Introvert Johnny Carson: He hosted The Tonight Show for 30 years.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of posts that almost seem to describe introversion as a disease, and which purport to teach you how to be more extraverted to have a better life. It’s time we all got on the same page about what introversion is. Many people think it’s something like this:

introvert + social skills = extravert

This implies that extraverts (and yes, that’s the right spelling) are better than introverts, because the difference is simply that they have social skills in addition to everything that introverts have. In reality, it works like this:

introvert = someone who gets their energy from themselves
extravert = someone who gets their energy from others

This is the definition used by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and neither type is better. Extraverts are certainly the majority with 70% of the world’s population, but the world needs all kinds of people.

Introvert Meryl Streep: 14 Academy Award nominations, more than any other actor or actress.

While it’s certainly true that poor socials skills are more likely to be seen in introverts, stereotyping introverts as social outcasts is no more accurate than stereotyping extraverts as dumb jocks. While introverts have their challenges (as all people do), they also have their strengths (as all people do), such as independence, focus, interest in concepts and ideas, and thinking before speaking.

Introvert Thomas Edison: He held 1,093 patents in the U.S. alone.

In fact, when you look at successful introverts, you see that in most cases they succeeded not in spite of their introversion, but because of it. I doubt Thomas Edison would have invented so much if he had preferred bar hopping to being alone with his thoughts.

Introvert Jerry Seinfeld: He entertained millions with a show about nothing.

The Ascending Reticular Activating System

When I was in college in the mid-90s, in one psychology class we heard about a theory concerning the Ascending Reticular Activating System (ARAS). The theory claimed that the ARAS basically worked as a pipe in the brain stem, controlling the influx of information. If a person’s ARAS was wide open, they would get plenty of stimulation just from reading a book, and they’d become an introvert. If a person’s ARAS was relatively closed off and didn’t allow much through, they would need to seek out extra stimulation, and they’d become an extravert.

Introvert Tiger Woods: The world’s #1 golfer and the highest-paid athlete in 2007.

Whether this particular theory turned out to be true or not, I found that it worked well as a metaphor. As an extreme introvert, I find that I’m never bored to be alone, and I almost never need to seek out social situations. When meeting a large number of people, or being with people for too long, I experience sensory overload, and I feel suffocated.

Introvert Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

This is not to say that I never want to be with people, or that I’m never energized by conversations. As with anyone else, some of my best experiences have been with other people. I just don’t require much socialization to thrive, because I have too much fun by myself.

Introvert Warren Buffett: The richest person in the world.

“How to be more extraverted”

When I see a post about “how to be more extraverted,” I think it makes about as much sense as “how to be more left-handed” or “how to be more Chinese.” Introversion is a natural condition, not something that’s determined by our behavior. If you want to talk about how to improve your social skills, and suggest that people should introduce themselves to strangers or attend group functions, fine, but don’t think that’s going to make you an extravert. If hosting The Tonight Show for 30 years didn’t make Johnny Carson an extravert, I doubt some basic socialization will do it for you.

Introvert James Dean: He played by nobody’s rules but his own.

Furthermore, if you’re an introvert, why would you want to be an extravert? Why would you want to switch from being energized by yourself to being energized by other people? Let me try to explain why introversion makes perfect sense to me. Now remember that I’m an extreme introvert, so I can’t speak for all my people.

- I don’t see the need for untargeted socialization. Just because someone is alive isn’t enough of a reason for me to want to spend time with them. A great example of someone I don’t want to spend time with is this guy I work with. He follows me around like a puppy that needs constant attention. He comes into my cube when I’m up against a deadline, bounces a rubber ball off my cubicle walls, plays with everything on my desk, and erases my whiteboard to write his own stuff. I feel like I’m babysitting a 5-year-old. Today he came in, picked up my scissors, and cut up a Post-it note that I had written a password on. I’m supposed to be energized by this numbnuts?

Introvert James Bond: He could tell you, but then he’d have to kill you.

