Thanks to the newly-released MTVMusic.com, we now have easy access to just about every music video ever made. It doesn’t completely replace other online sources for music, because many songs don’t have videos. Still, people are cheering for this long overdue shrine to classic MTV.

To celebrate its arrival and also provide some motivation during the financial crisis, I came up with this list of the 10 most uplifting songs of all time.

This was really hard because there are just so many songs out there, and many worthy contenders had to be left out. But I gave it a shot, making up 10 separate categories to ensure some diversity. The list is heavy on British groups and almost entirely 70s/80s songs, but that wasn’t by design.

Without further ado, here are 10 songs that are great for lifting your spirits.

Best power ballad:

Somebody to Love, Queen (1976)

A year after Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen once again demonstrated their abilities with a complex melody, intricate harmonies, many high notes, and deeply layered voice tracks. Freddy Mercury searches his soul and begs God to find him somebody to love. The lyrics by themselves are extremely depressing, and yet somehow you know that everything is going to be OK.

“I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?”

Best doo-wop song:

The Longest Time, Billy Joel (1984)

Although doo-wop faded from popularity in the early 1960s, Billy Joel had a hit with “The Longest Time” in 1984. Because the only instrument used is a bass guitar, the song became a staple among a capella groups. However, Billy Joel did all the voices himself, by recording 14 different background tracks that were mixed in.

“I don’t care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time”

Best disco funk song:

Thriller, Michael Jackson (1984)

With creepy lyrics from Rod Temperton, a chilling monologue by Vincent Price, and a signature performance by then-black Michael Jackson, “Thriller” became the biggest-selling album of all time. The 14 minute video was more like a mini-movie, costing a record $500,000 and being listed in the 2006 Guinness World Records as the most successful music video. Ironically, Michael Jackson as a werecat or a zombie isn’t half as scary as what he eventually became in real life.

“It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
You’re paralyzed
‘Cause this is thriller, thriller night”

Best rap song:

Amish Paradise, Weird Al Yankovic (1996)

Weird Al really nailed it with this parody of Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise, teaching us what being Amish is all about. Because of a miscommunication, Weird Al was told that Coolio had given permission for the parody in advance, but Coolio later denied that and said he didn’t appreciate his song being desecrated. While that issue has long been behind them, I have to wonder what the Amish think of this song.

“We been spending most our lives living in an Amish paradise
We’re all crazy Mennonites living in an Amish paradise
There’s no cops or traffic lights living in an Amish paradise
But you’d probably think it bites living in an Amish paradise”

Best alternative song:

Birdhouse In Your Soul, They Might Be Giants (1989)

Back in the days when Istanbul was still Constantinople, TMBG filibustered vigilantly about a guardian angel nightlight. While many people questioned their sanity, this remains by far the world’s most popular nightlight song.

“Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
Who watches over you
Make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it
Say I’m the only bee in your bonnet
Make a little birdhouse in your soul”

Best supergroup song:

We Are the World, USA for Africa, 1985

To raise money for the 1984-1985 famine in Ethiopia, 45 popular singers recorded this charity single as the supergroup United Support of Artists for Africa. This included Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, Harry Belafonte, Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, Hall & Oates, Billy Joel, Cyndi Lauper, Huey Lewis, Bette Midler, Willie Nelson, The Pointer Sisters, Kenny Rogers, Diana Ross, Smokey Robinson, Paul Simon, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner, and Dionne Warwick. “We Are the World” reached #1 in 14 countries.

“We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making, we’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day, just you and me”

Best instrumental song:

Gonna Fly Now, Bill Conti (1976)

Not strictly an instrumental, but close enough with only 30 words, “Gonna Fly Now” was used as the theme song in Rocky. It reached #1 on the charts and received an Oscar nomination for Best Original Song.

“Trying hard now, it’s so hard now, trying hard now
Getting strong now, won’t be long now, getting strong now
Gonna fly now, flying high now, gonna fly, fly, fly”

Best progressive rock song:

Blinded By the Light, Manfred Mann’s Earth Band (1976)

After Bruce Springsteen failed to even make the charts with this song, Manfred Mann’s Earth Band redid it and took it to #1. While the original was very folky and acoustic, the remake is very heavy on synthesizers and Chris Thompson’s New Zealand accent. (And no, he’s saying “deuce”).

“And go-cart Mozart was checkin’ out the weather chart
To see if it was safe outside
And little Early-Pearly came by in his curly-wurly
And asked me if I needed a ride
Asked me if I needed a ride
But she was blinded by the light,
Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night”

Best transvestite song:

Lola, The Kinks (1970)

Even a bad case of mistaken identity couldn’t stand in the way of happiness in this song, based on two true stories in the band’s history. Surprisingly, its biggest controversy turned out not to be its reference to a drag queen, but its reference to Coca-Cola. The BBC banned “Lola” for mentioning a brand name, forcing the band to fly from New York to London to re-record it as “cherry cola.” The U.S. gets the uncensored version.

“Well that’s the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way
For my Lola, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
Except for Lola, Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola”

Best Beatles song:

Let It Be, The Beatles (1970)

If any group deserves their own category, it’s the Beatles. Paul McCartney based this song on a dream he had about his deceased mother (Mary), who told him, “It will be alright, just let it be.” This was the last single the Beatles released, and it went to #1 in five countries.

“When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”

Like I said, the astronomical number of songs in the world meant that many great ones had to be left out, plus this list is obviously influenced by my own opinions. What songs would you add?

I have no words to describe this. Nick Vujicic video (5:18).

More at Nick’s site.

“There is no such thing as a stupid question. However, if there were such a thing, that would most certainly have been it.”

- Unknown

Is there such a thing as a stupid question? Tim Brownson doesn’t think so, and I’m leaning towards that myself. There might be annoying questions, like if you happen to be blessed with a 5-year-old who constantly asks things like “If oranges were blue, would we still call it orange juice?” But then you stop and think about it, and you realize that it’s a darn good question, probably better than any you’ve asked in a while.

The closest thing to a stupid question I can think of is when someone in my high school Spanish class asked “What does spoon mean?” But that wasn’t a stupid question, just a stupid way of phrasing the question that was supposed to be “How do you say spoon in Spanish?”

In Tim’s book Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – There Are No Stupid Questions, he says that our life is heavily influenced by the questions we ask, especially those we ask of ourselves. So what questions are you asking?

You have an inner voice, right? Does it ask questions? It probably screams at you and maybe tells you that you can’t do anything right, or nothing’s ever going to work out. But when it’s in a calmer mood, it’s asks questions, doesn’t it? If not, it really should, unless you already know everything. Sometimes the question is a lot more important than the answer.

