Photo by Asela

In 1887, L. L. Zamenhof published the Unua Libro (First Book). It was the first book that described the language he invented, Lingvo Internacia (international language), which was later renamed as Esperanto (one who hopes).

He believed that much world conflict was caused by isolation and misunderstanding, so he designed a language that would be very easy for everyone to learn, no matter where they’re from. The idea is that Esperanto would serve as a universal second language. Everyone would learn the native language of their homeland, but they’d also learn the language that would let them communicate with anyone.

Esperanto has been described as a linguistic handshake. If I’m talking to someone from China, the only way we can communicate is if they’ve made an enormous effort to learn my language. Meanwhile, I’ve made absolutely no attempt to learn theirs. It’s completely one-sided.

What happens in a handshake? Both people extend their arms and meet halfway. And so it is with Esperanto, when two people from completely different cultures can meet on neutral ground.

Photo by ElektraCute

Obviously, it hasn’t exactly taken off like the metric system. The percentage of the world that speaks it is estimated to be 0.03%, and possibly far less. But it does work. There are actually some people who speak Esperanto as their native language, often because their parents don’t have any other language in common.

If Esperanto’s time hasn’t come yet, what other tool can we use to promote peace and understanding? How about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator?

People often think of the MBTI as a career planning instrument, though I don’t think it’s helpful in that regard. To me, it’s always been a simple way of describing the essence of someone’s personality. If a picture is worth 1,000 words, then your 4 letters are worth a whole heck of a lot of words too. And what this comes down to is better understanding of ourselves and others.

I thought about this while watching an episode of The Office a couple days ago. Pam Beesly, an ISFP, went to put her food in the microwave, and found a disgusting mess. In perfect ISFP fashion, she printed the following note on yellow paper and taped it over the microwave:

TO WHOEVER MADE THE MICROWAVE MESS:

THE MICROWAVE IS A SHARED
KITCHEN APPLIANCE.

BY NOT CLEANING IT UP, YOU
ARE BASICALLY TELLING WHOEVER
FOLLOWS THAT THEIR TIME IS LESS
VALUABLE, AS THEY WILL HAVE TO SCRUB
OUT YOUR DISGUSTING SPLATTER.

SINCERELY,

DISAPPOINTED

Later, she comes back to the kitchen to see her coworkers’ reaction as they see the mess and the note. (Remember they don’t know who’s responsible for either.) This conversation ensued:

Andy (ESFP): That is just obnoxious.

Oscar (ISTJ): No kidding.

Pam (ISFP): Yeah…Wait, what, the mess, or the note?

Oscar (ISTJ): The note. So holier than thou.

Angela (ISTJ): Hmm. I liked it.

Pam (ISFP): Don’t you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one?

Andy (ESFP): No! The note is way more obnoxious than the mess.

Meredith (ISTP): “Sincerely, disappointed?” Get off your high horse, richie!

Pam (ISFP): Just because someone likes things clean doesn’t mean they’re rich.

Meredith (ISTP): Nah, they’re rich.

Lots of conflict here, because people aren’t thinking about where the other person is coming from. So they label someone as “holier than thou” instead of ISFP. (Or “bitch” instead of ENTJ, etc.)

One set of labels says “You’re different from me, so I’m going to disregard you or insult you.” The other says “You’re different from me, so I’m going to figure out why you are the way you are, and see how we can get along. And if we can’t get along, then at least we can respect our differences.”

That’s one of the great things about the MBTI – it helps us appreciate people who are very different from us. A few months ago, I got pulled over for “disregarding a stop sign.” The cop said I didn’t even remotely come to a complete stop, and he was almost laughing because he couldn’t believe what I did.

Here’s what the cop, an ISTJ, was probably thinking:

“Are you blind? Did you not see the stop sign? Did you not know what you were supposed to do? How could you fail at such a simple task? Didn’t you learn this the first week of driver’s ed?”

Here’s what I, an INTP, was thinking:

“There wasn’t another car in sight. It was pitch black, so I would’ve seen their headlights a mile away. The purpose of a stop sign is to manage traffic at an intersection. If there’s no traffic to speak of, why would I come to a complete stop, wasting gas and wearing down my brake pads, knowing in advance that I was just going to start back up immediately? I’m surprised I even took my foot off the gas.”

Not that this would get me out of a ticket, but at least the cop wouldn’t leave thinking that some people don’t know what a stop sign is. If he had read The Personality Puzzle, he could have said, “License, registration, and Myers-Briggs Type.” Upon hearing “INTP,” he could have said, “Well, sorry about the dumb rule, but technically I still have to give you a ticket. It’s my sworn duty. Now do you want to talk about The Matrix?”

Image from The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

It’s hard to believe we’ve already reached the 10th anniversary of The Matrix. It’s a good time to remember that reality isn’t nearly as objective, straightforward, and deterministic as it seems. Instead, it’s a bizarre combination of free will, destiny and randomness that I haven’t figured out yet.