- I usually like to have lunch by myself. I spend my work day interacting with other people, so I think of lunch as a time to get away, relax, think, and strategize. When a coworker wants to have lunch with me, I have to wonder why they want me to spend my free time with them, seeing as how I’m already spending 40 hours a week with them. And I find it rude for someone to just declare that they’re going to have lunch with me twice a week, as one person did.

Introvert Darth Vader: He finds your lack of faith in introversion disturbing.

- People need boundaries. In yet another coworker example, one day I met a new employee and found out that we live near each other. She then asked that since she couldn’t afford a car yet, would I mind driving her to and from work every day until further notice? Are you out of your mind? I just met you, I have no idea if I even like you, and you’re going to jump straight to the chauffeur stage? Are you sure you don’t want to move in with me, or make me a mix tape?

Introvert Mahatma Gandhi: He pioneered nonviolent resistance and led India to independence.

- People aren’t always a good match in every respect. I recently spent some time with a highly extraverted friend of mine, who had borrowed her friend’s Nintendo Wii. We had a great time playing Wii tennis together, but after she left, she was a little upset that I continued playing without her, and preferred to play against the computer. It’s nothing against her, but she wasn’t very good, and the computer automatically increased its difficulty every time you won. She enjoys playing with another human being even though she doesn’t like the game itself. But I enjoy playing the game against a worthy opponent, regardless of whether it happens to be a human.

Introvert Mister Fred Rogers: He received a Lifetime Achievement Award for Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, the longest-running show on PBS.

- I don’t like mindless chitchat. Recently I was working on something and had reached a state of flow, when a friend called me and started going on and on about lawn furniture. I tried to be patient but eventually had to ask if that was the only reason they were calling. It was nothing against them, but I was eager to get back to what I was doing. (By the way, this is an area where extraverts can easily have poor social skills–talking but not listening.) I’m trying to train my extravert friends to say their reason for calling up front. If they need something, ask for it. If they want to chitchat, ask if it’s a good time. I sometimes enjoy chitchat, but it would have to be during a slow time, or with someone I haven’t seen in a long time.

Introvert Albert Einstein: In his own little world he learned much about ours, becoming Time magazine’s “Person of the Century” in 1999.

- I don’t like people asking how my day was. The reason is just because I’m already perfectly aware of how my day was, so talking about it doesn’t give me anything new. If you want to talk, let’s talk about something that’s fun for both of us.

Introvert Jack Bauer: If you think introverts are pushovers, you don’t know Jack.

- I don’t like being asked about my weekend plans. When someone asks “what are you doing this weekend,” I know that what they want is an answer that will impress an extravert. But I know they’ll find it boring that I’m going to watch a movie and work on my ebook, just like I’ll find it boring that they’re going to a bar. I’ve started saying that I’m going to spend the weekend on mafia-related work. It’s just easier that way.

Introvert Steven Spielberg: Three-time Academy Award winner, and the highest grossing filmmaker of all time.

I’m not completely without social skills. I introduce myself to new people, I communicate with coworkers in person when everyone else is sending emails, I’m pretty good at listening and sensing the other person’s mood, I know how to tell jokes, I understand comic timing, etc. Would I like to improve my social skills to the level typical of a super extravert? Sure, and if there were a pill I could take that would boost my social skills without weakening my powers of introversion, I’d take it. But I’m not going to take too much time away from things I already enjoy and things I’m already good at, in order to make tiny improvements in doing things I enjoy less that I’ll never be that good at.

Introvert Martin Luther King, Jr.: He had a dream.

I do think everyone should have some basic social skills. You’ll find it helpful, and it’s usually not too hard to develop some basic social competence. If you happen to suffer from shyness, you should check out 20 Ways to Attack Shyness by Tina Su and Amanda Linehan. But let’s not get confused here. Shyness is a problem, but introversion is not. You can be painfully shy, but you can’t be painfully introverted any more than you can be painfully left-handed.

Can an introvert change into an extravert?

According to Myers and Briggs, someone’s preference for introversion or extraversion doesn’t change. I’m open to the possibility that it can change, but it certainly doesn’t happen as often as some people claim.