In this book, Tim tones down his hilarious humor a bit and reveals more of the life coach side of him. OK, he also talks about ducks, whether curiosity did indeed kill the cat, and Mexican guys who can run 100 miles without stopping, but I mean the book has a lot more than just entertainment value. It’s very insightful, and each chapter ends with a great question to ask yourself. Don’t just read it–think about the questions!

It’s available as a $14.99 hardcover or a $9.99 ebook. I read the hardcover, and I was impressed that he managed to put out something that looks that nice. I just may have to kidnap his publisher to use for myself.

However, I’m still not 100% convinced that there are no stupid questions, so I’d like to ask everyone to leave the stupidest question you can think of in the comments. Then go check out Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – There Are No Stupid Questions.

On March 31st, I wrote a post about A Complaint Free World, a movement started by Rev. Will Bowen. People complain 15-30 times a day on average, but this complaining really doesn’t do any good. And Bowen has a simple idea for fixing it.

Just put on one of his purple bracelets. If you ever complain, switch it to the other wrist. When you keep it on the same wrist for 21 days in a row, you’ve established a habit of not complaining, and life is better.

A couple days ago, Will Bowen found my blog, I guess through a Google search (I’m currently #24 for “a complaint free world”). Someone from his organization emailed and called me, saying they wanted to send me a copy of their book, as well as the bracelets I requested a while back but haven’t received yet. Not that I’m complaining! But their all-volunteer staff is really backed up, and they’ve had problems with fraudulent requests and so forth. I’ve been using a bracelet that I got from alternate productivity superdude Clay Collins.

What makes this even better is the timing. When they contacted me, I had just completed the 21 day challenge 4 days earlier. So they offered to send me a complaint free t-shirt, and reminded me that I could have my name added to the list of 21 Day Complaint Free Champions.

It took me 5 months to go for 21 consecutive days without complaining, which is within the typical range of 4-10 months. Rev. Will Bowen took three and a half months to finish, and Tim Ferriss took three months (not sure why, the guy only works 4 hours a week). I showed very gradual progress, taking a week to make it one day without complaining, and taking maybe three months to make it a week without complaining.

What I noticed early on is that I felt very vulnerable when I didn’t allow myself to complain, like I had deprived myself of an essential means of defense. When talking to people, I felt like I had to be very careful not to say what was on my mind, and just take whatever they said without reacting much. But this feeling faded pretty fast.

The day after I started, I found that someone who had done something for me made a mistake that really needed to be fixed. I didn’t know what to do. Did I have to just accept what they had done, and live with the innocent but awful mistake? I checked the website for a loophole.

Fortunately, the website said you’re allowed to inform someone of a mistake that needs to be corrected. You just can’t get all emotional about it. So with that in mind, I found that complaining, as they define it, really wasn’t the necessary part of life that we make it out to be. I considered myself to be a low-volume complainer when I started, but I was surprised to see how much I complained without noticing. And I’ve noticed that a lot of people pick some really stupid things to complain about.

I’ve come a long way, but I’m certainly not perfect about not complaining. They say that complaints don’t count if you keep them in your head, and I’ve needed to use that technicality to make it for 21 days. I still complain in my head more than I’d like to, so I’m still working on that. But I was really surprised that I managed to not complain out loud when I upgraded to WordPress 2.6 and couldn’t log in to my blog.

So far, I only know for sure of one person who I’ve gotten to wear the bracelet. He’s been inconsistent with wearing it, and ironically, he’s been complaining that the bracelet isn’t comfortable. But he’s trying, and that’s really the point. Just make an effort, and you’ll get there eventually.

Are you complaint free? If not, what’s stopping you?

Image from The Simpsons

Abraham Simpson, also known as “Grampa,” is well known to fans of The Simpsons around the world. One of the leading experts on misery, he can teach us much about how to live more miserable lives. Here are some of his most important lessons.

1. Don’t take any crap from inanimate objects.

Being inanimate is just another excuse for being lazy, and we have to show these objects who’s boss. Abraham’s crowning achievement was being featured in the newspaper for yelling at a fluffy white cloud. In his day, clouds respected their elders. Nowadays, they’re floating around like they own the place. Don’t let them.

2. Be a lousy father.

Your kids probably won’t take care of you in your golden years, so why not get revenge in advance? Your children are the future…unless you stop them.

When his son Homer was six years old, Abraham told him, “Homer, you’re dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!”

When Homer grew up, one day he realized that his parents never told him his middle name. When he asked what it was, Abraham said, “How should I know? It was your mother’s job to name you, and love you and such. I was mainly in it for the spanking.”

3. Write letters to complain about anything that isn’t exactly how you like it.

Abraham wrote a letter to the president, saying “Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.” While he didn’t specify which ones should be cut in the letter, on another occasion he said, “I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah.”

He also wrote a letter to complain about the commercials on TV, saying, “Dear advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.”

While many people would let these things slide, Abraham knows that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem.

4. Make enemies with animals.

While humans deserve most of your wrath, animals aren’t automatically exempt. Every one of them is a potential threat, and you can never let your guard down.

Abraham once underestimated a turtle, who stole his false teeth and ran off. Adding insult to injury, when he finally caught up, the turtle bit him with his own teeth.

When a gorilla threatened to move in on his girlfriend, Abraham vowed to give him the frowning of a lifetime.

He was looking for a new pet at the retirement home, after they “accidentally killed that smart mouth bird.” Sure, “accidentally.”

5. Remain stuck in the past. Preferably, a past that never actually happened.

Abraham is very much stuck in a past that he created with his imagination, as well as what he was able to piece together from sugar packets. The past is much more important than the present, because you can make it whatever you want it to be, as long as you don’t get caught.

He claims to have invented the toilet, turned cats and dogs against each other, canceled Star Trek, lived in the head of the Statue of Liberty, been spanked by Grover Cleveland on two non-consecutive occasions, nearly killed Hitler with a javelin in the 1936 Olympics, invented kissing as a new way of spreading germs in World War I, and died in World War II.

Go ahead, try to prove him wrong (well, maybe we can prove he didn’t die in World War II since he’s alive today). Anything that’s not verifiably false is true enough. Don’t pay any attention to the present, because soon enough it becomes the past, and then you can change it to your liking.

This post is a sample entry for my “How To Be Miserable” Contest, sponsored by life coach Tim Brownson. Enter for your chance to win a book or a coaching session!

Well gang, we’ve just seen 1,000 Ways To Be Happy. But in the interest of living a balanced life, we should now explore the art of being miserable.

I’m running a contest sponsored by professional life coach Tim Brownson. Tim is offering these terrific prizes:

• A full life coaching session of one hour. (Tim suggests that helping the person understand their values would be most beneficial, but he’s happy to let them decide what they want the session to cover.)
• A signed copy of his book “Don’t Ask Stupid Questions – There Are No Stupid Questions” (mailed anywhere in the world).
• A copy of his ebook “Know Yourself – Change Yourself.”

