Feeling let down by Iron Man 2? Then give my movie script a try, and find out what awaits us in 2012.

Mesothelioma Lawyers, New York: The Movie is my 2010 Script Frenzy project. It’s a prequel to my novel of the same name, which was my 2009 NaNoWriMo project.

I suggest reading Mesothelioma Lawyers, New York: The Novel first, if possible. (Currently, the only option is to read it online page by page with all the ads, but I’ll make physical copies available on Amazon as soon as I can.)

The movie has none of the depth of the novel, the plausible 2012 theory, the end of the world drama, and so on. It’s basically just a dumbed down comedy. But it fills in the backstory of the novel, plus it has swordfights, drug-induced trances, sociopathic lawyers, Oompa-Loompas, and exploding kidneys.

Potentially starring:

Shia LaBeouf as Frank Breadstick
Lindsay Lohan as Yvonne Dubois
Janeane Garofalo as Janice Goldwoman
Matthew Fox as Jack Crowley
Catherine Zeta-Jones as Milli Vanilli Chilli Willi
Glenn Close as Ivana Suyurass
and Leslie Nielsen as Count Voldemort Sidious Hitler the Terrible

Hay House sent me a review copy of Defy Gravity: Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason by best-selling author and medical intuitive Caroline Myss. My first thought was “Boy, did they pick the wrong guy for this.” I found it OK, but keep in mind that I’m not exactly in the target audience, and people who are would like it more than I did.

“Gravity” here refers to serious or weighted thoughts and emotions. And defying gravity is about healing diseases by abandoning the fruitless quest for reason and logic when it comes to illness.

She says that you can’t reason with illness; you can’t always determine why you became sick, and you’re not going to heal yourself by learning the lesson you’re supposed to learn. But what can possibly heal you, when reason can’t, is the power of grace.

People tell me I’m too much into reason, and maybe that’s why I found the book hard to follow. I did get a general good feeling from reading it, but a lot of it seemed to not even be about healing, more about how to live well by forgiving and letting things go.

It should appeal to a fairly wide audience, since it’s not tied to any specific religion, and it’s moderate on the woo-woo factor. My favorite part might have been where she shows the connection between the 7 deadly sins, the 7 chakras, and what she calls the 7 inner graces.

I know someone who was recently given 2 years to live with stage 4 colon cancer. Her doctors have given up, and she actually had to tell them to stop being so negative around her or she’s going to find new doctors. If I were in that situation, I’m sure I would be diving into books like this. But since I’m not, I found it hard to relate to.

For those who are facing a health crisis, Defy Gravity is worth considering. For those who are not, there are still some things you might pick up from it, particularly if you’re open to going beyond the bounds of reason.

“If little labour, little are our gains:
Man’s fortunes are according to his pains.”

- Robert Herrick, Hesperides, 1650

“Gain with pain is good.
Gain without pain is better.”

- me, just now

Above is a picture of my right arm, showing my battle scars from my first class of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. The bruises look much worse in real life, and I’ve got them on both arms, one side of my chest, one ankle, and one toe. But do pains imply gains?

Over the last couple of days, I took trial classes at two different BJJ schools, both of which looked great on paper. Both were fun and educational, but one of them barely made me break a sweat, while the other left me bruised, sore, and out of breath.

Which one do you think I signed up with? Which one would you have signed up with? I went with the second one (the pains), but I don’t think the most painful choice is always the best one.

Yes, some things require a struggle, and always quitting at the first sign of difficulty won’t serve you well. But it’s entirely possible to push to the point where additional pain becomes pointless or even counterproductive.

A common example is what weightlifters call overtraining. Some people think they need to do tons of sets every day and fight through the soreness, when in reality backing off and doing much less would give them more gains as well as less pains.

There’s a happy middle ground between cowardice and masochism. First, pick your battles (no sense in fighting for something that’s not important). Then, decide on a strategy (try to work smarter, not necessarily harder). Next, take what pain you must, but don’t mistake it for the goal. Finally, enjoy your gains, hopefully with as few pains as possible.

I just wrote a movie script in 21 days. (Well, technically it took me from April 1st to April 22nd, but I took one day off.) It was actually my second time (I wrote a script for a Mork & Mindy movie when I was 10), but this was the first time I did it the right way.