One example I’ve often heard is Lou Ferrigno, best known for playing The Incredible Hulk on TV in the 70s and 80s. He claims that bodybuilding took him from introvert to extravert. Since I don’t know much about him I can only guess, but I think it’s very likely that either (1) bodybuilding helped him become more social and he simply confused this with being an extravert, or (2) he was always an extravert, but it was masked by the extreme shyness he developed as a result of losing 80% of his hearing at the age of 3.

When I read posts where people say they joined some group activities and now they’re an extravert, I think “No you’re not!” They might be more comfortable in social situations, they might have good public speaking skills, they might be fun at parties, but that doesn’t make them an extravert. It’s all about where their energy comes from. Someone might be energized from a conversation, but are they really energized by the other person, or are they energized by discussing their ideas? I find it hilarious when someone writes a post about how to be an extravert, and then doesn’t respond to comments. That’s a clear sign of both introversion and poor social skills!

I am an introvert, like my father before me. This is who I am, and I would never want to change it. Are you an introvert too? If so, be proud.

For much more on introverts, extraverts, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, check out my ebook The Personality Puzzle: Understanding What Makes People Tick.

Image from Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

How ironic is this? This morning, I was reassuring Vered that she’s definitely more of a mommyblogger than I am, and now I’m writing a post about how to be a woman. How did this happen?

Rest assured that I have a good excuse. As I was catching up on reading blogs, I noticed that in Steve Pavlina’s post How to Be a Man, he offered to link to all quality submissions of a “How to Be a Woman” article.

He specifically said that you don’t have to be a woman to enter, but acknowledged that it might help. Handicapped as I may be, I thought I’d give it a shot. Without further ado, here is my guide to being a woman.

1. Don’t apologize for being a woman.

You’re not a man. Surely you already know that. And yet, it’s possible that you’re secretly pretending to be one. Maybe you’re in a profession that’s dominated by men, so you feel you have to hide your femininity by dressing a certain way, acting a certain way, hiding your emotions, and so forth. Maybe you want to have a baby and take extended maternity leave, but you feel guilty that you’re not putting enough emphasis on your career.

The fact is, men and women are different because they’re supposed to be different. Men and women live their lives with their brains soaking in different hormones, so it’s inevitable that they turn out to be different. Men need women to be different, so don’t apologize for being who you are.

2. Realize that men are confused about how to treat women.

While the double standard was unfair, it had the benefit of being clearly defined. Today, women have many more options available to them, but the equality of the sexes has left many men wondering how a woman wants to be treated.

If a man gets out of his car and walks around to open the passenger door for a woman, she might be surprised by this behavior and give him a look that says to him “What, are you gay or something?” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) Based on this experience, he might later decide that when she offers to help pay for dinner, that he should let her, and she ends up being silently offended.

Realize that when your man goes back and forth between treating you like a modern liberated woman and a 1950s housewife, it’s quite possible that he just has no idea what you want. He’ll appreciate you for understanding his confusion and dropping hints about how you want to be treated.

3. Be clear about what being a woman means to you.

I once saw a woman who was absolutely furious about something that had happened to her at work, and was complaining about discrimination against women and the gender wage gap. I thought she certainly had some valid points. However, when she later got a speeding ticket, she asked “How could he give me a ticket? I’m just a girl.”

Maybe you have an idea about what being a woman means to you. For example, it might include being entitled to the same career opportunities as men and receiving equal pay for equal work. Fine. But if you play the “I’m just a girl” card whenever it’s convenient, that’s completely inconsistent with the image you had about women being equal to men.

If you keep changing your mental concept of being a woman, you’re sending out inconsistent vibes. If you sometimes expect to be treated as powerful and sometimes expect to be treated as helpless, the world won’t know how to respond to you. Decide who you are, and consistently project that image.

4. Help men out with the “Venus” concept.

In Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray pointed out some differences between men and women that might be stereotypical, but are also fairly accurate. He says that when women talk about a problem they’re having, what they really want is sympathy, but a man’s instinct is to offer solutions. This results in the man not being appreciated for his efforts, while the woman thinks he doesn’t care.