The 1st place finisher will choose the prize they want, the 2nd place finisher will choose from the remaining two prizes, and the 3rd place finisher will get the remaining prize.

To enter the contest, you’ll write a post about how to be miserable. To see some sample ways to be miserable, and to get an idea about the spirit of the contest, watch Tim’s video Ways To Be Miserable.

There are three steps to entering:

1. Write a post about how to be miserable. The style and format is up to you. You might pick your favorite method of misery and describe it in detail, or you might write a list post, or you might record a video post…whatever works for you. Entries will be judged by Tim and me on the basis of originality, humor, and insight.

2. Link to both Tim and me in your post. Exactly how you do that is up to you, just use decent keywords in the link text.

3. Leave a comment below to tell us you’ve entered the contest. We want to be able to see all the entries in one place, so just leave a comment below saying “Hi, my post about how to be miserable is here: http://…” Of course, you’re welcome to leave a comment without having entered the contest. And don’t worry about someone else reading your post and stealing your ideas, because we’ll know who wrote what first.

I’ll write a misery post just for fun and to demonstrate a sample entry, not to actually enter the contest. On the other hand, if we don’t have at least three people enter, then heck yeah I’ll claim a prize–I want that coaching!

(BTW, in my last contest, I said that if you entered but didn’t win, your entry would roll forward to the next contest. Obviously that won’t work here since this isn’t a random drawing, so your entry from last time will roll forward to the next contest after this one.)

All entries must be received by 11:59 PM EST Monday, September 1, 2008. Good luck, and may the most miserable person win!

