Dirk de Bruin (perhaps better known on the internet as Diggy) has released his Confidence Black Book, a complete 30-day guide to becoming a more confident person in all areas of life.

I had initially assumed that it was about dating, but it really has a much broader scope, covering diet, exercise, relationships, career, and other things. In short, it’s about conquering limiting beliefs that stand in the way of increased happiness, success, and goal achievement.

I appreciate that he based the book on his own personal experiences, as he spent seven years learning how to build confidence and the kind of life he wants to live. That’s how he can say for certain that his stuff works, because he used it all himself.

While I thought he had a lot of good insights in the book, I cheated by skipping the 30 daily tasks he gives. (Tip: don’t do this!) I also skipped over the bonuses (12 motivational videos and an NLP visualization method video, so there’s even more value than meets the eye.

He’s set up an opt-in page to a series of free videos with tips and insight into becoming more confident. I haven’t seen them, but if you want the secret to indestructible confidence, you know what to do.

“One of the reasons you may not be getting what you want from life is because you don’t know what you want,” says Marelisa Fabrega in her latest free ebook.

Very true. Too often, people find themselves nearing the end of their life, not being sure what they wanted to do, just knowing that they didn’t do it.

If you’re not entirely sure about all the things you want to do in your time here on earth, you can get a lot of great suggestions from
1,250 Ideas for Your Bucket List.

A bucket list (as in, things to do before you kick the bucket) is a goal-setting tool to keep you motivated and focused on whatever you decide your priorities are.

I have no idea how she came up with so many, but yes, these really are 1,250 legitimate things to do, broken out into the following categories:

• Sports/Athletics Bucket List
• Languages Bucket List
• Music, Song, and Dance Bucket List
• Adventures to Go On Bucket List
• Places to Visit Bucket List
• Hobbies Bucket List
• Personal Development Bucket List
• Appearance Bucket List
• Education Bucket List
• People to Meet Bucket List
• Financial Bucket List
• The High Life Bucket List
• Family Life Bucket List
• Dwelling Bucket List
• Spirituality Bucket List
• Contributions Bucket List
• Vocation/Career Bucket List
• Things to Audition For Bucket List
• Hit the Big Time Bucket List
• Spectator Bucket List
• Food and Drink Bucket List
• Holiday Bucket List
• Supernatural Bucket List
• “Just Because” Bucket List

Take a look at it, and see if you find anything you want to add to your own bucket list. Anyone who accomplishes all 1,250 by Friday will receive a prize.

I just picked up The Power by Rhonda Byrne, thinking it would make a good gift for someone. She says she felt inspired to write this sequel to The Secret after answering several thousand reader letters, and that it contains the essence of everything she’s learned since then.

Based on this, I was surprised to find that it’s a very toned down version of The Secret, feeling much more like a prequel than a sequel. It’s actually a halfway decent book, but probably not what its readers would want. People who didn’t like The Secret won’t like The Power either, and people who did like The Secret will find The Power to be a very weak second act. Oh well.

Now, can you guess what “the power” is, the greatest force in the universe and the key to having everything you want? Hint: it’s not a genie, it’s not quantum physics, and it’s not really even the law of attraction. Go ahead, take a guess.

If you could achieve anything in just one year, what would you do? Clone dinosaurs? Achieve 0% body fat? Swim around the world at warp 10? Discover the lost treasure of the Knights Templar? Sneeze with your eyes open?

Nothing is off the table if you read Achieve Anything In Just One Year by Jason Harvey, a Certified Life Coach and the founder of The Limitless Institute.

OK, the title is perhaps a bit exaggerated, but you already knew that. A more accurate (though less marketable) title would be “Daily Bite-Sized Self Improvement Tips for a Whole Year: Makes a Great Holiday Gift.”