The reason your man offers solutions instead of sympathy is because in his eyes, sympathy doesn’t help nearly as much. The solutions aren’t because he doesn’t care, but because he doesn’t know any better. But if he understood that sympathy is what you really want (if that’s true for you), he’d be very happy with that, since being sympathetic takes a lot less effort than figuring out solutions.

Just be aware that he needs you to help him figure out what you want. If he starts thinking of solutions, just say that all you really need is a back rub, for example. Then let him know you appreciate it at the end. After doing this a couple of times, he’ll learn this is what he’s supposed to do.

5. At the same time, make an effort to respect the “Mars” principle.

The other point that John Gray made is that men don’t like to be given unsolicited advice. While meant to be helpful, to them it might sound like “I don’t trust you to be able to solve this problem. I need to help you because you’re not capable.”

The classic example is men’s infamous unwillingness to ask for directions. I know this is not universally true because in the days before MapQuest, I once voluntarily pulled over at a gas station to ask for directions, and thought nothing of it. However, some men can be much more difficult, refusing to stop for help, refusing even to call the friend they’re trying to find.

While this behavior may perplex you, know that it’s normal. If possible, try to avoid giving advice, even if you think it will be helpful. You can be the bigger woman here! However, there may be situations where remaining silent stops being an option, such as when you’ve been driving way too long, you still haven’t found the place, and you know you’re not going to.

One possibility is to just take out your cell phone and call someone for help, without telling him in advance what you’re doing. This way, you’ve spared him from “the shame of giving up.” On the other hand, he might not like this at all. There might not be a universal solution for this problem, but you can learn from experience what works best for you.

6. Don’t be offended when your man stares at someone else.

Yes, he’s wrong to do it, but it’s a necessary side effect of the same hormones that helped bring you together in the first place. A confident woman is secure enough not to feel threatened by an occasional peek. Besides, as Marilyn vos Savant said, “A pretty woman turns the heads of the boys, a beautiful woman turns the heads of the men too, but it takes a gorgeous woman to turn the heads of the women.” So if you didn’t turn your head, then she’s not that much of a threat.

If your man is bothering you by excessively staring at other women, one way to handle it is with an unexpected comment such as “check out the ass on her!” In addition to bringing to his attention that he might be staring more than he realizes, he’ll be so impressed you had the courage to say such a thing that he’ll instantly forget about what’s-her-name.

7. Gracefully handle the wedding dress issue.

If you’re an unmarried woman, the odds are good that one day you’ll want to spend thousands of dollars on a custom-made designer silk wedding dress that you’ll only wear once. The odds are also good that you’ll fail miserably in convincing your man that this makes any sense at all.

He wants to marry you, but he doesn’t care about the actual wedding, so don’t try to explain how important the dress is to you. He won’t get that. Instead, relate it to something he does care about. Something like this:

“Honey, did you see that the new Porsche 911 is out? I love this car, but the sticker price starts at $74,000. That seems like an awful lot, and your 1993 Corolla is still holding up. What do you think?”

To you, the car is stupid. To him, the dress is stupid. But they both mean similar things to their prospective owners. If you show that you value his wants even though you don’t understand them, he’s much more likely to reciprocate. Besides, the Porsche is a much better deal in terms of hours of enjoyment per dollar.

(Since finance is one of the topics I write about, I can’t let this go without saying that both a Porsche and an expensive wedding dress are terrible investments, logically speaking. Sure, sometimes it’s not about logic, but think very carefully before deciding that you have money to burn.)

Photo by chispita_666

Last week I came across erica.biz, a very interesting blog by Erica Douglass about investing, setting goals, and entrepreneurship. She shares some great advice and the story of how she became a millionaire at 26, but something that really stood out for me was actually a comment someone left regarding peak experiences and drudge experiences, which said:

Most people find washing dishes annoying, but they’ll do it…Me on the other side, I grew up with a dish washer and spent my first 7 years out of home without one. These are 7 wasted years of my life and it was not just a ‘oh I hate it but I do it’ thing, but really hating. Doing it never was easy.