Because apparently the blogosphere doesn’t have enough already…

1. Take a walk.
2. Learn a new language.
3. Talk to a child.
4. Play with a child.
5. Adopt a child.
6. Work on your 5-year plan.
7. Set realistic goals.
8. Cross something off your todo list.
9. Stop and smell the roses.
10. Pretend to be a marine biologist.
11. Hug someone.
12. Kiss someone.
13. Do something else with someone.
14. Digg something.
15. Forgive yourself.
16. Forgive someone else.
17. Empty your spam folder.
18. Shake someone’s hand.
19. Start a business.
20. Make a list of things you’re thankful for.
21. Stop complaining.
22. Stretch.
23. Make someone else happy.
24. Bake a cake from scratch.
25. Give excess stuff to charity.
26. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
27. Play pinball.
28. Sing.
29. Listen to music.
30. Listen to a car alarm as if it were music.
31. Call a friend and just chat.
32. Quit your job.
33. Use positive affirmations.
34. Do some spring cleaning.
35. Tell a joke.
36. Decide not to keep up with the Joneses.
37. Buy an expensive car and give it to the Joneses, just to mess with them.
38. Draw something.
39. Start a garden.
40. Quit smoking.
41. Get some fresh air.
42. Just decide to be happy.
43. Practice origami.
44. Jump in puddles.
45. Stay focused on the moment.
46. Dream.
47. Buckle your seat belt.
48. Balance your checkbook.
49. Do laundry.
50. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
51. Put on a fake moustache and go around telling everyone you’re looking for your long lost twin.
52. Go to church.
53. Stop going to church.
54. Only watch TV shows that make you feel better.
55. Start hitting yourself, and see how good it feels when you stop.
56. Get enough sleep.
57. Cross the street.
58. Obey the law.
59. Lose weight.
60. Gain weight.
61. Refinance your mortgage.
62. Pick your battles carefully.
63. Find a feather.
64. Go to the Super Bowl.
65. Go to the World Series.
66. Go to the Olympics.
67. Go to a party.
68. Have your portrait painted.
69. Watch the launch of the space shuttle.
70. Eat a box of donuts.
71. Brew your own beer.
72. Grow a beard.
73. Write a fan letter.
74. Do jury duty.
75. Go to Oktoberfest.
76. Be a mentor.
77. Teach a kid to read.
78. Write your mission statement.
79. Watch a lunar eclipse.
80. Celebrate a made-up holiday.
81. Support a cause.
82. Drive across America.
83. Count the stars.
84. FTP a file.
85. Go to the beach.
86. Ride a roller coaster.
87. Go fishing.
88. Go hot air ballooning.
89. Go camping.
90. Stop worrying about what other people think.
91. Compliment someone.
92. Take up photography.
93. Dye your hair blue and pretend you don’t know it’s blue.
94. Have phone sex with a telemarketer.
95. Stop watching the news.
96. Vote for someone who’s not George W. Bush.
97. Switch to Gmail.
98. Switch to Firefox.
99. Switch shampoos.
100. Clip coupons.
101. Light a candle.
102. Go to a museum.
103. Change a tire.
104. Change a diaper.
105. Go dancing.
106. Sneeze.
107. Make a time capsule.
108. Read articles about how to be happy.
109. Stop being a perfectionist.
110. Dress up like a clown.
111. Floss.
112. Stop being envious.
113. Stop being fearful.
114. Stop being angry.
115. Stop being sad.
116. Talk to someone about your problems and realize how stupid they sound.
117. Drop out of school.
118. Go back to school.
119. Look at trees.
120. Count to 1,000,000.
121. Go quack at some ducks.
122. Take the stairs instead of the elevator.
123. Take a kid’s nose and eventually give it back.
124. Do a good deed.
125. Perform CPR on someone (when the situation warrants it).
126. Become an organ donor.
127. Visit the library.
128. Embrace simplicity.
129. Lower your expectations.
130. Wash your hands.
131. Read a random article on Wikipedia.
132. See how fast you can run.
133. See how high you can jump.
134. Mow the lawn.
135. Learn sign language.
136. Learn Pig Latin.
137. Teach your kids Pig Latin as their native language.
138. Subscribe to a blog.
139. Get married.
140. Get divorced.
141. Say please.
142. Say thank you.
143. Say you’re welcome.
144. Leave comments on a blog.
145. Read a blog post.
146. Write a blog post.
147. Read a book.
148. Write a book.
149. Watch a movie.
150. Write a movie script.
151. Read a haiku.
152. Write a haiku.
153. Read a sonnet.
154. Write a sonnet.
155. Visit Alabama.
156. Visit Alaska.
157. Visit Arizona.
158. Visit Arkansas.
159. Visit California.
160. Visit Colorado.
161. Visit Connecticut.
162. Visit Delaware.
163. Visit Florida.
164. Visit Georgia.
165. Visit Hawaii.
166. Visit Idaho.
167. Visit Illinois.
168. Visit Indiana.
169. Visit Iowa.
170. Visit Kansas.
171. Visit Kentucky.
172. Visit Louisiana.
173. Visit Maine.
174. Visit Maryland.
175. Visit Massachusetts.
176. Visit Michigan.
177. Visit Minnesota.
178. Visit Mississippi.
179. Visit Missouri.
180. Visit Montana.
181. Visit Nebraska.
182. Visit Nevada.
183. Visit New Hampshire.
184. Visit New Jersey.
185. Visit New Mexico.
186. Visit New York.
187. Visit North Carolina.
188. Visit North Dakota.
189. Visit Ohio.
190. Visit Oklahoma.
191. Visit Oregon.
192. Visit Pennsylvania.
193. Visit Rhode Island.
194. Visit South Carolina.
195. Visit South Dakota.
196. Visit Tennessee.
197. Visit Texas.
198. Visit Utah.
199. Visit Vermont.
200. Visit Virginia.
201. Visit Washington, D.C.
202. Visit Washington state.
203. Visit West Virginia.
204. Visit Wisconsin.
205. Visit Wyoming.
206. Visit Albania.
207. Visit Algeria.
208. Visit Andorra.
209. Visit Angola.
210. Visit Antigua and Barbuda.
211. Visit Argentina.
212. Visit Armenia.
213. Visit Australia.
214. Visit Austria.
215. Visit Azerbaijan.
216. Visit the Bahamas.
217. Visit Bahrain.
218. Visit Bangladesh.
219. Visit Barbados.
220. Visit Belarus.
221. Visit Belgium.
222. Visit Belize.
223. Visit Benin.
224. Visit Bhutan.
225. Visit Bolivia.
226. Visit Bosnia and Herzegovina.
227. Visit Botswana.
228. Visit Brazil.
229. Visit Brunei.
230. Visit Bulgaria.
231. Visit Burkina Faso.
232. Visit Burundi.
233. Visit Cambodia.
234. Visit Cameroon.
235. Visit Canada.
236. Visit Cape Verde.
237. Visit Chad.
238. Visit Chile.
239. Visit China.
240. Visit Colombia.
241. Visit Comoros.
242. Visit Costa Rica.
243. Visit Côte d’Ivoire.
244. Visit Croatia.
245. Visit Cuba.
246. Visit Cyprus.
247. Visit Czech Republic.
248. Visit Denmark.
249. Visit Djibouti.
250. Visit Dominica.
251. Visit the Dominican Republic.
252. Visit East Timor.
253. Visit Ecuador.
254. Visit Egypt.
255. Visit El Salvador.
256. Visit Equatorial Guinea.
257. Visit Eritrea.
258. Visit Estonia.
259. Visit Ethiopia.
260. Visit Fiji.
261. Visit Finland.
262. Visit France.
263. Visit Gabon.
264. Visit the Gambia.
265. Visit Germany.
266. Visit Greece.
267. Visit Grenada.
268. Visit Guatemala.
269. Visit Guinea.
270. Visit Guinea-Bissau.
271. Visit Guyana.
272. Visit Honduras.
273. Visit Hungary.
274. Visit Iceland.
275. Visit India.
276. Visit Indonesia.
277. Visit Ireland.
278. Visit Israel.
279. Visit Italy.
280. Visit Jamaica.
281. Visit Japan.
282. Visit Jordan.
283. Visit Kazakhstan.
284. Visit Kenya.
285. Visit Kiribati.
286. Visit Kuwait.
287. Visit Kyrgyzstan.
288. Visit Laos.
289. Visit Latvia.
290. Visit Lesotho.
291. Visit Liberia.
292. Visit Liechtenstein.
293. Visit Lithuania.
294. Visit Luxembourg.
295. Visit Macedonia.
296. Visit Madagascar.
297. Visit Malawi.
298. Visit Malaysia.
299. Visit Maldives.
300. Visit Mali.
301. Visit Malta.
302. Visit the Marshall Islands.
303. Visit Mauritania.
304. Visit Mauritius.
305. Visit Mexico.
306. Visit Micronesia.
307. Visit Moldova.
308. Visit Monaco.
309. Visit Mongolia.
310. Visit Montenegro.
311. Visit Morocco.
312. Visit Mozambique.
313. Visit Namibia.
314. Visit Nauru.
315. Visit Nepal.
316. Visit the Netherlands.
317. Visit New Zealand.
318. Visit Nicaragua.
319. Visit Niger.
320. Visit Nigeria.
321. Visit Norway.
322. Visit Oman.
323. Visit Palau.
324. Visit Panama.
325. Visit Papua New Guinea.
