Success Is For Suckers
May 25th, 2009
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One of the books I’m reading now is Outliers: The Story of Success
So far, it’s about how success is less dependent on talent and hard work than we think. Yes, it still takes a lot of hard work (according to the 10,000 hour rule) and a good amount of talent. However, one critical factor is often ignored – the environment that made you who you are. It turns out that random factors such as your birth date can be hugely important.
But my review will come later. For now, I just want to talk about what success means.
In What Malcolm Gladwell Should Have Told You In ‘Outliers,’ Glen Allsopp says that while he’s a huge fan of Outliers, he has one problem with it. Namely, that Gladwell tends to define success as a large bank balance or some form of status. Glen says:
“While Bill Gates spent years behind a computer screen, people his age where going to parties, sunning on the beach, meeting new people and making the most of life…yet he has made it.
While kids were playing the violin for hours every week, their friends were playing in the park, running through fields and making the most of their childhood. Yet now the violinists are professional or well known…they’ve made it.”
I agree, people who are considered successful have paid an enormous price to get there. If you’re willing to accept being “average” or “good” instead of “off the charts,” you can free up massive amounts of time for other things.
Someone who’s OK with being a little overweight might be a lot happier than a gym rat who works out several hours a day. Someone who’s OK with being a little uninformed might be a lot happier than a Jeopardy champion. It’s much, much easier to be average than an outlier.
Still, the book is about success, not happiness. To learn about success, it makes sense to study Bill Gates and world class violinists. On the other hand, we don’t need to read a book to learn how to go to parties and play in the park. If you want to do those things, you’re free to just do them.
Which brings me to this question: Is success important?
That may sound like a strange question, but it has to do with how you think of success. A lot of people think success is the ultimate measure of your life. Either you’re successful and you’ve had a good life, or you’re unsuccessful and you’ve had a bad life.
I don’t see it that way. To me, success simply means what the traditional definition says. For now, let’s just use this dictionary definition: the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.
Is there more to life than the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence? Of course! I’ve written about a lot of things that are important to me, but which have absolutely nothing to do with wealth, favor, or eminence.
Some people want to be successful. Some people want to be happy. Some people want to be in good shape. Some people want to travel. Some people want to learn. Some people want lots of friends. These are all different things, none of which is the be all, end all of life. We all value different things.
And guess what? It’s OK if you don’t want to be successful!
But wait, if you’re not successful, does that make you unsuccessful, a failure, a bad person? Not at all. I can’t play the violin, but I wouldn’t consider myself a failed violinist. The violin just isn’t important to me, so it’s not how I judge myself.
Likewise, I wouldn’t consider Barack Obama a failed dentist, or Mohandas Gandhi a failed football player. Maybe they’re not good at those particular things, but they have different objectives.
When you walk past a homeless person, your first thought probably isn’t “Wow, look how successful he is!” Because face it, success, as defined by society, means money. After all, money is what society invented as a store of value. On the other hand, no one needs to feel threatened by this, because you don’t need to make money a priority if you don’t want to.
If you want to live the life of the Mexican fisherman, fine. But don’t redefine “success” to mean “happiness” just because it’s much easier to achieve, and you have this false idea that all good people are required to be successful. It’s perfectly fine to decide that success – or if you prefer, “traditional success” – isn’t important to you.
Some people are meant to chase success, but most aren’t. Not everyone can be in the richest 1%, or the healthiest 1%, or the most educated 1%, or the happiest 1%, or the friendliest 1%, and so on. We have to decide on our priorities.
I once met a homeless woman who was doing exactly what she wanted with her life: enjoying the weather, scenery, and tourists outside the White House while protesting nuclear weapons. No sane person would consider her successful, and she wouldn’t be the subject of a book like Outliers, but she was doing what she wanted to do.
And in the end, isn’t that what we should all be striving for?
Oh, regarding the post title – is success for suckers? Yes, but only if you spend your life chasing it at the cost of things that are more important to you. However, if success is important to you, then we have something in common. There’s room for both types.
Photo by aloshbennett
May 25th, 2009 at 8:29 am
I lost a couple of comments somehow, so let me bring them back.
Glen Allsopp said:
“Excellent post Hunter and very well written.
This part was definitely my favourite:
That right there is the key to all of this. If you are chasing some form of success then it’s probably a good idea that right now, you look at your motivations for doing so. This might help propel you into it more, or it may open you up to the illusion.
Thanks for the quote!”
and Anna Conlan said:
“Hi Hunter!
This was an interesting post and timely for me because I realized recently that everyone has their own version of success. I just wrote on my blog about how certain family members of mine often disagree with choices I make because their version of success and mine don’t coincide. So whereas they may see success as material security and stability, I see it as how much fun I’m having and how free I feel to do my own thing.
Anna”
May 25th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Bummer – lost my comment… trying again…
Everyone determines their own level of success. Madonna wouldn’t have been happy I’m sure with anything less than what she has achieved despite all the turmoil it’s brought along with it.
Likewise I’ve chosen to live with a low income because I want to be happy along the journey. I recognize that I might not achieve success with my goals (like becoming a fiction author), but trying makes me happy and that’s success enough for me.
It’s a choice and when people let the choice be made for them by others then they’ll never find personal success no matter what traditional success they might achieve.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome´s last blog post..Living with Tough Decisions: Angie Haggstrom Interview
May 25th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I guess I am one of the few that think the traditional definition of success fits. BUT I chase my dreams and success because I have nothing else to do with my time. Since I’ll be on earth for a very limited amount of time, I figured I should do something I enjoy.