I’ve never before come across someone who hated washing dishes so much that they considered it to have wasted 7 years of their life. I couldn’t help laughing hysterically before eventually deciding that it wasn’t really funny.

There might not be another person on the planet who shares such an intense hatred of washing dishes, but many of us despise things that might seem perfectly fine to someone else.

I left one job because I got sick of working until 10:00 every night, and sometimes until 4:00 in the morning. People were honestly surprised that I hated that.

I’d hate not having a car, even though millions of people (including Brip Blap) argue that public transportation is better for a number of reasons.

I hate any event that doesn’t allow jeans. I can put up with it for weddings and other things that are necessarily formal, but not for restaurants where the food isn’t even that good. It’s dumb and elitist and I hate it.

Many people might not be able to imagine why things like this bother me at all, the same way I don’t understand what’s so bad about washing dishes (though I’ve always had a dishwasher). Let’s try to be a little more understanding of people who seem to overreact to things we don’t think are that bad. One person’s peak experience is another person’s drudgery.

Not being married, I can’t really comment, but this seems about right to me. Thanks, Jacob!

Note: I’m about to leave for my vacation. I’ve scheduled some posts to be published automatically during my absence, and I’ll respond to comments when I return.

Did you read The Grand Illusion: The Real Tim Ferriss Speaks? I’m giving it the honor of both the best and worst April Fools’ joke of 2008.

For those of you who might not know of Tim Ferriss, he’s famous for making extreme use of personal outsourcing. In this post, he managed to convince an awful lot of people that he had outsourced all of his blog writing for the last 366 days.

What made it work so well is that he explained in precise detail how he accomplished this feat, using a strategy that was unmistakably his. And that’s also what made it backfire.

While I thought it was very funny, and quite obviously a joke, many people were very upset. Tim Ferriss has offered hope to so many people who dream of ditching the 9-to-5 and joining the new rich, and these people didn’t like hearing that it wasn’t him they were listening to.

Here’s what some of them had to say:

“Well, I for one feel betrayed. The title is ‘The Blog of Tim Ferris’ and that’s what I thought I was getting…But now you tell me I’ve never really read anything by YOU. The whole situation makes me feel like an idiot. This is NOT an example of living by the 4HWW principles. This is an example of fraud.”

“I wish you the best, but I don’t think I’ll be back. It’s just too fundamentally dishonest.”

“I feel that I’ve gotten to know you throughout the past year on this blog. I thought I was getting an insight into your thoughts and life. I’ve invested a considerable amount of time and energy in reading and implementing these ideas. Compare it to two friends spending time together. You’ve built a lot of relationships on this blog. Now that I know they are not your ideas I feel tricked and have no idea who you truly are.”

“We are no longer friends.”

“Wait a minute. Now I’m kind of ticked…At first I thought it was funny, but when I realize that I want YOUR advice, not some random writer’s advice. If I want to know how to taste wine I’ll look it up on a much more qualified site or ask a trusted friend. I was thinking you were a ‘trusted friend’ who had some great insight on tasting wine. Now you aren’t anything more than an everyday magazine editor who assigns work.”

“Interesting marketing strategy. Make fools of your customers (my copy of your book is in my Sony eReader, my wife’s in hardback). In full disclosure, yea, I was fooled. Even blogged about Tim’s creativity and tossed a link this way, so now all my blog readers know what a fool I am too. Luckily I was able to delete within minutes, but that’s too late for the RSS feed. Thanks, Tim. Thanks a million.”

“I found your website about one week ago & subscribed to it via Bloglines. I thought it was a legitimate, honest site about productivity. Now I realize your last article was just a prank & have no reason to believe your previous articles were any different. I won’t be wasting my time reading your posts anymore.”

“Sorry, this wasn’t even funny, unless you count ruining one’s credibility as a joke.”

