Write For The Web: Drive-by Shooting
September 9th, 2008
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I had the weirdest dream last night.
Freelance writers James and Harry from Men with Pens had managed to escape from their psych ward cells, stumbling their way through the dark basement until they came to what appeared to be some kind of writer’s museum.
“Write For The Web: The Guide For Beginning Writers,” the sign read, “by JCM Enterprises.”
“JCM Enterprises?” James asked, as if it were strangely familiar. “I sense something, a presence I’ve not felt since…” He never finished that thought.
Harry didn’t like the stiff look of things. Even in the gift shop, he was afraid to touch anything because it looked too nice. “Who are these pretentious pricks?” he wondered. “I’ll bet they put caviar on their Corn Flakes, and make people call them ‘Esquire.’”
Still, Harry knew they had stumbled onto a gold mine. “You know James, we wasted a lot of time early in our writing careers. All this information really could have helped us shortcut our learning curve. There’s so much hype out there about how great freelance writing is, but it’s hard to know who’s really shooting straight with you.”
As if he had been waiting for a cheesy cue, James drew his gun and began a series of dramatic poses, flitting around the room and desperately looking for an excuse to squeeze the trigger.
“Put that thing away before you hurt someone!”
“Are you new here, Harry? This is what we do.”
“Yeah, but you don’t even know what you’re aiming at.”
True, James had to admit that he couldn’t really find anything worth shooting. He was really impressed with how diverse the museum’s collection was, covering many different kinds of web writing as well as many aspects of the business that new writers might not have even though of.
James began rattling off weak excuses to shoot. “I’m just not sure how useful this would be to experienced writers.”
“Yeah, but it says right here: ‘The Guide For Beginning Writers.’”
“Hmph. Well, it could really use an overhaul so it looks like it’s wearing a leather jacket and smoking, y’know?”
“True, that would definitely help. While the information is sound, it doesn’t exactly come across with much style. You’d never see us doing something like this. Not in a million years. But I think they can be forgiven. Besides, it looks like they’re under new ownership.”
“OK, well then what about all these resource links? They look good, but I haven’t actually gone and checked them out, have you?”
“Well, no, but you can’t blame the museum for us being short on time. These guys really know what they’re doing, and I’m sure they’ll only point us in the right direction.”
James was getting anxious. “But I’ve never come back from a job with a full clip yet, and I’m not going to start now!”
“Tell you what, James. Take my gun. You can do the shooting for both of us next time.”
###
In case a translation is needed, this is a review of Write For The Web: The Guide For Beginning Writers, a $19.99 ebook by Men with Pens. The review is done in the style of their brutal “drive-by shooting” blog reviews.
Their ebook has a lot of useful information for people looking into freelance writing, but it’s written in the corporate style they had back when they went by the name of JCM Enterprises. I hope they grace us with an updated version one of these days. In the meantime, this is solid information from people who learned everything the hard way, so you don’t have to.
September 9th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Awesome. This is the best, most creative review I have ever had the pleasure of reading.
Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..You Read Women’s Magazines? I’ll Give You Ten Reasons To Stop
September 9th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
You know, they shot my beloved Yes to Me blog recently. They DESERVE to be shot by you. Good job ^_^
***
. . . as James was waking up from his slumber, he heard the voice calling him. “The handsome debonair king, come back to your kingdom . . .” “Are you okay?” Harry stared at him with a strange look. “Yeah . . .” James mumbled, “I have a brilliant idea what to do with that book we wrote . . .”
Akemi – Yes to Mes last blog post..FunAdvice on Entrepreneurship: Jeremy Goodrich
September 10th, 2008 at 1:21 am
Hahaha….your review is highly creatively done! It is like no other. You sure have a gift for writing and interviewing. What did you say your full time job is again?
Evelyn Lims last blog post..My Abundance Mind Movie
September 10th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Hi Hunter,
The true writer in you is showing. This is a fabulous book review, with your originality being the highlight. Great job!
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Digging Close To Home
September 10th, 2008 at 3:40 am
Great reminder that when we grow, we need to take a look back at the things we bring with us and get rid of them or update them to fit with who we are now.
Well done!
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Discovering a Passion for Blogging: Urban Panther Interview Part 2
September 10th, 2008 at 5:57 am
Fear not, my good friends, the leather and smoke is coming. It’s on my to-do list… I swear…
Thanks for taking a look at the book, Hunter. We’re proud of the information in it and know that it’s a solid investment for people just getting into web writing as a career. But as Alex implies, sometimes things need to fit with who we are now.
(I sure as hell ain’t ditching the book – do you know how long that took to create?)
September 10th, 2008 at 9:02 am
You captured the Men with Pens perfectly Hunter. Do you do impressions too?
Marelisas last blog post..30 Tips for Getting Along With Others
September 10th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Hunter: I read this last night the moment you sent me the link and it was the weirdest thing to see someone writing “me”. Now I know how it feels to have fan fic written about yourself.
Excellent review and very good points. I pulled up the document and took a look at it and can’t believe how much we’ve changed in the last year or so. The information is still solid, but like you and James said, it needs to fit who we are now.
Thanks!
September 10th, 2008 at 10:17 am
OMG you nailed their style perfectly….and their personalities. This was hysterical. Of course, I’m all for anyone who pokes fun at MwP…well, James in particular. Harry seems pretty harmless, and we haven’t had a chance to really ’see’ Charlie yet. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
September 10th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
LMAO Hunter – that was a brilliant review. Their blog has changed so much since they redesigned it hasn’t it? I resubscribed by accident – I didn’t think it was the same site.
September 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Hunter
I’m impressed,
I read it twice, thinking the first moment that maybe they did their own review on your blog, that this was some kind of funny joke…I was really confused. You did a great job. The fact that it also turned out to be a legitimate clever review was also very well done!
Wendi Kelly-Life’s Little Inspirationss last blog post..The Power of Your Secret Weapon
September 10th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
@ Vered, if you like this, check out Men with Pens. Once a week they do a review just like this for a blogger who volunteers as a victim. They’ve shot up Akemi and Marelisa recently.
@ Akemi, yeah, I saw them shoot your blog. Only I thought it was called Yes to You, or Yes to All of Us, or something like that.
@ Evelyn, I’m a software developer. I don’t get much of a chance to write stuff like this at work!
@ Barbara, thanks, but I can’t take much credit. The Men with Pens provided the inspiration.
@ Alex, in this case the Men with Pens went through a sudden drastic change. For most people, changes will be less abrupt. But yes, given enough time, they might be left with things that no longer fit. Some bloggers have deleted a large number of old posts because they just didn’t match their style anymore.
@ James, I vote for not ditching it too. As for how look it took to create, I’ll guess forever and a day.
@ Marelisa, no offline impressions, if that’s what you’re talking about. I’ll let you know if I pick that up, though!
@ Harry, I didn’t know if both of you wrote all your drive-bys together or what, but if you weren’t used to someone writing your character, I can see how that would be pretty weird! You guys have definitely changed a lot, but it’s all for the better.
@ Urban Panther, I’m so glad I had some MwP readers here because I was afraid no one would understand it. I don’t see this as poking fun at them, so much as poking fun at the characters they made for themselves. We can only hope they’re not assassins in real life.
@ Cath, I discovered them right around the time they became Men with Pens, so I wasn’t too familiar with JCME. Judging from their ebook though, they sure did change their style a lot.
@ Wendi, sorry for the confusion, but if you had to read it twice, I guess that means I did my job!
December 4th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
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