writing The Introverts Strike Back was to avoid a false choice by clarifying what introvert and extravert meant in their original sense. After all, the following scale is perfectly fair and shouldn’t offend anyone.

Another way that labels can be harmful is when you jump to conclusions. Like I said before, we have to be careful about inferring too much from a label. If a solution is acidic, we know that its pH is less than 7, but we don’t know that it will react violently with sodium hydroxide. If someone is an introvert, we know that they generally prefer introversion, but we don’t know that they’re not a successful entertainer. And I’m sure I don’t need to explain that you can’t say “Well, you’re a woman, so that means you’re good at _________ and _________, and bad at ____________.”

Labels only give us part of the picture. Whenever you meet someone, what’s the first thing they ask? Invariably, it’s “What do you do?” Somehow, in Western culture someone’s job is taken as their identity, and the rest doesn’t really matter. Yes, I work as a software developer, but that’s not important enough to go on my tombstone. Thomas Jefferson’s job as President apparently wasn’t important enough to go on his tombstone either (it reads: “Here was buried Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of American Independence, of the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom, and father of the University of Virginia”). Tim Ferriss sometimes tells people he’s a drug dealer if he just wants to avoid this question that really doesn’t matter.

Well-balanced people don’t necessarily want to be told that they are their job, or they are their religion, or they are their ethnicity, etc. There’s nothing inherently wrong with using labels for the right reason, but don’t expect people to be thrilled if you reduce their entire identity to one.

I think the key with using labels is not to avoid them, but to take care in applying and interpreting them. And if you really insist on not being labeled, that’s OK. We can always call you by whistling instead.

Are you an introvert or an extravert? Either way, would you like to get along better with people of the other type? Check out my guest post on PickTheBrain, Introverts And Extraverts: Can’t We Just Get Along?

Unlike The Introverts Strike Back, this new post is pretty evenly balanced between both types, pointing out ways we can all cater to the natural preferences of other people to promote better communication and relationships.

If you like it and you’re a Digg user, please give it a digg. The Digg link is here. (Update: it’s at 132 diggs after 10 hours! Please give it a digg if you can!)

PickTheBrain is one of the fastest growing self improvement sites on the web, up to 13,510 subscribers before its second birthday. Being a wonderfully diverse site, it covers anything that people can use to live more prosperous, satisfying lives.

Introvert Johnny Carson: He hosted The Tonight Show for 30 years.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of posts that almost seem to describe introversion as a disease, and which purport to teach you how to be more extraverted to have a better life. It’s time we all got on the same page about what introversion is. Many people think it’s something like this:

introvert + social skills = extravert

This implies that extraverts (and yes, that’s the right spelling) are better than introverts, because the difference is simply that they have social skills in addition to everything that introverts have. In reality, it works like this:

introvert = someone who gets their energy from themselves
extravert = someone who gets their energy from others

This is the definition used by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and neither type is better. Extraverts are certainly the majority with 70% of the world’s population, but the world needs all kinds of people.

Introvert Meryl Streep: 14 Academy Award nominations, more than any other actor or actress.

While it’s certainly true that poor socials skills are more likely to be seen in introverts, stereotyping introverts as social outcasts is no more accurate than stereotyping extraverts as dumb jocks. While introverts have their challenges (as all people do), they also have their strengths (as all people do), such as independence, focus, interest in concepts and ideas, and thinking before speaking.

Introvert Thomas Edison: He held 1,093 patents in the U.S. alone.

In fact, when you look at successful introverts, you see that in most cases they succeeded not in spite of their introversion, but because of it. I doubt Thomas Edison would have invented so much if he had preferred bar hopping to being alone with his thoughts.

Introvert Jerry Seinfeld: He entertained millions with a show about nothing.

The Ascending Reticular Activating System

When I was in college in the mid-90s, in one psychology class we heard about a theory concerning the Ascending Reticular Activating System (ARAS). The theory claimed that the ARAS basically worked as a pipe in the brain stem, controlling the influx of information. If a person’s ARAS was wide open, they would get plenty of stimulation just from reading a book, and they’d become an introvert. If a person’s ARAS was relatively closed off and didn’t allow much through, they would need to seek out extra stimulation, and they’d become an extravert.

Introvert Tiger Woods: The world’s #1 golfer and the highest-paid athlete in 2007.

Whether this particular theory turned out to be true or not, I found that it worked well as a metaphor. As an extreme introvert, I find that I’m never bored to be alone, and I almost never need to seek out social situations. When meeting a large number of people, or being with people for too long, I experience sensory overload, and I feel suffocated.

Introvert Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

This is not to say that I never want to be with people, or that I’m never energized by conversations. As with anyone else, some of my best experiences have been with other people. I just don’t require much socialization to thrive, because I have too much fun by myself.

Introvert Warren Buffett: The richest person in the world.

“How to be more extraverted”

When I see a post about “how to be more extraverted,” I think it makes about as much sense as “how to be more left-handed” or “how to be more Chinese.” Introversion is a natural condition, not something that’s determined by our behavior. If you want to talk about how to improve your social skills, and suggest that people should introduce themselves to strangers or attend group functions, fine, but don’t think that’s going to make you an extravert. If hosting The Tonight Show for 30 years didn’t make Johnny Carson an extravert, I doubt some basic socialization will do it for you.

Introvert James Dean: He played by nobody’s rules but his own.

Furthermore, if you’re an introvert, why would you want to be an extravert? Why would you want to switch from being energized by yourself to being energized by other people? Let me try to explain why introversion makes perfect sense to me. Now remember that I’m an extreme introvert, so I can’t speak for all my people.