326. Visit Paraguay.
327. Visit Peru.
328. Visit the Philippines.
329. Visit Poland.
330. Visit Portugal.
331. Visit Qatar.
332. Visit Romania.
333. Visit Russia.
334. Visit Rwanda.
335. Visit Saint Kitts and Nevis.
336. Visit Saint Lucia.
337. Visit Saint Vincent and the Grenadines.
338. Visit Samoa.
339. Visit San Marino.
340. Visit São Tomé and Príncipe.
341. Visit Senegal.
342. Visit Serbia.
343. Visit Seychelles.
344. Visit Sierra Leone.
345. Visit Singapore.
346. Visit Slovakia.
347. Visit Slovenia.
348. Visit the Solomon Islands.
349. Visit South Africa.
350. Visit Spain.
351. Visit Suriname.
352. Visit Swaziland.
353. Visit Sweden.
354. Visit Switzerland.
355. Visit Syria.
356. Visit Tajikistan.
357. Visit Tanzania.
358. Visit Thailand.
359. Visit Togo.
360. Visit Tonga.
361. Visit Trinidad and Tobago.
362. Visit Tunisia.
363. Visit Turkey.
364. Visit Turkmenistan.
365. Visit Tuvalu.
366. Visit Uganda.
367. Visit the Ukraine.
368. Visit the United Kingdom.
369. Visit Uruguay.
370. Visit Uzbekistan.
371. Visit Vanuatu.
372. Visit Vatican City.
373. Visit Venezuela.
374. Visit Vietnam.
375. Visit Zambia.
376. Stumble something.
377. Do pushups.
378. Go jogging.
379. Smile.
380. Laugh.
381. Swim (backstroke).
382. Swim (breaststroke).
383. Swim (butterfly).
384. Swim (freestyle).
385. Go diving.
386. Take deep breaths.
387. Meditate.
388. Do jumping jacks.
389. Do cartwheels.
390. Stretch.
391. Go canoeing.
392. Lie in a hammock.
393. Go to the zoo.
394. Solve the Towers of Babylon.
395. Play basketball.
396. Play baseball.
397. Go bowling.
398. Play volleyball.
399. Play beach volleyball.
400. Play tennis.
401. Ride a horse.
402. Play rugby.
403. Play cricket.
404. Do crunches.
405. Go on a picnic.
406. Learn how to juggle.
407. Learn how to solve Rubik’s Cube.
408. Practice speedcubing.
409. Play soccer.
410. Do a jigsaw puzzle.
411. Do sudoku.
412. Do a crossword puzzle.
413. Play golf.
414. Practice yoga.
415. Do a headstand.
416. Throw away your PDA.
417. Play ultimate frisbee.
418. Play underwater football.
419. Play underwater rugby.
420. Play water polo.
421. Learn how to ride a unicycle.
422. Learn morse code.
423. Go scuba diving.
424. Go snorkeling.
425. Take up archery.
426. Take up painting.
427. Take up sculpture.
428. Take up auto racing.
429. Go surfing.
430. Go bodyboarding.
431. Go skateboarding.
432. Go hang gliding.
433. Go skiing.
434. Go cross-country skiing.
435. Go snowboarding.
436. Make a snowman.
437. Make snow angels.
438. Go sailing.
439. Play bocce.
440. Play dodgeball.
441. Play kickball.
442. Have a snowball fight.
443. Have a food fight.
444. Go rock climbing.
445. Go skydiving.
446. Upgrade WordPress.
447. Install a new WordPress plugin.
448. Look at something with binoculars.
449. Play chess.
450. Play checkers.
451. Ride a bike.
452. Solve a mystery.
453. Be there for someone.
454. Ride a train.
455. Get on a plane.
456. Take up wrestling.
457. Take up sumo wrestling.
458. Take up judo.
459. Play laser tag.
460. Play paintball.
461. Clean out your garage.
462. Clean your refrigerator.
463. Vacuum the carpet.
464. Polish the banister.
465. Clean a toilet.
466. Take up ballet.
467. Take up ballroom dancing.
468. Take up breakdancing.
469. Take up Irish dancing.
470. Take up Latin dancing.
471. Take up salsa dancing.
472. Take up tap dancing.
473. Take up hip-hop.
474. Take up fencing.
475. Take up kendo.
476. Take up boxing.
477. Take up karate.
478. Take up kickboxing.
479. Take up kung fu.
480. Take up taekwondo.
481. Take up hapkido.
482. Take up jeet kune do.
483. Take up ninjitsu.
484. Practice with nunchakus.
485. Play straight pool.
486. Play eight-ball.
487. Play nine-ball.
488. Play three-ball.
489. Play seven-ball.
490. Play ten-ball.
491. Play cribbage.
492. Play cutthroat.
493. Play Russian pyramid.
494. Play bumper pool.
495. Take up bullfighting.
496. Take up gymnastics (balance beam).
497. Take up gymnastics (floor).
498. Take up gymnastics (high bar).
499. Take up gymnastics (parallel bars).
500. Take up gymnastics (pommel horse).
501. Take up gymnastics (rings).
502. Take up gymnastics (uneven bars).
503. Take up gymnastics (vault).
504. Take up cheerleading.
505. Take up rope jumping.
506. Take up rhythmic gymnastics.
507. Take up trampolining.
508. Take up the trapeze.
509. Play handball.
510. Play four square.
511. Play field hockey.
512. Play lacrosse.
513. Play indoor field hockey.
514. Play indoor soccer.
515. Play hurling.
516. Go rollerblading.
517. Go roller skating.
518. Go ice skating.
519. Play ice hockey.
520. Play underwater hockey.
521. Play street hockey.
522. Go hunting.
523. Fly a kite.
524. Defuse a bomb.
525. Be a volunteer firefighter.
526. Enter a biathlon.
527. Enter a triathlon.
528. Enter a pentathlon.
529. Enter a decathlon.
530. Enter a marathon.
531. Enter a half marathon.
532. Enter an ultramarathon.
533. Enter a 10K race.
534. Enter a 5 mile race.
535. Enter a 1 mile race.
536. Enter a 1500 meter race.
537. Enter a 400 meter race.
538. Enter a 100 meter dash.
539. Enter a 100 yard dash.
540. Enter a 50 meter dash.
541. Enter a 50 yard dash.
542. Go motorboating.
543. Go waterskiing.
544. Ride a motorcycle.
545. Go kayaking.
546. Go whitewater rafting.
547. Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream.
548. Go paragliding.
549. Go parasailing.
550. Go skysurfing.
551. Play badminton.
552. Play jai alai.
553. Play with a Ouija board.
554. Play paddleball.
555. Play ping pong.
556. Play platform tennis.
557. Recycle.
558. Turn off lights when not in use.
559. Plant a tree.
560. Help someone with their homework.
561. Help someone with their Eagle Scout project.
562. Update a Wikipedia entry.
563. Play racquetball.
564. Play squash.
565. Play softball.
566. Play t-ball.
567. Play speedball.
568. Play speedminton.
569. Play speed golf.
570. Play speed chess.
571. Play Chinese checkers.
572. Use a GPS navigation system.
573. Enter a hurdles race.
574. Go yachting.
575. Try ski jumping.
576. Go sledding.
577. Go bobsledding.
578. Do clay pigeon shooting.
579. Play hide and seek.
580. Play red rover.
581. Play tag.
582. Play freeze tag.
583. Go hiking.
584. Go to a waterfall.
585. Play backgammon.
586. Play Parcheesi.
587. Play Chutes and Ladders.
588. Play Go.
589. Play Monopoly.
590. Go to a rodeo.
591. Join AARP.
592. Renew some kind of membership.
593. Register a domain name.
594. Do a high jump.
595. Do a long jump.
596. Do a triple jump.
597. Do a pole vault.
598. Play hopscotch.
599. Do a discus throw.
600. Do a hammer throw.
601. Do a javelin throw.
602. Do a shot put.
603. Carry the Olympic torch.
604. Open a high-yield savings account.
605. Go racewalking.
606. Take up ham radio.
607. Go orienteering.
608. Enter a wheelchair race.
609. Play shuffleboard.
610. Twirl a baton.
611. Throw a boomerang.
612. Go bungee jumping.
613. Enter an eating contest.
614. Enter an egg and spoon race.
615. Play hackysack.
616. Go lumberjacking.
617. Go spelunking.
618. Buy a new mattress.
619. Play tetherball.
620. Enter a three-legged race.
621. Enter a sack race.
622. Enter a typing contest.
623. Play pin the tail on the donkey.
624. Play wallball.
625. Take up synchronized swimming.
626. Take up inline speed skating.
627. Take up figure skating.
628. Take up arm wrestling.
629. Take up thumb wrestling.
630. Take up bodybuilding.
631. Take up weightlifting.
632. Take up powerlifting.
633. Take up toe wrestling.
634. Play tug of war.
635. Play air hockey.
636. Play Connect Four.
637. Play dominoes.
638. Play Scrabble.
639. Play Stratego.
640. Play Risk.
641. Play foosball.
642. Play croquet.
643. Play darts.
644. Play horseshoes.
645. Take up knife throwing.
646. Play marbles.
647. Play jacks.
648. Play mini-golf.
649. Play beach handball.
650. Ride a dune buggy.
651. Play beach soccer.
652. Play beach rugby.
653. Join a marching band.
654. Join the circus.
655. Play polo.
656. Join Toastmasters.
657. Play ultimate football.