The world is constantly evolving, and in order to move along its path, it needs all kinds of people. No one is better or worse than anyone else, because we all have our part to play. We can’t all be Neo, whose purpose was to end the war between the humans and the machines.

• Someone needs to be Morpheus, whose purpose was to free Neo from the Matrix.
• Someone needs to be Tank, whose purpose was to save Neo and Trinity from Cypher’s betrayal.
• Someone needs to be Thadeus, whose purpose was to warn everyone that the machines were amassing an army to attack Zion.
• Someone needs to be the Keymaker, whose purpose was to give Neo the key that would let him reach the Source.
• Someone needs to be Trinity, whose purpose was to give Neo a choice of not rebooting the Matrix and rebuilding Zion.

All of these people have a purpose, and if one fails, we all fail. So let’s support each other in doing what we’re each supposed to do, whatever that may be.

Now, to clear up a few misconceptions about personality:

1. There are no bad types.

This is a really hard thing for many people to accept, but all types are equal. Social conditioning may have convinced you that your personality is flawed, or that you should be more like this person or that person. That’s crazy. Your personality is just as it’s supposed to be. You don’t need to change anything.

Go ahead and acknowledge your weaknesses, address them if you want to, but don’t beat yourself up about them. Anything you’d like to change about yourself is the flip side of something you like about yourself. You can’t have one without the other.

Questions like “Why can’t I be more organized?” or “Why do I just blurt things out?” point to the inherent consequences of your type. Even if you could change your personality, you couldn’t drop the downside without sacrificing the upside. The yin must balance the yang.

2. Your type doesn’t limit you in any way.

A lot of people are afraid of labels, but labels are not bad unless you misuse them. Your type isn’t a box or a prison, but simply a description of your preferences. If you generally prefer chocolate over vanilla, you wouldn’t be offended if I said “You seem to prefer chocolate.” It doesn’t make sense to be offended by your own preferences.

That goes for personality too. Preferring one side of a spectrum doesn’t mean that you couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t ever go near the other. Identifying your preferences and learning about yourself does not restrict your options, it expands them.

3. Your type is what it is. It’s not what a test tells you.

“Do you know your type?”

“Yeah, I took one test that said I was an ISFJ, but another one said I was an ISFP.”

“OK, that’s what the tests said, but what’s your real type?”

“Well, the tests said…”

“Don’t tell me what the tests said. Tell me what you are. You know yourself pretty well, don’t you?”

“Well, I guess I’m not entirely sure what the letters mean.”

“Ah, then that’s what you should work on!”

If someone measures your height at 5′9″, and someone else measures it at 5′10″, does that mean your height is messed up, or inconsistent, or a huge mystery? No, it just means that at least one of the measurements was off. That happens, because some things are hard to measure. But the answer isn’t dependent on any one measurement.

It’s like fingernails on a blackboard to me when I see people making ridiculous claims about people’s types. Tony Montana, an ENTJ? Have you lost it? Darth Vader, an INFP? Are you mental?

Even better is when people make one unsupported wild guess after another. “Barack Obama? Maybe he’s an ENTP. Or maybe an ENFJ. Or how about INFP? Hey, what about INTJ?” Guys, these types aren’t remotely similar! Either learn more about what the letters mean or learn more about Obama, but stop shouting out random letters!

How would you determine a dog’s breed? You’d observe the dog, learn about the different breeds, and make an educated guess, right? You wouldn’t say “Maybe he’s a Chihuahua, or a Poodle, or a Great Dane, or a cat, or a pig, or a bird…”

It’s not always easy to figure out your own type, let alone someone else’s. For one thing, the words don’t mean what you’d think they mean. Like “extravert” doesn’t mean social, “judging” certainly doesn’t mean judgmental, and even “intuition” doesn’t mean intuition. I still can’t believe I once left an MBTI workshop thinking I was an ISTJ. Another thing is that you don’t act the same way all the time, and even if you did, your behavior isn’t a perfect reflection of your personality.

Despite the difficulties, it’s well worth your while to learn what makes people tick. And now you can order The Personality Puzzle at 20% off the regular price of $27 (you can verify the reduced price in your shopping cart). The price goes back up on Sunday at 11:59 PM EST.

Whether you take advantage of this offer or not, I hope that in 2009 you take big steps down your chosen path, and improve both your alignment with your true self and your connections with other people. That is my New Year’s wish for you, and for the world.

• The Science Of Seduction
• Bomb Threats And You: Temperaments In Action
• Tell Me Your Myers-Briggs Type, Get A Free Link
• Myers-Briggs Trial Recap
• MBTI Trial Week 4: Judging (Recap)
• MBTI Trial Week 4: Judging
• MBTI Trial Week 3: Feeling (Recap)
• MBTI Trial Week 3: Feeling
• MBTI Trial Week 2: Sensing (Recap)
• MBTI Trial Week 2: Sensing