- I don’t see the need for untargeted socialization. Just because someone is alive isn’t enough of a reason for me to want to spend time with them. A great example of someone I don’t want to spend time with is this guy I work with. He follows me around like a puppy that needs constant attention. He comes into my cube when I’m up against a deadline, bounces a rubber ball off my cubicle walls, plays with everything on my desk, and erases my whiteboard to write his own stuff. I feel like I’m babysitting a 5-year-old. Today he came in, picked up my scissors, and cut up a Post-it note that I had written a password on. I’m supposed to be energized by this numbnuts?

Introvert James Bond: He could tell you, but then he’d have to kill you.

- I usually like to have lunch by myself. I spend my work day interacting with other people, so I think of lunch as a time to get away, relax, think, and strategize. When a coworker wants to have lunch with me, I have to wonder why they want me to spend my free time with them, seeing as how I’m already spending 40 hours a week with them. And I find it rude for someone to just declare that they’re going to have lunch with me twice a week, as one person did.

Introvert Darth Vader: He finds your lack of faith in introversion disturbing.

- People need boundaries. In yet another coworker example, one day I met a new employee and found out that we live near each other. She then asked that since she couldn’t afford a car yet, would I mind driving her to and from work every day until further notice? Are you out of your mind? I just met you, I have no idea if I even like you, and you’re going to jump straight to the chauffeur stage? Are you sure you don’t want to move in with me, or make me a mix tape?

Introvert Mahatma Gandhi: He pioneered nonviolent resistance and led India to independence.

- People aren’t always a good match in every respect. I recently spent some time with a highly extraverted friend of mine, who had borrowed her friend’s Nintendo Wii. We had a great time playing Wii tennis together, but after she left, she was a little upset that I continued playing without her, and preferred to play against the computer. It’s nothing against her, but she wasn’t very good, and the computer automatically increased its difficulty every time you won. She enjoys playing with another human being even though she doesn’t like the game itself. But I enjoy playing the game against a worthy opponent, regardless of whether it happens to be a human.

Introvert Mister Fred Rogers: He received a Lifetime Achievement Award for Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, the longest-running show on PBS.

- I don’t like mindless chitchat. Recently I was working on something and had reached a state of flow, when a friend called me and started going on and on about lawn furniture. I tried to be patient but eventually had to ask if that was the only reason they were calling. It was nothing against them, but I was eager to get back to what I was doing. (By the way, this is an area where extraverts can easily have poor social skills–talking but not listening.) I’m trying to train my extravert friends to say their reason for calling up front. If they need something, ask for it. If they want to chitchat, ask if it’s a good time. I sometimes enjoy chitchat, but it would have to be during a slow time, or with someone I haven’t seen in a long time.

Introvert Albert Einstein: In his own little world he learned much about ours, becoming Time magazine’s “Person of the Century” in 1999.

- I don’t like people asking how my day was. The reason is just because I’m already perfectly aware of how my day was, so talking about it doesn’t give me anything new. If you want to talk, let’s talk about something that’s fun for both of us.

Introvert Jack Bauer: If you think introverts are pushovers, you don’t know Jack.

- I don’t like being asked about my weekend plans. When someone asks “what are you doing this weekend,” I know that what they want is an answer that will impress an extravert. But I know they’ll find it boring that I’m going to watch a movie and work on my ebook, just like I’ll find it boring that they’re going to a bar. I’ve started saying that I’m going to spend the weekend on mafia-related work. It’s just easier that way.

Introvert Steven Spielberg: Three-time Academy Award winner, and the highest grossing filmmaker of all time.

I’m not completely without social skills. I introduce myself to new people, I communicate with coworkers in person when everyone else is sending emails, I’m pretty good at listening and sensing the other person’s mood, I know how to tell jokes, I understand comic timing, etc. Would I like to improve my social skills to the level typical of a super extravert? Sure, and if there were a pill I could take that would boost my social skills without weakening my powers of introversion, I’d take it. But I’m not going to take too much time away from things I already enjoy and things I’m already good at, in order to make tiny improvements in doing things I enjoy less that I’ll never be that good at.

Introvert Martin Luther King, Jr.: He had a dream.

I do think everyone should have some basic social skills. You’ll find it helpful, and it’s usually not too hard to develop some basic social competence. If you happen to suffer from shyness, you should check out 20 Ways to Attack Shyness by Tina Su and Amanda Linehan. But let’s not get confused here. Shyness is a problem, but introversion is not. You can be painfully shy, but you can’t be painfully introverted any more than you can be painfully left-handed.

Can an introvert change into an extravert?

According to Myers and Briggs, someone’s preference for introversion or extraversion doesn’t change. I’m open to the possibility that it can change, but it certainly doesn’t happen as often as some people claim.

One example I’ve often heard is Lou Ferrigno, best known for playing The Incredible Hulk on TV in the 70s and 80s. He claims that bodybuilding took him from introvert to extravert. Since I don’t know much about him I can only guess, but I think it’s very likely that either (1) bodybuilding helped him become more social and he simply confused this with being an extravert, or (2) he was always an extravert, but it was masked by the extreme shyness he developed as a result of losing 80% of his hearing at the age of 3.

When I read posts where people say they joined some group activities and now they’re an extravert, I think “No you’re not!” They might be more comfortable in social situations, they might have good public speaking skills, they might be fun at parties, but that doesn’t make them an extravert. It’s all about where their energy comes from. Someone might be energized from a conversation, but are they really energized by the other person, or are they energized by discussing their ideas? I find it hilarious when someone writes a post about how to be an extravert, and then doesn’t respond to comments. That’s a clear sign of both introversion and poor social skills!

I am an introvert, like my father before me. This is who I am, and I would never want to change it. Are you an introvert too? If so, be proud.

For much more on introverts, extraverts, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, check out my ebook The Personality Puzzle: Understanding What Makes People Tick.