If you’ve seen Howard the Duck, you might think anyone can write a movie script, and you’d be right. But how exactly do you do it, and how does it compare to, say, writing a novel?

This work was my Script Frenzy debut, and I’ll put it online after I do some basic editing. (Update 5/10/2010: I’ve just posted Mesothelioma Lawyers, New York: The Movie.)

What NaNoWriMo is for novels, Script Frenzy is for movies, plays, TV shows, and comic books. It occurs every April, with the goal being to write 100 pages of scripted material in 30 days. The idea is that if you give yourself a tight deadline, you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish. Your draft might need a lot of polishing, but that’s far better than never finishing anything.

Script Frenzy sets the finish line at 100 pages. The reason for this is because it’s a nice round number, and also towards the lower end for a finished script. Each page of a screenplay translates into roughly one minute of action, so my 103 page script would give about an hour and 43 minutes of screen time.

As far as actually getting it done, most of my productivity tips about novel writing apply here, so check out How To Write A Novel In 21 Days. I’d say Script Frenzy is a bit easier than NaNoWriMo. It takes less than half as many words (for me, 21,000 vs. 55,000), though it’s twice as hard to get the words to flow. Now, what does a movie script actually involve?

A movie script, known as a screenplay in industry terms, is not a movie itself, but the blueprint for one. It gives directions as to what the characters say and do. It tells the director what roles need to be filled, what stages need to be built, what effects need to be created, and what lines the actors need to read.

As the screenwriter, your job is to spell out exactly what happens in the movie. You also need to make it easy for people to scan it to locate specific things, such as which scenes can be shot at night, or which actors need to be flown to Niagara Falls for a particular scene.

To do this, a very specific format and set of conventions are used. Fortunately, the good people at Script Frenzy are nice enough to provide a Word template to handle the formatting and a quick guide to illustrate the process. I’ll just give an overview here.

Using the template, it’s pretty easy to get the hang of things. You select SLUGLINE from the Styles list, which sets the left indent to 0.75″ and switches to all caps. Then you type something like:

EXT. FRANK’S STREET – NIGHT

A slugline tells you where we are – interior or exterior, location, and approximate time. This tells the crew whether they’re filming at a set or on location, and when. It helps them shoot all the scenes for one set together, instead of needlessly jumping between locations.

When you select Action from the Styles list, we exit all caps mode, and you describe the scene:

Snow has recently begun to fall, and it is starting to stick to the street. FRANK and JANICE are walking back from the movie theater, neither having broken the uncomfortable silence since seeing themselves onscreen for the first time.

When you select CHARACTER, we go back to all caps, with a left indent of 2.75″. Then you simply type:

FRANK

Character names are always capitalized before their dialog (and often, throughout the script). This lets people quickly see who is in what scene, as well as locate all the lines for a particular character. The name is followed by (O.S.) if they are offscreen (such as on the other end of a phone call), or (V.O.) if they are giving a voiceover (such as narration, or when another character is recalling something they said).

While actors don’t like being told how to say their lines, we can include a Parenthentical if we need to give direction to make our intent clear. For example:

(sarcastically)

Then we select Dialogue from Styles, which sets the left indent to 1.75″. Now we say what the character says:

Wow, that was a great movie. It’s a shoo-in for Best Picture.

OK, that’s most of what you need to know about formatting. But how do you come up with something to write?

Screenplays can be categorized as original or adapted. Original screenplays are not based on any existing work. Adapted screenplays are derived from previously published material (often a novel, but possibly a play, short story, poem, song, comic book, etc).

The advantage of writing an adapted screenplay is that a lot has already been worked out for you. Someone else has put a lot of effort into developing the characters and making the storyline come together, so you can just focus on translating it to the big screen. The disadvantage is that some novels aren’t easily translated. Look at Jurassic Park – great book by Michael Crichton, great movie by Steven Spielberg – but beneath the surface they have very little in common.

When writing an original screenplay, you’re free to do whatever you want, and you’re not burdened with anything from the book that won’t work so well in the movie. The downside is that you have to come up with everything from scratch.