658. Play fantasy football.
659. Play wheelchair tennis.
660. Play wheelchair rugby.
661. Play wiffle ball.
662. Play flag football.
663. Play touch football.
664. Ride a jet ski.
665. Follow someone on Twitter.
666. Eat a banana.
667. Eat an apple.
668. Eat a pear.
669. Eat an orange.
670. Eat grapes.
671. Eat blueberries.
672. Eat strawberries.
673. Eat a kiwi.
674. Eat a watermelon.
675. Eat a cantaloupe.
676. Eat an apricot.
677. Eat cherries.
678. Eat a plum.
679. Eat a nectarine.
680. Eat a tangerine.
681. Eat blackberries.
682. Eat raspberries.
683. Eat cranberries.
684. Eat gooseberries.
685. Eat non-poisonous honeysuckle berries.
686. Eat mulberries.
687. Eat a coconut.
688. Eat a mango.
689. Eat mangosteen.
690. Eat rhubarb.
691. Eat figs.
692. Eat a honeydew melon.
693. Eat raisins.
694. Eat dates.
695. Eat olives.
696. Eat pomegranate seeds.
697. Eat blood oranges.
698. Eat a clementine.
699. Eat grapefruit.
700. Eat a tangelo.
701. Eat an avocado.
702. Eat a guava.
703. Eat a kumquat.
704. Eat a passion fruit.
705. Eat peanuts.
706. Eat a tomato.
707. Eat cashews.
708. Eat chili peppers.
709. Eat macadamia nuts.
710. Eat a pineapple.
711. Eat a plantain.
712. Eat tofu.
713. Eat squash.
714. Eat beets.
715. Eat broccoli.
716. Eat asparagus.
717. Eat a salad.
718. Eat brussel sprouts.
719. Eat corn.
720. Eat cabbage.
721. Eat lettuce.
722. Eat spinach.
723. Eat endive.
724. Eat peas.
725. Eat turnips.
726. Eat pickles.
727. Eat cucumbers.
728. Eat eggplant.
729. Eat a bell pepper.
730. Eat a cayenne pepper.
731. Eat a chili pepper.
732. Eat zucchini.
733. Eat black-eyed peas.
734. Eat chickpeas.
735. Eat lentils.
736. Eat rice.
737. Eat celery.
738. Eat an onion.
739. Eat a carrot.
740. Eat an artichoke.
741. Eat ginger.
742. Eat a potato.
743. Eat a sweet potato.
744. Eat a radish.
745. Get off caffeine.
746. Eat less sugar.
747. Eat chocolate (but cut back on sugar overall).
748. Eat less processed food.
749. Eat a peach.
750. Eat less meat.
751. Drink less alcohol.
752. Drink more water.
753. Become a vegetarian.
754. Become a vegan.
755. Become a raw foodist.
756. Lower your cholesterol.
757. Lower your blood pressure.
758. Drink orange juice.
759. Eat salmon.
760. Play with a dog.
761. Play with a puppy.
762. Play with a cat.
763. Play with a kitten.
764. Start an ant farm.
765. Look for an alligator.
766. Look for an antelope.
767. Look for an ape.
768. Look for a baboon.
769. Look for a badger.
770. Look for a bat.
771. Look for a bear.
772. Look for a beaver.
773. Look for a bee.
774. Look for a beetle.
775. Look for a bird.
776. Look for a bison.
777. Look for a bluebird.
778. Look for a buffalo.
779. Look for a butterfly.
780. Look for a buzzard.
781. Look for a camel.
782. Look for a caterpillar.
783. Look for a cheetah.
784. Look for a chicken.
785. Look for a cobra.
786. Look for a coyote.
787. Look for a crane.
788. Look for a crocodile.
789. Look for a deer.
790. Look for a dolphin.
791. Look for a donkey.
792. Look for a dove.
793. Look for a duck.
794. Look for a duckling.
795. Look for a eagle.
796. Look for an eel.
797. Look for an elephant.
798. Look for an elk.
799. Look for an emu.
800. Look for a falcon.
801. Look for a ferret.
802. Look for a finch.
803. Look for a fish.
804. Look for a flamingo.
805. Look for a fox.
806. Look for a frog.
807. Look for a tadpole.
808. Look for a gazelle.
809. Look for a gerbil.
810. Look for a giraffe.
811. Look for a goat.
812. Look for a goldfinch.
813. Look for a goose.
814. Look for a gorilla.
815. Look for a guinea pig.
816. Look for a gull.
817. Look for a hamster.
818. Look for a hare.
819. Look for a hawk.
820. Look for a heron.
821. Look for a hippo.
822. Look for a hog.
823. Look for a hornet.
824. Look for a horse.
825. Look for a hummingbird.
826. Look for a hyena.
827. Look for a jackal.
828. Look for a jaguar.
829. Look for a jay.
830. Look for a jellyfish.
831. Look for a kangaroo.
832. Look for a ladybug.
833. Look for a lark.
834. Look for a leopard.
835. Look for a lion.
836. Look for a llama.
837. Look for a lobster.
838. Look for a magpie.
839. Look for a mallard.
840. Look for a manatee.
841. Look for a mink.
842. Look for a mole.
843. Look for a monkey.
844. Look for a moose.
845. Look for a mouse.
846. Look for a mule.
847. Look for a nightingale.
848. Look for an opossum.
849. Look for an ostrich.
850. Look for an otter.
851. Look for an owl.
852. Look for an ox.
853. Look for an oyster.
854. Look for a panda.
855. Look for a panther.
856. Look for a parrot.
857. Look for a partridge.
858. Look for a peafowl.
859. Look for a pelican.
860. Look for a penguin.
861. Look for a pheasant.
862. Look for a pig.
863. Look for a pigeon.
864. Look for a polecat.
865. Look for a pony.
866. Look for a quail.
867. Look for a rabbit.
868. Look for a bunny.
869. Look for a raccoon.
870. Look for a ram.
871. Look for a rat.
872. Look for a raven.
873. Look for a reindeer.
874. Look for a rhinoceros.
875. Look for a sea lion.
876. Look for a sea urchin.
877. Look for a walrus.
878. Look for a shark.
879. Look for a sheep.
880. Look for a skunk.
881. Look for a snake.
882. Look for a sparrow.
883. Look for a squirrel.
884. Look for a swallow.
885. Look for a swan.
886. Look for a tiger.
887. Look for a toad.
888. Look for a tadpole.
889. Look for a turkey.
890. Look for a turtle.
891. Look for a weasel.
892. Look for a whale.
893. Look for a wolf.
894. Look for a wombat.
895. Look for a wren.
896. Look for a yak.
897. Look for a zebra.
898. Play straight poker.
899. Play stud poker.
900. Play draw poker.
901. Play community poker.
902. Play bridge.
903. Play euchre.
904. Play hearts.
905. Play pinochle.
906. Play spades.
907. Play rummy.
908. Play 500 rummy.
909. Play gin rummy.
910. Play gin.
911. Play Mah-Jongg.
912. Play Go Fish.
913. Play Old Maid.
914. Play Crazy Eights.
915. Play Bingo.
916. Play Mao.
917. Play Uno.
918. Play war.
919. Play slapjack.
920. Play Egyptian ratscrew.
921. Play blackjack.
922. Play solitaire.
923. Play FreeCell.
924. Play Seven Up.
925. Play the flute.
926. Play the Irish flute.
927. Play the fife.
928. Play the pipe organ.
929. Play the pan pipes.
930. Play the recorder.
931. Play the slide whistle.
932. Play the tin whistle.
933. Play the piccolo.
934. Play the alto flute.
935. Play the bass flute.
936. Blow a whistle.
937. Play the piccolo clarinet.
938. Play the soprano clarinet.
939. Play the saxonette.
940. Play the basset clarinet.
941. Play the basset horn.
942. Play the alto clarinet.
943. Play the bass clarinet.
944. Play the saxophone.
945. Play the alto saxophone.
946. Play the tenor saxophone.
947. Play the bass saxophone.
948. Play the oboe.
949. Play the bagpipes.
950. Play the bugle.
951. Play the French horn.
952. Play the mellophone.
953. Play the sousaphone.
954. Play the trombone.
955. Play the trumpet.
956. Play the tuba.
957. Play the accordion.
958. Play the harmonica.
959. Play the banjo.
960. Play the clavichord.
961. Play the fiddle.
962. Play the acoustic guitar.
963. Play the electric guitar.
964. Play the harp.
965. Play the harpsichord.
966. Play the lute.
967. Play the mandola.
968. Play the mandolin.
969. Play the piano.
970. Play the viola.
971. Play the violin.
972. Play the piccolo.
973. Play the zither.
974. Play the bass drum.
975. Play the bongo drum.
976. Play the snare drum.
977. Play the steel drum.
978. Play the timpani.
979. Play the triangle.
980. Play the xylophone.
981. Play the castanets.
982. Play the chimes.
983. Play the cowbell.
984. Play the cymbals.
985. Play the glass harmonica.
986. Play the glockenspiel.
987. Play the gong.
988. Play the handbell.
989. Play the maracas.
990. Play the metallophone.
991. Play the rainstick.
992. Play the rattle.
993. Play the spoons.
994. Play the tambourine.
995. Play the vibraphone.
996. Play the electronic organ.
997. Play the electric piano.
998. Play the mellotron.
999. Play the synthesizer.
1000. Play the laser harp.

