The Zork Psychological Test: What The House And Mailbox Say About You
March 19th, 2010
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You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.
Thus begins the classic 1980 computer game known as Zork I. The player is suddenly thrust into this world, and given little direction. The possibilities are endless, and it turns out that the narrator understands English fairly well.
It occurred to me that someone’s response in this situation could serve as a psychological test of sorts. Like an inkblot, there’s not really a right answer, but your choice could reveal factors such as motivation, temper, patience, initiative, persistence, creativity, assertiveness, etc.
Left to your own devices, what would you do if you found yourself standing west of a white house, next to a small mailbox? (The following are all valid commands and actual responses from the game.)
>look at house
The house is a beautiful colonial house which is painted white. It is clear that the owners must have been extremely wealthy.
>walk
What do you want to walk?
>walk me
You should supply a direction!
>walk to house
It’s here!
>find house
It’s right here! Are you blind or something?
>knock on door
Nobody’s home.
>enter house
I can’t see how to get in from here.
>kick door
Kicking the door has no effect.
>hit door
What do you want to hit the door with?
>hit door with hands
I’ve known strange people, but fighting a door?
>look at mailbox
The small mailbox is closed.
>clean mailbox
If you wish, but heaven only knows why.
>eat mailbox
I don’t think that the small mailbox would agree with you.
>drive mailbox
What a bizarre concept!
>kiss mailbox
I’d sooner kiss a pig.
>burn house
What do you want to burn the house with?
>inventory
You are empty-handed.
>burn house with hands
With a pair of hands??!?
>destroy house with mailbox
Trying to destroy the white house with a small mailbox is futile.
>destroy mailbox with house
Trying to destroy the small mailbox with a white house is futile.
>kill myself
What do you want to kill the myself with?
>kill myself with hands
Suicide is not the answer.
>kill troll
What do you want to kill the troll with?
>kill troll with hands
You can’t see any troll here!
>wait
Time passes…
>stand
You are already standing, I think.
>swim
Go jump in a lake!
>jump in a lake
You can’t see any lake here!
>jump
Wheeeeeeeeee!!!!!
>jump
Are you enjoying yourself?
>jump
Do you expect me to applaud?
>jump
Very good. Now you can go to the second grade.
>talk
What do you want to talk to?
>talk to house
You can’t talk to the white house!
>talk to myself
Talking to yourself is said to be a sign of impending mental collapse.
>damn
Such language in a high-class establishment like this!
>eat myself
Auto-cannibalism is not the answer.
>pick up mailbox
It is securely anchored.
>pick up house
You can’t be serious.
>pick up house
A valiant attempt.
>what is
What do you want to what?
>what is love
I don’t know the word “love”.
>kick mailbox
Kicking the small mailbox isn’t notably helpful.
>touch mailbox
Fiddling with the small mailbox doesn’t seem to work.
>open mailbox
Opening the small mailbox reveals a leaflet.
>take leaflet
Taken.
>read leaflet
“WELCOME TO ZORK!
ZORK is a game of adventure, danger, and low cunning. In it you will explore some of the most amazing territory ever seen by mortals. No computer should be without one!”
>zork
At your service!
>xyzzy
A hollow voice says “Fool.”
>destroy leaflet
What do you want to destroy the leaflet with?
>destroy leaflet with hands
Trying to destroy the leaflet with a pair of hands is futile.
>drop
What do you want to drop?
>drop all except leaflet
It’s not clear what you’re referring to.
>drop myself
You don’t have the you.
>drop leaflet
Dropped.
>say “hello”
Hello.
>say “hello”
Good day.
>say “hello”
Goodbye.
>say “hello”
Nice weather we’re having.
>listen to myself
The you makes no sound.
>take myself
How romantic!
>win
Naturally!
>lose
Preposterous!
>mumble
You’ll have to speak up if you expect me to hear you!
>yell
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!
>repent
It could very well be too late!
>find myself
You’re around here somewhere…
>count myself
You have lost your mind.
>look at myself
That’s difficult unless your eyes are prehensile.
>smell myself
It smells like a you.
>damn myself
Insults of this nature won’t help you.
>don’t
I don’t know the word “don’t”.
>say “goodbye”
Nothing happens.
>quit
Your score is 0 (total of 350 points), in 75 moves.
This gives you the rank of Beginner.
Do you wish to leave the game? (Y is affirmative?): >y
***END OF SESSION***
March 19th, 2010 at 5:32 am
I’ve never heard of this game, but I’m not a gamer. However, this makes me wonder how popular this game became. lol
March 19th, 2010 at 7:35 am
@ Heather, it became pretty popular – 400,000 copies sold, plus at least two official sequels and a prequel.
March 20th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
I could see how it would be useful as a psychological test. It seems like it would become quickly addicting. A game with no real instructions – just figuring out the rules would be a fascinating experience. The transcript was a pretty entertaining read too.
March 22nd, 2010 at 12:19 am
@ Jonathan, back then it was really addictive, because the language parser and the responses were so much more advanced that anything people had seen before. I guess I was about 10 when I came across it. I remember it being fun, but way too hard.
March 26th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Your post reminds me of DOOM. I could never figure that out either, so I gave up. Does this mean that I am suicidal? Or Maybe I just don’t try hard enough!
I think it really means that I am too old and hard-wired to spend time figuring out computer games.
Your post was thought-intriguing. Thanks.
March 26th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
@ Julie, I think it means it’s a lot harder to find the time for games when you have a job and stuff.
December 30th, 2010 at 3:46 am
if you go in the white house and jump, you die and it takes you to a forest where you climb a tree and find a golden egg or something. its kinda weird
December 30th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
@ Daniel, I tried that and it said “In the movies, your life would be passing in front of your eyes.” I guess it depends on which room you’re in and/or which version of the game you’re playing.