A Complaint Free World: 21 Day Champion
August 31st, 2008
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On March 31st, I wrote a post about A Complaint Free World, a movement started by Rev. Will Bowen. People complain 15-30 times a day on average, but this complaining really doesn’t do any good. And Bowen has a simple idea for fixing it.
Just put on one of his purple bracelets. If you ever complain, switch it to the other wrist. When you keep it on the same wrist for 21 days in a row, you’ve established a habit of not complaining, and life is better.
A couple days ago, Will Bowen found my blog, I guess through a Google search (I’m currently #24 for “a complaint free world”). Someone from his organization emailed and called me, saying they wanted to send me a copy of their book, as well as the bracelets I requested a while back but haven’t received yet. Not that I’m complaining! But their all-volunteer staff is really backed up, and they’ve had problems with fraudulent requests and so forth. I’ve been using a bracelet that I got from alternate productivity superdude Clay Collins.
What makes this even better is the timing. When they contacted me, I had just completed the 21 day challenge 4 days earlier. So they offered to send me a complaint free t-shirt, and reminded me that I could have my name added to the list of 21 Day Complaint Free Champions.
It took me 5 months to go for 21 consecutive days without complaining, which is within the typical range of 4-10 months. Rev. Will Bowen took three and a half months to finish, and Tim Ferriss took three months (not sure why, the guy only works 4 hours a week). I showed very gradual progress, taking a week to make it one day without complaining, and taking maybe three months to make it a week without complaining.
What I noticed early on is that I felt very vulnerable when I didn’t allow myself to complain, like I had deprived myself of an essential means of defense. When talking to people, I felt like I had to be very careful not to say what was on my mind, and just take whatever they said without reacting much. But this feeling faded pretty fast.
The day after I started, I found that someone who had done something for me made a mistake that really needed to be fixed. I didn’t know what to do. Did I have to just accept what they had done, and live with the innocent but awful mistake? I checked the website for a loophole.
Fortunately, the website said you’re allowed to inform someone of a mistake that needs to be corrected. You just can’t get all emotional about it. So with that in mind, I found that complaining, as they define it, really wasn’t the necessary part of life that we make it out to be. I considered myself to be a low-volume complainer when I started, but I was surprised to see how much I complained without noticing. And I’ve noticed that a lot of people pick some really stupid things to complain about.
I’ve come a long way, but I’m certainly not perfect about not complaining. They say that complaints don’t count if you keep them in your head, and I’ve needed to use that technicality to make it for 21 days. I still complain in my head more than I’d like to, so I’m still working on that. But I was really surprised that I managed to not complain out loud when I upgraded to WordPress 2.6 and couldn’t log in to my blog.
So far, I only know for sure of one person who I’ve gotten to wear the bracelet. He’s been inconsistent with wearing it, and ironically, he’s been complaining that the bracelet isn’t comfortable. But he’s trying, and that’s really the point. Just make an effort, and you’ll get there eventually.
Are you complaint free? If not, what’s stopping you?
August 31st, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I ordered my Complaint Free World bracelets over a year ago. When they arrived about six months later (there was a HUGE backlog due to Rev Bowen being on Oprah) I explained the concept to my (then) project team at my (then) job.
NOBODY, not one single person, GOT IT. Instead, the discussion turned into a huge complaint-fest – it was really unbelievable.
It took me over six months to make my 21 days. In fact, I had to quit my job first. After that, it was relatively easy.
I still wear it and if it deteriorates, I have a few left so I will just put a new one on!
August 31st, 2008 at 6:44 pm
It’s a lovely idea.
I’m not convinced that complaining is a bad thing, though.
But I am going to think about it.
August 31st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Hi Hunter – I knew I’d seen that bracelet on here before. I’m not totally convinced that I could do the non-complaining thing though. You see, I was brought up not to complain. I didn’t complain about bad service, or being ripped off ever – so I kept getting more of the same.
Then something changed. United Airlines cancelled my flight and we were stuck in some airport – can’t remember which one – it may have been Washington. They gave no explanation – my kids were really young and it looked like we were spending the rest of the night on the airport floor. But the American woman next to me complained, not only for herself but us too. And on the bus on the way to the hotel we were put in, she taught me about complaining. Now I’m a pro at it and I almost always wind up getting things put right when companies let me down.
What do you think? Is complaining bad – if it gets something done? Is it all complaining we should avoid or just some?
By the way – is the comp deadline tomorrow? I didn’t get my entry done yet.
August 31st, 2008 at 11:04 pm
When I first heard about this some months back, I was intrigued. I thought it would be nice to challenge myself but I decided not to, when I read about the huge backlog. I figured that delays would be worse since I do not reside in the U.S. I will need to check out the website again.
Congrats about making it!! It’s no mean feat to change a habit!
@Cath, I think there is a balance to strike between complaining and about providing constructive feedback. Our attitudes are very important, which also determine what and how we say things.
September 1st, 2008 at 12:03 am
@Cath
I haven’t read the website, but I think the difference in complaining and filing a complaint might be the first is negative and unproductive while the latter is constructive and has a purpose.