This comprehensive and inspiring book shows you how to do things such as:

• Set goals and stick with them
• Take daily action that creates a ripple effect
• Stay motivated, focused and balanced
• Feel happier every day
• Define, pursue and celebrate personal success

Yes, a lot of books cover this kind of stuff, but what sets this book apart from the pack is the way it’s organized. The page-a-day format was a fantastic idea, and I definitely think that if you read one page a day and really take the time to think about it, do the exercises, and put it into practice, then major transformation is possible.

I’ll be giving away my copy as a Christmas present, since New Year’s is the perfect time to begin the 365 day program. If you’re short on holiday gift ideas, this would make a good one for a lot of people.

Keep in mind that while this book has enough material to cover all of 2011, it can’t cover all of 2012 because of the leap year and the 366th day. (Of course, that could be a moot point, considering the end of the world in 2012.)

“If little labour, little are our gains:
Man’s fortunes are according to his pains.”

- Robert Herrick, Hesperides, 1650

“Gain with pain is good.
Gain without pain is better.”

- me, just now

Above is a picture of my right arm, showing my battle scars from my first class of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. The bruises look much worse in real life, and I’ve got them on both arms, one side of my chest, one ankle, and one toe. But do pains imply gains?

Over the last couple of days, I took trial classes at two different BJJ schools, both of which looked great on paper. Both were fun and educational, but one of them barely made me break a sweat, while the other left me bruised, sore, and out of breath.

Which one do you think I signed up with? Which one would you have signed up with? I went with the second one (the pains), but I don’t think the most painful choice is always the best one.

Yes, some things require a struggle, and always quitting at the first sign of difficulty won’t serve you well. But it’s entirely possible to push to the point where additional pain becomes pointless or even counterproductive.

A common example is what weightlifters call overtraining. Some people think they need to do tons of sets every day and fight through the soreness, when in reality backing off and doing much less would give them more gains as well as less pains.

There’s a happy middle ground between cowardice and masochism. First, pick your battles (no sense in fighting for something that’s not important). Then, decide on a strategy (try to work smarter, not necessarily harder). Next, take what pain you must, but don’t mistake it for the goal. Finally, enjoy your gains, hopefully with as few pains as possible.

It’s easy to look at famous people and assume that they must have stumbled onto overnight success somehow. We think they were born with amazing talent that was immediately appreciated by the world. Unfortunately, this makes it easy to think that if you’re not successful by now, there’s no point in trying.

Of course, this isn’t true, even though it may seem that way. It’s always good to be reminded that even the biggest successes are almost always preceded by numerous failures, and that persistence is the key to eventually being a success.

Someone emailed me to say they featured my blog in their post 50 Famously Successful People Who Failed At First. I was annoyed that this turned out not to be true (apparently the email was a sloppy copy and paste job), but anyway, it’s a good list of people who reached success only after they had gotten failure out of their system.

It’s broken up into categories: business gurus, scientists and thinkers, inventors, public figures, Hollywood types, writers and artists, musicians, and athletes. But be warned that I noticed a few factual errors.

Here are some of my favorites that I hadn’t heard before, and which appear to be true:

• Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”
• Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for TV.”
• Elvis Presley was fired and told “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

Do you know any successful failures who should be added?

Photo by Hammarstrand

Once upon a time, there were two brothers, Mario and Luigi. They were humble Italian American plumbers whose prospects didn’t seem particularly bright. For all their hard work, they couldn’t seem to find a better job than pest control in the New York sewers.

But one fateful day in 1985, Mario and Luigi were offered an opportunity. They were approached by a panicked citizen from the Mushroom Kingdom, who was clearly in need of help. Princess Toadstool had been captured by Bowser, king of the Koopas, and Mario and Luigi were the only ones who could save her.

Little did they know that their response to the challenge would change their lives forever.

Luigi spoke first. “Hello, mushroom man. This is most troubling news, and I certainly hope that Princess Toadstool is rescued as soon as possible. But what exactly would saving her entail? Would it be a fairly straightforward quest?”

“I’m afraid not,” the mushroom man answered. “Bowser has taken over the whole Mushroom Kingdom. Our people have been turned into inanimate objects, and Bowser’s thugs now roam the land. You will be greatly outnumbered.”