Is wealth important to me? Yes. I can use my wealth to serve humanity.
Is status important to me? Yes. I can use my staus to influence people which ultimately makes humanity better.
I am a success chaser. I would curl up and die if I did not chase it. It would actually scare if I were not chasing success.
Sure, I may pay the price and give up a lot BUT I’ll gain much more.
Besides, once I die none of it will matter anyway.
Just enjoy the ride doing what you want to do when you want to do it!
Ron´s last blog post..Free Authority guide about no cost exit-plans.
May 25th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I think modern day Americans are quite unique in their pretty much unanimous pursuit of success. It’s the “American dream” thing.
In the oriental mindset, there is a strong sense of apprehension, or even despise, about pursuing worldly success. We have valued, say a mystic who has achieved enlightenment, and those who have achieved worldly success would gladly go to them, bow and ask for guidance. The mystic could easily ask for tons of money or fame, but he just wouldn’t, because he knows that would only make him busy and interfere with his own life.
This is just one example. And of course there are plenty of those who seek “success” anywhere in the world. But there are also other models to follow.
I think it’s time to free ourselves from the stereotype of “successful life”.
Akemi – Yes to Me´s last blog post..Creating The New World, Part 5 Power
May 25th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Hey, BTW my comment went through!
Sorry to hear you still have some kind of issue on this blog, Hunter. Would you like me to check if there is a poltergeist there? ^_^
Akemi – Yes to Me´s last blog post..Ask The Readers: What Is Romantic Love?
May 25th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
You write:
“But don’t redefine “success” to mean “happiness” just because it’s much easier to achieve, and you have this false idea that all good people are required to be successful.”
I would say… that success does mean attaining happiness. Because if you have achieved success, you have attained something that is of great value. And happiness is of profound value. Moreover… happiness is actually not always a very easy thing to attain – it can require enormous effort, strategy and humility.
I’d argue there’s also character success. By working on ourselves we can become better citizens. And yet… you could have all the money in the world and be a preeminent business man and still be a really obnoxious human being.
I understand the traditional definition… but my definition is simply that success is achieving a worthwhile goal.
All this said… the price that some had to pay, for example, to make it to the NBA, NFL or MLB etc., was not quite as large a price as we may think considering that this is a craft they cherished, and spending many hours doing it was often a pleasure.
Moreover… Playing basketball with other people… that’s akin to running through the fields in some ways. Except by engaging in this sort of craft it could lead to a professional career.
Bamboo Forest – PunIntended´s last blog post..Why You Should Accept Everything in Life Just the Way it is
May 25th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Hi Hunter: Last week I wrote on my blog about Harvard’s most popular course, positive psychology. The man who taught the course, Tal Ben-Shahar, was not on the tenure track, despite being a brilliant professor. To be tenured you have to do a lot of independent research, and Ben-Shahar decided that he didn’t enjoy doing independent research, he enjoyed teaching. So now–instead of being a “successful” tenured Harvard professor–he’s basically a lecturer going around the world teaching people about happiness, which is what he finds enjoyable and meaningful.
Marelisa´s last blog post..54 Tips For Writers, From Writers
May 25th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
@ Glen,
“This might help propel you into it more, or it may open you up to the illusion.”
Love it!
@ Anna, I think freedom is a huge component of success. You do your business full time, right? If you make enough money that you don’t even need a job, that’s pretty darn successful even in a purely materialistic sense!
@ Alex, sorry your comment got eaten, but thanks for trying again. You and Madonna are great examples of how we just gotta do what we gotta do.
@ Ron, you might be one of the few who think that way, but so am I. It’s great that not everybody is going after the same thing. We can all decide on our own values.
@ Akemi, I know America has that stereotype, and I’m sure it’s true compared to most other countries. But actually, I can’t think of anyone I know in person who cares much about money. Once at work a few years ago, we had the option to work some extra hours to make some extra money, and I was the only one who did.
I actually think I’m pretty balanced on this. Yes, I’d like the “American Dream” (though I’m not sure exactly what the official definition is), but I’d also like to achieve enlightenment. To want one but not the other would seem really strange to me. We’re spiritual beings living on Earth, so it makes sense we’d have an interest in both worlds. I don’t see any conflict at all. In fact, one can help the other.
You don’t feel conflicted about being both a successful entrepreneur and a lightworker, do you?
Yeah, if you can get rid of any blog poltergeists I may have, that would be great!
@ Bamboo Forest, although we have different definitions for success, I think we’re generally in agreement. If someone has all the money in the world but is obnoxious, I’d say they’re successful but a jerk, because success refers to just the money. You might say they’re not successful because success includes character. Either way, we agree that money isn’t remotely everything. Also, good point about practice being pleasure.
@ Marelisa, yes, I saw that post of yours. I’d say he’s obviously made the right decision, because he’s doing what he wants to do. But I wonder what he was doing at Harvard in the first place. University professors are usually people who want to do research, not teach. People who like teaching tend to aim at high school and below.
May 28th, 2009 at 3:19 am
Thanks Hunter. This is definitely a tough question. I think this is something that we all struggle with. I think of it like, “where should we draw the line between traditional/socially-easy measures of success and personal/socially-challenging measures of success?” I blogged recently about how people often set goals without worrying enough about what kinds of success will make them happy. It’s part of the dark-side of goals setting, what I call Goal-itis.
Tim Woods´s last blog post..Practical Ingenuity
May 28th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
@ Tim, psychologists say that people are really bad at predicting what will make them happy. I guess Goal-itis would be the technical term for that!