Mine would be considered an adapted screenplay, since it’s based on my novel. However, it’s not a direct translation. It’s actually a prequel, covering events that happened a few days prior to the novel. Also, the main characters in the movie are minor characters in the novel.

I’d say that the main difference between a novel and a screenplay is that the audience can’t hear your thoughts in the latter. In a novel, a character can look at a fingerprint and then launch into a five-thousand word explanation of how the murder happened. If this were translated directly into a movie scene, the audience would just see the character looking at a fingerprint, then staring into space forever.

The fact that the audience can’t hear your thoughts makes some things much more difficult. For example, how do you reveal a character’s last name in a natural way? I’m not sure. I did it with a combination of seeing names on office doors, one character being addressed formally by a superior, some characters just not having last names, etc.

This is a very simple problem for a novel, but a non-trivial one for a movie. But having gone through this, I’m sure I’ll be noticing this kind of thing when I see movies from now on. I encountered a similar issue with my novel, when I wasn’t sure how to say that a character said something, and now I always notice that when I read books. But you take a stab at it, you learn, you get better, and you enjoy the process.

Another thing is that you have to think about pacing, and whether the audience would constantly have something to be excited about. You may feel torn between using a bunch of dialog to explain something that’s really deep, as opposed to just shooting a whole bunch of guns to keep the action up. This is probably the biggest reason why the book is usually better than the movie.

After you’ve gotten your screenplay written, congratulations, you are now a screenwriter! You can either enjoy your script for what it is, or you can actually have it produced and turned into a movie. Speaking of which, if your name is Mel Brooks, Jim Carrey, or Adam Sandler, please send me an email.

Forty years ago, Richard Bolles asked job seekers “What color is your parachute?” It turns out that he may not have been speaking metaphorically.

The Dewey Color System offers a free career test based entirely on color preferences – just spend a minute clicking on the colors you like most or least. They claim it is now the world’s most accurate career test.

Compared to the general public, CEOs are three times more likely to choose magenta, three times less likely to choose red, and three and a half times less likely to choose yellow.

What does this mean? According to the Color Career Counselor test, CEOs are more sensitive and private than average, less likely to be dominant or a perfectionist, and more likely to be emotionally unstable.

The makers of this test say it measures 16 personality factors, including independence, anxiety, self-control, extraversion, and tough-mindedness. They also say it may identify things such as overeating tendencies or emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

Its supporters say that this simple test is as valid as the much lengthier Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (not a career test, BTW) and Gallup StrengthsFinder, and much harder to influence. Some people have called it eerily accurate, others have likened it to horoscopes.

I gave it a try to see how accurate it was for me. (It asks for an email address at the end, but it’s optional, and you have to skip past one ad). The results were mixed at best.

For my best occupational category, it said:

You’re a CREATOR
Keywords: Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

Check, kind of.

For my second best occupational category, it said:

You’re a SOCIAL MANAGER
Keywords: Tactful, Cooperative, Generous, Understanding, Insightful, Friendly, and Cheerful

Um, no.

And as with any career test I’ve ever seen, the list of suggested occupations is so ridiculously broad as to be useless.

While I wasn’t wowed by my results, I think color preference probably does say something about you. But for now, a good old fashioned verbal test seems more likely to show your true colors.

Photo by tibchris

As a follow-up to the gut thinking discussion, @MiscBytes passed on a link to a relevant study. It turns out that Armed With Information, People Make Poor Choices (and despite the date, I don’t think it was an April Fools’ joke).

How do you choose between a smaller reward now and a bigger reward later? You might expect that people who think with their gut would foolishly choose short term satisfaction, while people who think with their brain would wisely do what’s better in the long run. But the study found that people who were given complete information about their options were more likely to take the quick reward.

One of the researchers said “To fully appreciate a long-term option, you have to choose it repeatedly and begin to feel the benefits.” In other words, you have to train your gut, because your head isn’t making the decision, even when you give it all the information it needs.

The study involved racking up points in a computer program, with a cash incentive for good performance. Subjects were repeatedly given two options. One option gave more points now, while the other gave the possibility of more points later. The subjects who were given full and accurate information were twice as likely to take the quick payoff as those who were given incomplete or false information about what they were giving up.