What are your top 1,000 ways to be happy? Share them in the comments.

I know someone who’s been having fairly serious problems with his back. After he went to see the doctor, he was very happy to tell everyone the good news:

“The doctor said that if I eat right, which I won’t, and exercise, which I won’t, everything will be fine!”

He seemed perfectly content knowing that he had the power to change, if not the desire. Sometimes there’s a psychological difference between having a choice and not having a choice, even if you allow the outcome to be the same.

###

Want to hear the stream of consciousness ramblings of a possibly insane life coach? Then read Tim Brownson’s free ebook Don’t Laugh At The Life Coach. It’s a collection of posts he’s written on his blog, The Discomfort Zone. It’s witty and entertaining, and chock-full of examples of things not to do.

In my post Don’t Label Me!, I talked about whether or not labeling is a good thing. I said that despite their bad reputation, labels are really necessary for communication, and when used in a thoughtful way, they make it much easier to express thoughts. However, when used carelessly, labels can be unhelpful, misleading, or damaging.

Barbara Swafford at Blogging Without A Blog left a comment, saying in part,

“Labels can be destructive, especially when applied to children. Call a child ‘shy’ and they begin to believe that. Call a child a ‘loser, good for nothing…’, and they often grow up without direction. But, call a child a ‘star’ or ‘outstanding’ or any other positive affirmation, and they often excel.”

I agree. It’s bad enough to use a negative label on an adult, even if they know it’s not true. It’s much worse to use it on a child, who will believe everything they’re told. But tell children how special they are, and there’s no telling how much good it will do.

And this is a perfect segue into a video I came across a few months ago, of someone who understood this perhaps better than anyone…Fred Rogers.

In 1969, the U.S. Senate held hearings about funding for the newly-formed Corporation for Public Broadcasting. A $20 million grant proposed by former president Lyndon Johnson was in jeopardy. President Richard Nixon wanted that amount cut in half. And Mister Rogers had to convince the tough-as-nails Senator John Pastore to give them the money they needed.

What a gift to be able to talk like that and sound so sincere! He turns Senator Pastore from a block of ice to goosebumps in just a few minutes, just by believing that children need to be told they’re special and appreciated and understood. Maybe we should be investing a little more in this kind of stuff.

“I give an expression of care every day to each child, to help him realize that he is unique. I end the program by saying ‘You’ve made this day a special day, by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.’”
- Fred Rogers

###

In other news, Writer Dad is the winner of my first contest, and he will receive a free copy of Bill Strickland’s Make the Impossible Possible. Congratulations, Writer Dad! I’ll be in touch.

I got my first clue that Randy Pausch was a bit different when he got everyone on a first name basis, giving us all name tags and insisting that we simply call him “Randy.” I got my second clue when he said that he was giving away a giant stuffed bear to whoever did the best job on the first project. I got my third clue when he put on safety goggles and smashed a VCR with a sledgehammer. This all happened on the first day of class.

That was 12 years ago. Today, Randy Pausch is famous for his last lecture, a talk called “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams” that he gave to reflect on important life lessons as he fought with pancreatic cancer. And while he passed away about a week ago, I figured there was no reason I couldn’t make him a posthumous guest of honor in my series Hunter’s Heroes: Ordinary People, Extraordinary Souls.

I’ll start by pointing you to some of his work, and then I’ll move on to some “Pauschisms” that you haven’t seen before.

First of all, if you haven’t seen The Last Lecture yet, you can watch it right here (1 hour 16 minutes):

After “The Last Lecture” the lecture came “The Last Lecture” the book. It’s along the same lines as the lecture, and partly based on it. He goes into more detail about some things he talked about in the lecture and answers some of the questions I had, like “If the lecture was just for your kids, why not record it at home?”

