Do you remember what your life was supposed to be like? Most of us once had a certain destination in mind, and we were all set to go there. But something went wrong. Despite our carefully arranged plans, we ended up someplace else.

At first we’re very disappointed to end up in the wrong place. This isn’t the life we wanted. We might even call it a tragedy. After some time though, we start getting used to it.

We’re not sure whether this is a good place or a bad place, but it’s certainly interesting. Maybe it’s best to withhold judgment. And since this is where we’re going to be for a while, we might as well make ourselves at home, and take a look around.
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We find ourselves surrounded by people of all different backgrounds. We wouldn’t necessarily have chosen to be with these people, and we might think we have nothing in common with some of them. But when we learn their story, we probably find that we can actually relate to them. Eventually, we may realize that we need each other.

There were things that we were so desperate to get back to, but now we can’t really remember why. Maybe we weren’t really supposed to be where we thought we were. Having left some parts of us behind, the past no longer matters. And looking ahead to the future is largely pointless, because there’s no way to predict it. All that matters are the experiences we have today.

A bunch of irrelevant crap will happen, sometimes for weeks at a time. We’ll often wonder, “What the hell does this have to do with advancing the plot?” Some of it will become significant later. Some of it won’t. What we think are our most important questions may never be answered, and we’ll get answers to questions no one asked. But the world wasn’t designed to answer your questions, and we can’t expect to be guided on a straight path from start to finish.

Bad things will happen to good people, and good things will happen to bad people. We’ll even lose track of who the good guys and bad guys are. We’re not sure what we’re supposed to do, what’s right and wrong, or even whether it matters. Are black and white really opposites?

We don’t really know what our part to play is. Are you supposed to learn to forgive yourself or others? Repair a relationship? Become a leader? Protect something? Get off drugs and act like a father? Stop torturing people? Kidnap people on a list? Shoot a polar bear? Set off a nuke? Push a button every 108 minutes? Study electromagnetism? Determine what happens to dynamite in 90+ degree heat? Turn into a smoke monster?

There’s really no one here to tell you what to do. And if someone is, you might not want to listen.

Many times, we’ll wonder whether this is all a test, whether our life has a purpose. Do we have free will? Do you believe in destiny? Are we here for a reason? You’ll probably be wondering right up until the very end, but you’ll never really know. Even after it’s over, everyone will still disagree about what it all means.

So, what then? Is life a hopeless chaotic jumble of teleporting islands, four-toed statues, doomsday numbers, mistranslated tattoos, sonic fences, magic boxes, invisible horses, fake beards, light and water wheels, and so on? Or is there a grand purpose to it all? I couldn’t tell you. But regardless, what can you do, other than making the most of each episode?

What do brushing your teeth backwards and working on the worst day of your life have in common? They’re tips that you won’t get from the productivity gurus, but which can nevertheless work really well for you.

Ali Hale and Thursday Bram have started a new blog called Constructively Productive. One of their first entries is a huge collaborative list post consisting of 36 answers to the question: “What’s your biggest productivity tip that flies in the face of ‘conventional’ advice?” (Mine’s #22.)

Check out 36 Secrets the Productivity Gurus Won’t Tell You (But Our Heretics Will). It’s a good way to brighten your Friday while picking up some useful tips at the same time. One word of warning though: one size does not fit all (after all, that’s why they call them heretics).

Photo by tentwo.teneight, showing what two groups did with a supply of Legos and instructions to “build a structure.” On the left is the work of the sensing types; on the right, the work of the intuitive types.

In my post Bomb Threats And You: Temperaments In Action, I wrote about the four personality temperaments. The temperaments are now part of the modern Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, but they date back to at least 590 B.C.

Akemi Gaines at Real Life Spirituality left a comment on that post, bringing up a number of points I wanted to respond to. Now a year and three months later, I figure it’s about time I did! All quotes are from Akemi’s comment.

“All these personality analysis are based on the respondents’ answers, in other words, their own perception of their preferences and choices. This automatically sets limits…is my own observation correct?”

The MBTI and most personality profilers are based on the individual’s self-assessment. And while that makes perfect sense in some ways, it also makes it easy to intentionally or unintentionally bias the results. If you want to be a certain type, or you think you know the “right” answer, or you wish a particular trait applied to you, it’s easy to be less than honest with yourself (possibly subconsciously).

Last month I wrote about a career test based on color preferences. While I wasn’t much of a fan of that test, I like how it’s hard to influence. If you like green, and you have no idea whether that’s “good” or “bad,” you might as well say you like green.

But if the person is capable of steering the results towards what they want, I think we just have to accept that as a limitation of the testing methodology. The best defense is to be careful to answer the questions accurately, knowing that there are no right or wrong answers.

“For instance, if I choose going out with friends rather than staying home as my preferred way of spending spare time, wouldn’t I know already I’m extroverted? Do I need the test to tell me?”

Probably not. Most people already know whether they’re an introvert or an extravert, because these are terms they’ve been hearing for years. However, it’s very unlikely that they really understand what they mean, particularly introverts (hence, the need for The Introverts Strike Back and Introverts And Extraverts: Can’t We Just Get Along?).

Also, there are people who are somewhat borderline, who might need a test to tell them what they are. There have been many I vs. E debates over Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey, and Adolf Hitler, for example.

Finally, while the average person may already know whether they’re an introvert or extravert, they don’t know a thing about sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, or judging/perceiving.