(I had a couple of problems with the article. One, it was really vague about the long term option. What were the odds of it paying off (it appeared to not be guaranteed), and how much would it pay off (presumably more points than you gave up in the short term, but it doesn’t say)? But I’m assuming it was apparent to the subjects that the long term option was logically the better choice. Two, it leaves its title hanging – it doesn’t offer any explanation as to why having more information causes you to make the wrong choice.)

This reminded me of the marshmallow test. In this study, marshmallows were placed in front of hungry four year olds. They were told they could eat one marshmallow now, or they could have two if they waited a few minutes. 14 years later, the ones who were able to hold out for two marshmallows were more socially competent, optimistic, assertive, dependable, trustworthy, and scored 210 points higher on the SAT.

However, in the marshmallow test (and maybe the computer program test too), the long term choice is clearly better. Your second marshmallow is guaranteed, and coming in just a few minutes. But is the long term winner always the better choice?

Here’s an example from the “armed with information” article: “In a real-life scenario, a student who stayed home to study and then learned he had missed a fun party would be less likely to study next time in a similar situation – even if that option provides more long-term benefits.”

OK, but is that a bad thing? Are they supposed to skip all parties so they can spend all of their time studying? Once you’ve studied enough, how much benefit is there in studying a little more, compared to going to a party?

In The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferriss says “This book is not about saving and will not recommend you abandon your daily glass of red wine for a million dollars 50 years from now. I’d rather have the wine.” That’s a reasonable choice. Not necessarily the one everyone should make, but a reasonable one.

It’s important to consider the cost of instant gratification. But it’s also important to consider the cost of waiting. How much is the wine worth to you?

Did you ever get some news that was really good, almost too good to be true? And you wanted to share it with everyone, but you just couldn’t until you knew for sure that you weren’t dreaming? Well, now I know that I’m not dreaming.

I just found out that my 2012 thriller novel, Mesothelioma Lawyers, New York, made the New York Times Best Seller list. And not only that, but it took the #1 spot. Not bad for a book that hasn’t officially been published yet.

My book hasn’t technically been released for general distribution, but pre-orders count towards the numbers they use in determining the rankings. Based on pre-orders received through today, it just barely beat out Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol for the lead in the fiction category, selling over 2 million copies in its first week.

I know I haven’t been posting much lately, but I’ve been really busy with book tours and signings and stuff. I want to thank everyone for their support in making this possible. If we survive 2012, I’ll know it was because of people like you.

Is it best to make rational decisions with your brain, or just go with your gut? Are people who insist on logic making the best use of all available information, or are they missing out on something far more powerful?

We always hear that sometimes you just have to listen to your gut. What exactly is the gut, anyway? Dictionary.com offers this definition:

“the alimentary canal, esp. between the pylorus and the anus, or some portion of it”

If I had to pick a body part other than the brain to listen to, I’m not sure this would have been my first choice. Why not the skin, heart, or solar plexus, or even the appendix? But anyway, I’m willing to consider that maybe we do underestimate the decision-making power of our intestines.

I asked about it on Twitter, and got a couple of responses. @Armen said:

“My gut has told me some very smart things that I have ignored and paid for, but I hear your point there [that the brain is more likely to be right]…It sure is overrated. On the other hand, it is underrated by folks who ignore it until problems show up…Some that come to mind here are gut telling to see dentist, or to come clean on lie, or to try a biz opportunity”

But even if the gut works in these cases, is it the best source of advice?

Regarding the dentist, you can listen to the calendar that says to go every six months, or to your nerves that say you have a toothache. Regarding the lie, you could listen to your conscience and not lie in the first place.

As for the business opportunity, this is where I can see the gut being helpful. Many business ideas that looked crazy on paper have become huge successes. In these cases, only a gut feeling could convince someone to follow through without a logical reason.

But gut feelings can also lead people astray, such as the gambler who “just knows” that his luck is about to change (only it doesn’t). How do you sort out the accurate gut feelings from all the rest?

Maybe the best idea is to use the gut not as a replacement for the brain, but as an idea generator to brainstorm (intestinestorm?) potential options before handing them over to the brain for evaluation.