But he also talks about a number of things he didn’t mention in the lecture, such as my blog, which he mentions on page 184. (Yeah, I know I’ve said that like four times now. What can I say, I don’t get mentioned in books very often!) I’d say the main difference between the book and the lecture is that the book seems much more personal, as if he was really writing just for his kids.

A lot of people watched his last lecture but missed the one that he’s always been the most proud of, his time management lecture. In spite of all the technological advances made in the last 12 years, his updated version of this lecture is substantially the same as it was back then (1 hour 26 minutes, Randy comes on at 7:30).

Randy also had his own ABC special with Diane Sawyer (41 minutes).

And he gave this testimony to the Labor, Health and Human Services Subcommittee on behalf of the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (8 minutes).

Before The Last Lecture, Randy was known as a friendly, insightful, and entertaining professor of computer science. I was in his Usability Engineering class at the University of Virginia (not Carnegie Mellon), where we learned about the often ignored practice of designing things to be usable. For example, if a smart person can’t figure out how to program their VCR, the problem isn’t with them, it’s with the VCR. Nothing drives that point home quite like a sledgehammer.

But while the class was useful and interesting, what we really liked were Randy’s “Pauschisms,” his profound sayings that he managed to work into every class, whether they seemed to be directly relevant or not. The following Pauschisms are just what I remember from 12 years ago so obviously they’re not exact quotes, but the message has been preserved, if not the wording.

On the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few:

“The stealth bomber costs $2 billion. Why does it have an ejector seat? If that plane goes down, that’s $2 billion that can’t be spent to save other lives. Even if a pilot’s in trouble, and he only has a 1% chance of landing safely, I still don’t want him to think there’s any other way.”

On being approachable:

“Please, call me Randy.”

On your email identity:

“I strongly suggest that you configure your email account to use your real name. Not something like ‘John the Stud,’ or whatever you thought was cool when you were 19.”

On ambiguous words:

“That’s the trouble with the word ‘last.’ It can mean either ‘final’ or ‘previous.’ And if you think it’s obvious, that everyone will know what you mean, that’s when you know you’re in trouble.”

On dress code:

“You know, Randy, this is a university, not a beach house.”

“Gee, you should have thought of that before you gave me tenure.”

On valuing your time:

“If I were to ask you for $20, you’d say ‘no way.’ And yet, I’m willing to bet that if I came up with any kind of flimsy excuse, any one of you would gladly give me half an hour of your time.”

On the scarcity of time and money:

“You always have infinitely more money than time. Even if you’re in debt. You can always make more money, but you can never make more time.”

On money’s power to corrupt:

“Money is a resource. You can always ignore it.”

On wasting time with unimportant tasks:

“Your goal is to get tenure. Planning the Christmas party is not going to help you get tenure. On the other hand, pissing off the head of the committee isn’t exactly going to help either. So you might suck it up and say, ‘OK, I’ll do it this one time.’”

On data vs. guesswork:

“You’re saying that your guess is better than my data?”

On being asked if he tested Disney’s Aladdin attraction on enough people for the results to be statistically meaningful:

“Is 25,000 enough?”

On remembering the human element:

“The Aladdin attraction had all the latest and greatest virtual reality technology, but there was a problem. Users didn’t find it realistic. And when we asked them why, they said ‘Because the other people didn’t look at me.’”

On having a story:

“People would play with the Aladdin attraction, and after a minute or so they’d get bored and ask what they were supposed to do. So we came up with a story. The magic lamp had been broken up into five pieces, and they had to go out and find them. After that, people could play for hours.”

Name tags

Now, back to that first day of class. When we got there, Randy had set out name tags on a table, and our names were already printed on them. He said if we went by a different name, just make the correction and they’d print a new one for next time. So every day we had class, we’d pick up our name tags and put them on our desks. That was the only class I had where the teacher called everyone by name, and it made such a big difference.

But I didn’t realize at the time that Randy had an ingenious dual purpose for the name tags. Once when I was talking to one of my team members about a project, he was checking his email and said “Oh, I got an email from Randy.” I looked at it, and just saw the subject: “Missing class on 10/17.” Of course! If you’re not there to pick up your name tag, he knows who you are. I don’t know what happened after that, but how many teachers even care if you show up to class?

Teamwork

We always worked on projects in teams, which were switched up after each project. And we all hated this, because doing something as a team inherently meant three times as much work as doing it solo. But it helped prepare us for the real world, where you usually have to work with people that you didn’t choose to work with. For each project, we wrote anonymous evaluations of our team members, and we only got to read them all at the end of the semester. Randy’s theory was that if something’s wrong with you, if people tell you enough times then you eventually listen.

Once we had an interesting team situation that threw Randy for a loop. He told us:

“I got an email from a student that started off: ‘Randy, I need to tell you that not all of our team members carried an equal share of the load.’ And right here I thought, ‘Oh boy, here’s another person complaining about his team members.’ This happens every semester, and I always say that we change the teams after every project so that everyone gets to work with everyone else, so I don’t want to hear any complaints. But then the email surprised me. It said: ‘On this project, I did not do as much work as the others. Please give some of my points to them.’ I had never seen something like this before, and I didn’t know what to do. And I decided that the fair thing to do would be to put it to a vote. By a show of hands, how many people think I should give some of this person’s points to his team members, keeping in mind there’s no guarantee that this will happen when you get stuck with a bad person? OK, the ayes have it.”

Not normal

One of my favorite Randy stories has also been popular with my friends, so I’ll end with that.

One day Randy was telling us that engineers as a group are not normal, and they often don’t keep in mind that the rest of the population is not like them. For example, engineers are not normal in that they like to use jargon, so they might write a user manual that no one can understand. And they’re not normal in that they like to edit autoexec.bat files (remember those?), so they might assume that users will know how to do this.

He called on someone and said, “Give me three reasons why you, plural, are not normal.” The student came up with some answers, and we talked about them.

Then one of the students, who had a notorious reputation for needing to draw attention to himself, started one of his typical clown routines. Randy called on him and said, “Give me three reasons why you, plural, are not normal. We could talk all day about why you, singular, are not normal.” Everyone laughed, and the problem student always seemed to be a bit less obnoxious after that.

Yoda, Captain Kirk, and Jim Carrey

Randy’s fellow professor Gabe Robbins described him as a combination of Yoda, Captain Kirk, and Jim Carrey, meaning he had a delightful mix of wisdom, leadership, and humor. I’m sure he’d rather be remembered for those things than being “the guy who had cancer.”

Still, he was a big supporter of pancreatic cancer research, a deadly disease that strikes without warning, and which we’ve made very little progress against. You can support research into curing pancreatic cancer via the Lustgarten foundation or the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network (PanCAN).