“I’m really disappointed. After reading the 4HWW nearly a year ago and taking to heart your ideas of joining the NR, I really have looked forward to each blog post from you. I’ll continue trying to come up with muses and test them as I have been been doing, but I’m not too sure about your blog. From a recent business college grad who really looks up to you, this is pretty disheartening. I recall a user comment about a month ago questioning whether or not you outsource your blog, and ‘you’ replied something to the tune of, ‘I guess you just have to trust me.’ Ouch.”

Ouch indeed! But there were also people who commented on how brilliant his outsourcing was:

“Well played, sir…well played. A very nice twist that shows your principles in action. I’m blown away. Kudos to Roger and Van for putting together some fantastic content over the past year.”

“I’m absolutely not upset. In fact, I think this is totally awesome, and simply adds to the Tim Ferriss inspirational picture…You’ve proven IT CAN BE DONE, even when you’re a high-profile rock star. From now on, when folks tell you that “I can’t pull back from my 70 hour work week, ’cause my boss will notice I’m not there.”, you can show them PROOF. You’ve done it…Keep it up sir, you’re still inspiring me on a daily basis.”

“Great way to make a point! It’s really hard for people to think outside the cubicle. Would love to learn more about Web 2.0 and its applications in marketing. Live Young!”

“The ‘feelings, goals, and opinions of Tim Ferriss’ or his passions if you will, are finding ways to create time for yourself while still having the lifestyle you want. Nobody here should be upset by his ‘experiment.’ It was brilliantly played. It is his blog and he can do with it whatever he wants, and I personally can’t wait to see what’s coming next.”

Out of 144 comments (so far), very few people realized it was a joke, even after some people left comments saying so. Tim was going to let it run its course until he saw all the negative reactions. Then he left some comments and wrote a new post to explain everything. I thought it was hilarious, but I would have ended the original post with a note saying it was a joke, since it clearly wasn’t obvious to everyone.

Tim did a wonderful job of fooling people, and for his great success in getting people to both idolize and despise him, I’m calling this both the best and worst April Fools’ joke of 2008.

Photo by Sister72

Along with millions of other people, I’ll be celebrating Singles Awareness Day on Friday, February 15. (This date is not universally recognized, as some people prefer the 13th or 14th.)

I wasn’t even aware of this holiday until I read a somewhat strange post by Tim Ferriss, No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine’s Day Instead. I sure wasn’t going to get one of those T-shirts, but I thought the holiday was an interesting concept.

Apparently, some people celebrate Singles Awareness Day as a form of self-deprecating humor, or out of spite for Valentine’s Day. I don’t think that’s a good idea at all. But I think it’s a good time to remember that being single is not inherently wrong.

In Exploring Relationships with the Single Weirdo, Craig Harper talks about how everyone reacts to his being single in his early 40s. It’s pretty entertaining and he has some good points about how being single is not a bad thing for everyone.

Somehow it seems to be almost mandatory that you marry whoever you happen to be with when you reach the right age. Hmmm, what’s the U.S. divorce rate again? While being single may not be ideal for everyone, I think it’s always better than marrying the wrong person.

Unfortunately, the biological clock puts pressure on people to get married quickly. I can’t remember where I saw this, but I read a comic strip that illustrated this perfectly. It was just a single frame, and a lady was talking to her daughter after the daughter had an argument with her father. The lady said “I know he’s not a very nice daddy, but I was 35.”

Someone I know has two sayings I’m a big fan of.

1. “How do you know that’s true?”

2. “Don’t check your brain at the door.”

In Don’t get fooled again, Seth Godin explains that before you forward a chain email to your entire contact list, you should do a simple lookup on Snopes to see if it’s a hoax.

This is the “How do you know that’s true?” principle. Just because someone says something is true, that doesn’t mean it is, no matter how many capital letters they use. You probably don’t even know the person who started the email, so how do you know it’s true?

About a month ago, I received a chain email that was actually true. (The first one ever!) The email warned about a deadly computer virus, and proudly claimed “CONFIRMED BY SNOPES TO BE TRUE!” Indeed, Snopes confirmed that it was a real virus…four years ago.