Back to Twitter, @MiscBytes said:

“Gut” is just our brain using shortcuts it’s already figured out! http://www.miscbytes.com/gut-feelings/

The linked post mentions a book that talks about the brain quickly using rules of thumb to make its best guess without analyzing all the data. This best guess is known as a “gut feeling.”

It’s not always right, of course. Gut feelings would tell you that a bowling ball falls faster than a grape, that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, that there are no irrational numbers in the Cantor set, and that it’s better to upgrade a Prius than a Suburban (see When Logic And Intuition Fail).

But while poring over all the data might be better in theory, a gut feeling often works well when facing a shortage of time. An excess of data can also overwhelm you, blinding you to the answer that your intuition can clearly see.

Right now, think of some either-or decision you have to make, something you haven’t thought out yet. Going to work tomorrow vs. taking a day off, having a healthy meal vs. junk food, buying this house vs. the other one, something like that.

I’m going to flip a coin to help you decide. Heads, you take the first option. Tails, you take the second. Ready?

The coin is in the air…I’ve caught it, and it’s…

But I don’t need to say what it is. You already know what you want it to be. This is your gut talking. Does it conflict with your brain? And which organ will win?

Photo by mikebaird

[Hoping to get your book published? Here is the continuation of yesterday's interview with Ian Coburn.]

Hunter:

What is it that publishers look for in a book? Or for that matter, do they know what they’re looking for?

There was a guy who tried an experiment with Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey, Pride and Prejudice, and Persuasion. He changed the titles, put the name of Alison Laydee on them, and sent a few chapters to 18 publishers. One of them recognized the books; the other 17 rejected them or didn’t respond.

If Jane Austen isn’t good enough, what’s an aspiring author to do?

Ian:

Well, in all fairness, some of the publishers may have recognized the works and tossed the queries, baffled that an author thought he could pull the wool over their eyes. That being said, most of the queries probably just didn’t get read or were only quickly perused. They came via the route outlined on the publisher’s site or in guides, where they didn’t get past editorial assistants—aka the gatekeepers. Publishers are looking to do as little work as possible, just like the rest of us. The more you can bring to the table, the better. Overall, it seems they want an angle, the bigger the better. This is why people who aren’t authors get deals—prostitutes who sleep with governors, governors who get fired, etc. The media eats up the stories and that gets publishers seeing dollar signs.

Don’t worry about what publishers want. What do readers want? That’s where your focus should be. To get a publisher, then, show publishers you have what readers want.

Hunter:

How much of the marketing responsibility falls on the author versus the publisher? Time you spend marketing is time that you could have spent writing another book. How do you find a balance between promoting what you have and coming up with more?

Ian:

All marketing is you. Repeat; all marketing is you. If you get lucky enough to have your publisher market your work, great; that’s a huge bonus. But go in with the attitude that all marketing is on you because it is. Market smart. I went to the Printer’s Row Book Fair in Chicago a few years ago to market God is a Woman: Dating Disasters. A lot of authors sat behind tables, waiting for visitors to approach them. I handed out bookmarks advertising my book, mingling with the crowd. I gave out hundreds (these people were buying books; they needed free bookmarks!) and saw my sales on Amazon jump up over the following couple weeks. You should always be going after your audience—reaching out to bloggers, handing out free bookmarks to readers, speaking, and so forth, as opposed to waiting for your audience to come to you.

Near and following the release of any book don’t plan on doing any writing. All your time will be spent marketing, as it should be. As long as you are getting results—media interviews, blogger reviews, a flow of reviews on Amazon—you should keep marketing hard. It will taper off and as it does, you can then get back into writing. Eventually, all marketable interest will wane and you can then focus nearly entirely on writing again. I say “nearly” because you should always keep an eye open for marketing opportunities, typically by monitoring journalist and media queries for material. (Get on the “Help a Reporter Out” list, also known as “HARO”; it is a free list of queries from the media that goes out three times a day.)

Hunter:

Is it best to write the book first and then try to get it published, or get a publisher to accept the book first and then write it? If I recall correctly, Tim Ferriss took the latter approach with The 4-Hour Workweek. The problem with the former is that it puts a lot of faith in “if you build it, they will come.”