“But I’m not a fighter,” Luigi replied. “How can I defeat all these enemies? I don’t even know how to beat one of them, let alone a whole army.”

“You won’t at first,” the mushroom man said. “But you’ll learn with practice. Every enemy has a weakness that can be exploited, and once you get the hang of it, it won’t seem so hard.”

Luigi was still having grave doubts about this whole thing. “But I don’t want to have to go through a big learning curve,” he said. “I only want to face enemies that are really easy to beat, and no danger at all.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be the case here,” the mushroom man said. “Even the smallest enemy is bigger than you, and if one so much as touches you, you’ll die!”

“Egads!” Luigi shouted. “I can’t do that! Only a fool would choose to do something so risky. If I’m not sure that I can succeed, then why would I take such a big chance?”

“Oh, it’s not as bad as you think,” the mushroom man replied. “You’re more powerful than you know. You can jump on the enemies and smush them. There are also power-ups scattered throughout the land to help you. A magic mushroom will make you double in size. A fire flower will let you throw fireballs with your bare hands. And a starman will even make you invincible for a brief period of time.”

“Invincible?” Luigi asked. “That sounds a little hard to believe. Is it completely guaranteed?”

“Well, no,” the mushroom man admitted. “You would still be vulnerable in some ways. You could fall down a bottomless pit, or your time could run out. Nothing is ever perfectly safe, and you’re not immortal.”

“Now you tell me!” Luigi was now getting quite agitated. “This is starting to sound really iffy. I don’t know if I can take such a big risk. Do I have enough talent? Am I too old? Do I have enough life insurance?”

“Don’t worry,” the mushroom man said reassuringly. “It’s really not that big a risk. You’ll start out with three lives, and if you need more, you can find the hidden 1-Up mushrooms or collect coins to get extra lives. And if all else fails, you can always continue not far from where you left off. You haven’t really failed until you stop trying.”

“OK, mushroom man,” Luigi began. “Here’s what I’m gonna do for you. Yes, I’ll save Princess Toadstool, but only if you agree to my conditions. I want you to draw me a map showing the locations of all the hidden mushrooms. I want to start out with all the power-ups and infinite lives. I want to know about all the secret worlds and warp zones. I don’t want to go near fire, I don’t want to jump long distances, and I don’t want to get wet. Oh, and I also don’t want…”

The mushroom man had stopped listening by now. “Maybe I’m talking to the wrong brother,” he said. He turned to look at Mario, but he wasn’t there anymore – he was already off on his quest! Because Mario had simply decided that he was going to save the princess, and that was enough to get started. He’d figure out the details on the way.

Mario ended up saving the princess, and Luigi may have tagged along, but it was clear who was running the show. They had no choice but to name the game Super Mario Bros., and it became the best-selling video game of all time (it was finally outsold by Wii Sports in 2009, 24 years later).

Mario went on to star in many other games that bore his name, and he took his rightful place in history. He got his own TV show, movie, comics, and merchandise line. And Luigi was there for the ride, but he was always known as Mario’s sidekick.

Now, when duty calls, will you be a Mario or a Luigi?

“Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
‘Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain’t been there before.”

- Shel Silverstein, “Put Something In,” A Light in the Attic

Yesterday was Shel Silverstein’s birthday. He died ten years ago, but his words live on.

Think of what you can do today to put something silly in the world. Then tell us what you did.

Erin Pavlina has an ebook out called 10 Ways to Raise Your Vibration in Under 10 Minutes. It’s free, but you have to sign up for her newsletter “Spiritual Wisdom for Conscious People” (you can unsubscribe at any time).

It’s a very quick read, with 10 tips you can put into practice right now to “raise your vibration.” If that sounds too mystical for you, you can substitute the phrase “put yourself in a good mood.”

Are you feeling depression, anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, gloominess, shame, grief, apathy, or helplessness? If so, you’ll learn ways to instantly trade all that in for strength, happiness, vibrancy, cheerfulness, delight, elation, euphoria, hopefulness, lightheartedness, and peace of mind. (Wow, the thesaurus is sure getting a workout!)