This is where “Don’t check your brain at the door” comes in. Most people who forward chain emails are smart people who have somehow forgotten that the unknown author of a hyped-up email doesn’t control them. Just because someone tells you to forward an email to everyone you know, that doesn’t make it a good idea.

Ask yourself if you would forward the email without being asked. Are you sure your contacts haven’t already received it? Is the threat current or from four years ago? Will the email help people, or do they already know not to open viruses?

Just some simple tips to use email for good instead of evil.

Food for thought: what if someone ever hacked Snopes?

We all have customers. For some people this is quite obvious, because you actually have a product or service that you sell to people. But even if you don’t, you still have customers. Your boss is a customer of your employment services, your spouse or significant other is a customer of your “love services,” and so on. We have to make sure our customers like what they’re getting, and that means we need to make an effort to gather useful feedback.

I’ve always thought that GEICO had fantastic customer service, second only to Go Daddy. Not that I called GEICO all that much, but whenever I had a question about my bill or wanted to change my policy, they were knowledgeable, helpful, and courteous to a far greater extent than what you normally find. That’s why it pains me to say that they’ve just given me the worst customer survey I’ve ever seen.

A few months ago, I filed a claim for a 3-car fender bender I was in. Today I got a claims examiner survey because apparently my opinions about the claims service I received are important to them. Sure, I’m happy to help.

First of all, the survey is about my experience with the claims examiner, and I’m not sure who that is because I spoke to several people. They say:

Your Claims Examiner was the primary point of contact for you regarding your claim. He or she determined what was covered by the GEICO policy, and addressed all aspects of your claim except for inspecting and estimating your vehicle damage and handling your rental.

OK, so it wasn’t the guy who inspected and estimated the damage, but this still doesn’t clear things up. I spoke to one person when I filed the claim, I spoke to another person who took my statement about the accident, there was another person whose phone number I was given in case I had any questions, someone called me to say that I should no longer call that person if I had questions but this other person instead, someone (possibly the “other person”) left me a message saying to call her if I had questions but we didn’t really need to talk, and someone else called to say who was paying for what.

So who is the claims examiner? I think it’s the person who left me the message saying to call her if I had questions, but I never spoke to her. That makes most of the survey questions useless, but let’s continue anyway.

It starts with eight questions about discussing the details of the claim with my claims examiner. If I knew for sure who the claims examiner was and had actually spoken to her, I could answer the questions with no problem. They want you to use a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is unacceptable and 10 is outstanding. If any rating is 7 or less, you have to tell them why and what could have been done better.

First of all, 7 out of 10 is not a low score, and it doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem. Second, if you make people provide that much feedback for scores of 7 or below, they’re likely to give 8s and above just to avoid that. Third, why don’t they want to hear about what they’re doing right? Fourth, the two lines they give you are not enough room to provide adequate detail for even one “7 or below” response.

There’s another question about how satisfied I was with the claim examiner’s explanation of who was at fault. The problem is, that explanation didn’t come from the claims examiner, at least not if they are who I think they are.

One of the questions asks how likely I am to recommend GEICO to a friend or family member. What does that mean? If someone specifically asks me for a recommendation for car insurance, then I’d recommend GEICO. But I’m not going to become an evangelist for them. So should I say 10 or 1?

Something that made me laugh was the question “What else could we have done to make this a far more satisfying experience?” Why do they need to say “far more?” Why presume that the experience was so awful that there’s tremendous room for improvement?

I’m sure GEICO spends a lot of money to send out, collect, and interpret these surveys. I’m also sure that the feedback they get is far less accurate and useful than it could be. Why not pick a few people and pay them $20 each for a phone interview about their experience? Then instead of getting a low response rate and arbitrary answers, they’d get people who were motivated to be as helpful as possible.

I have no idea how to answer this survey. I’m tempted to leave the answers blank and just send them a link to this post. It’s not what they asked for, but it would be far more helpful. Sometimes the best customer feedback you can get is answers to questions you didn’t ask.