Ian:

Again, it really depends on what’s important to you. For me, it’s typically most important to get my ideas on the page. Writing is a release of my ideas that I want to share. It’s most important to me to share the ideas. If I don’t find a publisher who wants to pay me to write my ideas, that’s not good enough in some cases. I can’t just go to the next project. I want people to at least have the chance to get the information, so I start the project as I pitch it. I was halfway through God is a Woman when the publisher picked it up. Only small publishers wanted my latest as I pitched, so I completed it without signing with anyone, hoping to get a big publisher interested at some point. (I didn’t query many big publishers, wanting to hold off until I have a lot of page hits to show them.)

Generally speaking, most nonfiction work isn’t completed past the first few chapters until a publisher is found. Fiction work is almost always done before you start pitching. Is it most important to you to get paid for your work or to complete your work? If you wait for a publisher to pick it up, there is a very good chance your work will never be written. (Some experts purport that completing a nonfiction work ahead of time is the mark of an amateur; however, more and more publishers are asking to see complete works for nonfiction.)

Hunter:

People such as Steve Pavlina, Hugh MacLeod, Jonathan Fields, and Gary Vaynerchuk got their book deals in large part because of their popular websites. Not that they built up their online presence for the purpose of publishing a book down the road, but since they had the traffic, there was much less risk for the publishers.

When does it make sense to build up an online audience first, versus going directly for the book deal without any internet fame?

Ian:

I’m living proof that you don’t need Internet fame to achieve success with a book. Some popular blogs and sites don’t do well as books. Should you write a blog? Build an Internet following with a site? Blogging and writing a book are two very different types of writing. Take me for example. I’m not a good blogger because I tend to have one complete idea. I don’t have all the continually fresh content a blog needs. I’m more, “Here’s what I have to say. Here’s what works. Follow it, make it your own, take what works, discard the rest, and it will work for you. That’s all I got.” This works very well in a book because a book has a start, a middle, and an end. Blogs can often be entered at any point and don’t end. Bloggers often struggle writing books because they need to have an end and content that doesn’t only start a debate but also closes it. Next thing you know, the blogger has a variety of similar ebooks and books because he didn’t complete the thought in the first book. It can get confusing for readers; which one should they read first? Or should they just stick with the blog? I prefer to speak rather than blog, which is why I have a vlog/blog. The site serves mostly to provide applications of what I discuss in my second book as examples of implementation.

It all boils down to sincerity. If your writing is sincere it will find an audience because people want sincerity more than anything today. Sincerity sells. It makes a site, blog, or book popular, if even in just a niche. I wrote God is a Woman because I wanted to share my funny sexual and dating misadventures while giving readers, especially college students, the chance to learn from my mistakes so they could avoid them. I couldn’t go back and fix things in my own life to make unhappy experiences happy but I could share my experiences so others could avoid the same pitfalls and be happy. That’s what made it get noticed even without a popular site or name on the Internet. Sincerity is what made audiences laugh when I was a comedian.

If you’re not a recognized name in your topic, it is best to start a blog or site sharing your work as you create it. It can only help. You can still pitch while creating the site; no harm, no foul.

Hunter:

Ian, thanks for all this information. There’s plenty here that will give people a leg up on their competition.

Any questions for Ian? Ask away!

After ten years as a comedian, where he holds the entertainment industry record of 106 straight weeks touring, Ian Coburn no longer wanted to entertain people; he wanted to help them achieve their goals, just as he had with comedy. “There is no better feeling; no greater sense of accomplishment.” His tangible decision-making process for making good choices is shared in his second book, currently available for free download at www.bestpossiblechoice.com, where you will also find examples of its implementation.

Writing a book is one thing. Getting it published is another. And people who pull off the former beautifully often flop at the latter.

For those of you who’d love to see your literary masterpiece get the widespread distribution it deserves, how can you maximize your chances? Let’s ask someone who’s done it.

You may have seen comedian-turned-author Ian Coburn in the comment section on my blog. His first book, God is a Woman: Dating Disasters is available in bookstores and on Amazon. His second book, Choice – The Meaning of Life: How to Have More and Better Choices in Business, Relationships, Government and Life, is temporarily available for free online.

Over the next two posts, Ian will tell us about his adventures in publishing, and the advice he has for aspiring authors.