Harry Potter fends off a pack of Dementors with his Patronus charm, a magical version of the LOA.

What can Harry Potter teach us about the law of attraction? What would he even need it for, if he has a magic wand? Actually, one of his most powerful charms is nothing more than the LOA in a more visible form.

Of all the evil forces Harry faces, few are as sinister as the Dementors. Immortal soul-sucking wraiths, they turn the air cold and dark, feed on positive emotions, and make people feel like they’ll never be happy again. If they succeed in carrying out “the Dementor’s Kiss,” the victim is left as an empty shell with no chance of recovery, a fate believed to be worse than death.

Fortunately, there’s a very effective defense against Dementors, called a Patronus charm. Harry simply points his wand and says the magic words “Expecto Patronum!” Unlike most of Harry’s incantations, this one is correct classical Latin, meaning “I await a protector.”

And then the protector–the Patronus–arrives, an ethereal being flowing out of his wand as bluish white light. It absorbs the Dementors’ negative energy and repels them like a dog herding sheep.

Oh, how nice it would be to just wave a wand and sit back, letting the universe send a magical protector to chase away evil while you went about your business.

But here’s the catch – even in the magical world of Harry Potter, there is no universe-appointed protector. The Patronus is just you. It comes from your own emotions and, when fully formed, appears as an animal that reflects your personality or is somehow significant to you (according to various online quizzes, mine would be a phoenix, an eagle, a hawk, or a stag).

It’s an incarnation of your deepest positive feelings, that part of you that feels no despair and is thus immune to negative energies. Remus Lupin tells Harry, “In order for it to work, you need to think of a memory. Not just any memory, a very happy memory, a very powerful memory…Allow it to fill you up…lose yourself in it.”

So the Patronus is only as good as the one conjuring it. Although it’s completely within their control, it’s still very difficult to master, especially when under the stress of facing a Dementor. Lose your focus, and the Patronus becomes a weak veil of mist that won’t protect you from a fly. Even Harry failed in his first few attempts to cast one.

Whether there’s any metaphysical basis for the law of attraction, there’s no denying that a positive attitude can work wonders in plainly obvious ways. When people are putting you down, telling you you’re no good, saying you’ll fail, it takes a tough mind to tune them out. Most people don’t.

But if you let yourself be overcome by negative thoughts, there’s no escape. You fall victim to the Dementor’s Kiss, and become an empty shell of what was once a courageous soul. And the odds of an empty shell accomplishing anything meaningful are precisely zero.

OK, I know what you’re thinking. In a fantasy world, it’s not so hard to think happy thoughts for a few seconds until an enchanted animal spews forth from your wand and saves the day. In reality, it’s a lot harder to stay positive year after year when facing obstacles that don’t run away so easily. A dead-end job, poor health, and a struggling relationship don’t instantly fix themselves when you say “Expecto Patronum.” Why can’t we live in a world where things are that simple?

True, in our world, there’s a very convoluted connection between thoughts and outcomes. Overnight success still takes years, even when you stay focused and do everything right. But if results appeared instantly, would that be any better? Not really.

There will always be challenges, and the easier they are to overcome, the quicker they’re replaced with harder ones. A world that gave more power to you would also give more power to your obstacles.

If you could unlock a door by saying “Alohomora,” people could also say “Colloportus” to make the important doors Alohomora-proof. If you could disapparate (teleport) at will, people could also use anti-disapparition jinxes to keep you where you belong. If you could knock out any enemy by saying “Stupefy,” their friends could wake them up with the counter spell “Rennervate.” There are no special breaks, even for wizards, and certainly not for you and me.

Don’t wish for the world to be less challenging. Will yourself to have the strength to deal with it. Courage doesn’t require anyone’s permission but your own.

Are you awaiting a protector? If so, when will you create one?

For much more on the law of attraction, read Greatness Without Genies: The Law of Attraction for Realists.