“In reality, I spend the majority of my time alone at home, and my answer may be based on my perception of what I do in my spare time — those occasional special time I go out. So am I really E?”

When someone came to my workplace to administer the MBTI, she went over the types of our company’s two founders. She surprised some people by telling us that our extremely chatty CTO was an I. She explained that although he talked a lot, you have to pay attention to what he was talking about – generally software, never himself.

In the same way, there are surely explanations for an extravert who spends most of their time alone at home, but let’s not put Akemi under the microscope.

“Another problem of these analysis is they force us to think in either-or way. For instance, MBTI puts you either sensing or intuitive. But really? This may be helpful for someone who is close to 100% of either way (I’m 100% intuitive. I hardly see the “practical” side of reality) but what if someone is, say, 60% intuitive and 40% sensing?”

I think this is one of the most valid criticisms of the MBTI. If you think of the S-N scale as a continuum from 0% N to 100% N, it follows a normal distribution, or a bell-shaped curve. A few people are close to 0% N, a few people are close to 100% N, but most people are clustered around 50% N. So then why are we polarizing everyone, when most people are near the middle?

I don’t have a good explanation, but the theory is that your absolute position on the scale matters less than the side of the middle on which you lie. Meaning that a 45% N might be more similar to a 20% N (far, but same side of the middle) than they are to a 55% N (close, but on the other side).

This doesn’t make much sense, but it actually seems to hold up pretty well. I’m not an extreme T and I’m probably only a moderate N, but I definitely connect with these sides far more than their opposites.

“In this case [60% intuitive and 40% sensing], I think it would be more helpful to say, “You are very intuitive and conceptual, but you are also very capable in paying attention to details””

Yes, people should be aware of different sides of their personality. If a detailed customized report is available, it should explain this. If only general descriptions of each type are available, the person should read about similar types. And if they can take the MBTI step 2, this breaks down each letter pair into 5 facets, to show their preferences in much more detail.

“In my case, judgmental and perceptive is almost the same amount. If you check ENFJ, you may agree it’s Akemi.” [She identified herself as an ENFP]

Yes, I can see that. ENFJ’s are “the great communicators.” I’m very split on J/P too, and if you check INTJ (“the masterminds”), you may agree that it’s me [but I'm really an INTP]. (BTW, be careful to use the words judging and perceiving rather than judgmental and perceptive – many people use them interchangeably, but they have different meanings.)

Being split on a letter does happen sometimes. I spoke to a career coach who had a client that was split right down the middle on all four letters – and very confused about what career path to follow!

Thanks for the great comment, Akemi, and sorry for the delay in responding! Anyone wanting to learn more about their own personality is invited to read my ebook The Personality Puzzle.

Feeling let down by Iron Man 2? Then give my movie script a try, and find out what awaits us in 2012.

Mesothelioma Lawyers, New York: The Movie is my 2010 Script Frenzy project. It’s a prequel to my novel of the same name, which was my 2009 NaNoWriMo project.

I suggest reading Mesothelioma Lawyers, New York: The Novel first, if possible. (Currently, the only option is to read it online page by page with all the ads, but I’ll make physical copies available on Amazon as soon as I can.)

The movie has none of the depth of the novel, the plausible 2012 theory, the end of the world drama, and so on. It’s basically just a dumbed down comedy. But it fills in the backstory of the novel, plus it has swordfights, drug-induced trances, sociopathic lawyers, Oompa-Loompas, and exploding kidneys.

Potentially starring:

Shia LaBeouf as Frank Breadstick
Lindsay Lohan as Yvonne Dubois
Janeane Garofalo as Janice Goldwoman
Matthew Fox as Jack Crowley
Catherine Zeta-Jones as Milli Vanilli Chilli Willi
Glenn Close as Ivana Suyurass
and Leslie Nielsen as Count Voldemort Sidious Hitler the Terrible

Hay House sent me a review copy of Defy Gravity: Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason by best-selling author and medical intuitive Caroline Myss. My first thought was “Boy, did they pick the wrong guy for this.” I found it OK, but keep in mind that I’m not exactly in the target audience, and people who are would like it more than I did.

“Gravity” here refers to serious or weighted thoughts and emotions. And defying gravity is about healing diseases by abandoning the fruitless quest for reason and logic when it comes to illness.

She says that you can’t reason with illness; you can’t always determine why you became sick, and you’re not going to heal yourself by learning the lesson you’re supposed to learn. But what can possibly heal you, when reason can’t, is the power of grace.

People tell me I’m too much into reason, and maybe that’s why I found the book hard to follow. I did get a general good feeling from reading it, but a lot of it seemed to not even be about healing, more about how to live well by forgiving and letting things go.

It should appeal to a fairly wide audience, since it’s not tied to any specific religion, and it’s moderate on the woo-woo factor. My favorite part might have been where she shows the connection between the 7 deadly sins, the 7 chakras, and what she calls the 7 inner graces.

I know someone who was recently given 2 years to live with stage 4 colon cancer. Her doctors have given up, and she actually had to tell them to stop being so negative around her or she’s going to find new doctors. If I were in that situation, I’m sure I would be diving into books like this. But since I’m not, I found it hard to relate to.

For those who are facing a health crisis, Defy Gravity is worth considering. For those who are not, there are still some things you might pick up from it, particularly if you’re open to going beyond the bounds of reason.