Ian:

First, I just wanna thank you for taking the interest in interviewing me about publishing; I’m flattered and happy to offer any insight I can. Hopefully it will prove helpful.

Hunter:

When God is a Woman: Dating Disasters came out, you got hit with a sudden wave of fame. What was that like?

Ian:

Unexpected. In many ways. I didn’t have a blog until after I wrote the book and it seemed like only I, my family, and two friends knew about it . . . none of whom actually read it. Yet, suddenly, a month into the book’s official release, I started getting emails asking dating questions from as far away as Norway and South Africa—I live in Chicago—and it jumped in sales on Amazon. I didn’t even know there was an Amazon.co.uk and when I checked it out, I was surprised to see the book selling there well, too.

How the hell did people hear about it? Sure, I was working hard to write articles for sites and doing interviews, but a lot of ‘em hadn’t even come out yet. And things kept growing. I discovered that in addition to my own efforts to spread the word, bloggers and these people called “pick-up artists” (pua’s)—whom I had never heard of before—were blogging and writing about it. They compared it to other books and liked it a lot because it was different than anything else out there. At the same time, women loved it because they got to read about a guy making an ass of himself as well as gain insight into the male mind. What woman doesn’t want those things? (Lifetime actually hired me to answer women’s questions on their site for a year under a column entitled “Ask A Guy” after they checked out the book; another surprise.) I became what I affectionately call “Internet Friends” with some of these people and because I answered each and every email eventually, I got even more word of mouth. The review on Legal Pub especially comes to mind; again, someone I had never heard of previously. I also owe a lot to reviews on Amazon, where it got good word of mouth, too.

It was also very different. I was a comedian from basically 18-30. I was used to getting responses in laughter and applause. I met fans after the shows in-person, immediately. I had only face-to-face encounters and lots of ‘em. Suddenly I was getting emails and nothing face-to-face. It’s weird for a people-person like me to realize that the Internet was this huge social dynamic. You can learn about and contact people you might otherwise never have met. Prior to releasing the book, I had never used the Internet for social purposes beyond emailing the various sports teams I captain weekly game times. Other people were using it to date, get jobs, make friends, find roommates, plan trips . . . Wow, did I have a lot to learn! Mostly, the wave was flattering and fulfilling, as people thanked me for writing a book that helped them while making them laugh.

Hunter:

These days, there are more publishing options than there were in the past.

For your first book, you went with a small publisher and got it into bookstores. For your second book, you currently have it freely available online with a suggested $10 donation. My first novel is freely available online and supported by ads. Tim Brownson and John Strelecky sell their book on their website, and reinvest 90% of the proceeds in printing copies for those who can’t afford them. And companies such as CreateSpace and Lulu let anyone self-publish their book.

How does someone decide which method Is best for them?

Ian:

Ha! As you know, I am big on answering what I call the Basic Life Concept Questions, BLC’s for short. The questions are:

What do you need? What’s important to you? What are your responsibilities? What are your limitations? What I love about the BLC’s is that you’re not limited to just applying them to your whole life; you can also apply them to any aspect of your life. Redecorating your kitchen? What do you need in your kitchen? What’s important to you in your kitchen? I apply them to all my big projects, including my books. I advise other authors to do the same.

For my first book, it was important for me to have control over content to “keep it real” and to see it on bookstore shelves. I wanted to see my name on a book at Barnes & Noble and other stores. That was big. (Not many people realize it but few books actually get shelved. What you see at a bookstore is only a small percentage of the number of books actually published.) For my latest book, it was no longer important for me to see the book on bookstore shelves. It is important for me to get a big publisher, though, because I had to focus too much on publishing issues with my first book. For example, each week I sent B&N and Borders a letter updating my media appearances and reviews. This is why they finally shelved the book. I shouldn’t have had to do that. It’s also important for me to get the information in the book out to as many people as possible; I am eager to help others achieve their goals and the tangible system I teach is a great vehicle for achieving your goals. So I put the book online as a free ebook, asking for donations, to help spread the word and build an audience; hence, I am in the position to reach people and garner interest from a big publisher.

One thing that drives me nutso, especially in fields like the arts or publishing, is that experts always assume that every artist or author or comedian or musician or whoever has the same priorities and are in the same position to go after them; thus, their advice tends to be narrow and incomplete. You’ll be much better off if you identify what your specific priorities are, and what position you’re in to go after them, from the start, before you think about publishing. Then go after the appropriate publisher.

Hunter:

If someone wants to go with a traditional publisher, how do they find and approach them?

Ian:

All right, against all better judgment, I’m going to share a huge secret with you. It goes against better judgment because I know there are people reading this who are thinking, “I am a great writer. I should be treated like a great writer by all,” and because of this attitude they do everything half-past. These people always piss in the pond for the rest of us. So I’ll preempt my answer by telling everyone out there reading this not to send anything to any agent or publisher, using the approach I’m about to share, until you’ve had a professional editor check your work over. I don’t mean your friends; I don’t mean bloggers; I don’t mean an English teacher you know. I mean a professional editor. Or, alternatively, until you have a foundation.

When I say foundation, I mean you’ve already been published by someone big, or have a successful book, or have published numerous articles for which you’ve been paid, or have a large blog following, or are an A-list talent, and such. (If you are a prostitute who slept with a president or an infamous drug dealer, that is not enough. You still need an editor to reach out using this method; however, a big publisher will probably contact you before you even think about writing a book.) If an editor says your work isn’t ready, follow the traditional advice you get in Writer’s Market and other such places. I mean it. If you just start following what I’m about to share, sending in outlines you wrote on napkins while drunk with your friends, your delusional butt is going to ruin this approach for everyone. You’ll literally kill it.

Forget all the advice you get outside being professional and polished. All you need to know is this: In the back of almost every book authors write “Acknowledgements.” They name their agent. They name their editors and publishers. Google those names to see where these people are currently working. Still at Crown? HarperCollins? With the same agency? If you can find the email pattern at a publisher, like HarperCollins, email the person. As long as you have credibility, they will respond and typically request what you offer to send them. If you can’t determine their email, send them a letter addressed specifically to them at the publisher or agency for which they work. Again, as long as you have credibility, you will hear from them.

I’ve gotten key personnel at publishing houses across the board (small to huge) to read my pitches using this method and they have all responded with feedback, including the much welcomed constructive criticism. Which reminds me, if you don’t want to receive criticism, another sign you are not ready to consider publishing, don’t use this method. You’ll piss off whoever you contact when you reply to their feedback by telling them they don’t know what they’re talking about, arguing for your content, etc.

Hunter:

What are some common mistakes that first time authors make, or red flags that they should watch out for?

Ian:

Oops, I kind of answered this in the previous question. (I tend to do that a lot.) Lack of humility. Thinking you’re the bomb keeps you from finding tools to measure your ability. How do you know you’re stuff is good? Really?

My first manuscript was a fiction, sci-fi thriller called IP. My friends told me it rocked, except for one who told me it was “painful;” he couldn’t finish it no matter how hard he tried. I entered it into a couple contests to gauge my ability. I didn’t place. I left it on the shelf for a while and re-read it months later. My friend was right; it was painful. The manuscript sucked.

When I started to write screenplays, I entered contests for feedback and to measure my ability. I had no idea whether or not my stuff was good because it was a new medium for me. The feedback let me know I was on the right track. I won a contest and that got me a lot of attention, landing me my first manager.

Being humble kept me from sending IP to publishers and screenplays to producers before I had properly measured both them and my abilities. When writers aren’t humble they ignore all feedback and don’t bother with having their stuff measured. Remember, it’s much easier to open doors that are unlocked than it is to open ones that have been slammed in your face or to cross bridges that you burned by being premature. It’s great—and a necessity—to be enthusiastic and tenacious; just don’t be cocky.

Watch out for publishers or agents who want money from you in any way, shape or form. If you choose to publish via a POD publisher, don’t go with any that charge you more than cost for your book. You will need to send free copies to tons of places for reviews and possible media attention. Why should you pay 30% less than retail, well over cost, for those copies? A POD who charges authors extra money doesn’t believe in their authors or their products. They aren’t truly interested in selling your book to people; they’re interested in selling it to you!

[Come back tomorrow for the rest of the publishing interview...what publishers are looking for, marketing, selling a book before writing it, and leveraging internet fame.]