@Hunter
I’m going to give this a try because I kvetch a lot. However, like Cath, I was taught never to complain about anything so it’ll be an interesting challenge to figure out standing up for myself and moaning…
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndromes last blog post..Insecure People are Self-Absorbed and Egotistical
September 1st, 2008 at 12:32 am
Hunter, I’m with Vered (again). If you think about it, one can have a whole lotta fun with complaining – creatively, spontaneously, with fun-loving intent. Hell, you can even get real sexy with a plaint. Mmm, baby, could you … See my point?
I dun wanna live in a black ‘n white world
Cheers,
Christopher
September 1st, 2008 at 1:12 am
Hi Hunter,
Congratulations on being a 21 Day Champion. Although I’m not a big complainer, when it comes to business and getting taken advantage of, that’s when I want to have my say. Is that considered complaining or just fighting for what’s right? After all, many companies learn a lot by listening to their customers complain.
Disclaimer. I have not read the “rules”.
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Plugins, Questions and Open Mic
September 1st, 2008 at 1:55 am
Congratulations, Hunter.
I used to be a complaint champion. Then I realised complaints are worthless. Useless. And time consuming.
I don’t think I do too much complaining these days, although I certainly do listen to a lot of them from other people.
The one thing I see a lot is people complaining about something, then not suggesting a solution. I firmly believe if you’re going to speak negatively of something or someone, you should suggest a solution.
Jamie Harrops last blog post..“You” Time – Taking Time for Contemplation
September 1st, 2008 at 10:03 am
I think that there’s a different between water-cooler complaining which is just standing around talking about how the world owes you and how unfair life is, and having a valid grievance which is voiced to the correct person in a calm, assertive manner (nonemotional, as you point out) in order to have a mistake or some other wrong corrected. I generally don’t do the first, and I do a lot of the second. It’s cool that they contacted you and are sending you a free book and t-shirt.
Marelisas last blog post..15 Brain Hacks – Gym and Spa for Your Brain
September 1st, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Great comments! It looks like I need to write another post about the pros and cons of complaining (and yes, I think there are both). But before that, there’s a fascinating interview on the way.
@ Catherine, yes, the competition deadline is tonight, 11:59 PM EST. I don’t think I can extend it because it wouldn’t be fair to people who would have entered had they known about the extension sooner. But you still have 9 hours (though being in England, you’ll be asleep for several of them), and since there are only two entries so far, it’s not going to take much to snag at least third place.
September 1st, 2008 at 6:06 pm
As a certified graduate of the Abraham Simpson Institute, it would take me years to make it up to 21 days. It’s a good concept, though– at the very least, wearing the bracelet would help you to think, “Is this *really* worth complaining about?”
September 1st, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Sometimes it feels like there is a fine line between complaining and speaking up for yourself and/or providing constructive feedback.
Reflecting on your article, I know I complain fairly regularly at work – lots of small whinges rather than anything big. I have decided to make a big effort to stop complaining.
Leanne Magraith | Forever Changes last blog post..Theory Can Work In Real Life
September 1st, 2008 at 11:58 pm
@ Kirsten, wow, you’re a graduate? Was that summa cum laude?
(Everyone, she’s referring to The Abraham Simpson Guide To Being Miserable.)
The bracelet is definitely a good reminder, but it’s tricky because complaints will slip out before you notice you’re about to complain. It’s not easy, that’s why it usually takes 4-10 months.
@ Leanne, I recognize your picture from somewhere. Hmmm…
I can definitely understand complaining at work. I guess it’s better to be the complainer that the one who’s being complained about, especially because you have the power to stop.
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:52 pm
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September 4th, 2008 at 12:37 am
This is one of those things that always seems like a good idea when I hear about it (have read the don’t-complain advice several times), but I never thought of buying a bracelet and making a conscious effort to monitor my complaints. It’d be an interesting exercise though.
I will say I’m pretty laid back, enjoy my work, and don’t have much to complain about on a regular basis, but I’m sure a few slip in here and there.
I think one of the easiest ways to avoid complaining is to stop hanging around with those people who make a habit of it and are negative in general a lot of time.
Perhaps because I’m not a big complainer, I’m surprised (and drained) when I run into people ranting about the price of gas or how the government is going to hell and what not. I much prefer hanging out with people who are focused on their own personal goals, as these folks tend to be too too consumed by their visions to worry much about pesky little external troubles.
Lindsays last blog post..Building Wealth with Continuity Products
September 4th, 2008 at 11:45 am
@ Lindsay, I definitely prefer to be around people with personal goals. I do sometimes complain about the government (I mean, how can you help it?), but some people just go on and on about gas prices, focusing on something they can’t control while ignoring the things they can. But you do seem pretty laid back, so maybe you don’t really need a bracelet!
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September 12th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Funny, as I scrolled down to write, I noticed Vered had already said what I was going to say, which is that I’m not sure complaining is always a bad thing. She may not mean it the way I do, though. What I mean is that complaining does let off a little pressure for the person complaining.
In my previous job, there were certain legal secretaries who were known for complaining all the time. I believe I was probably one of them. At one point, two friends and I started a fibromylagia support group at work. At the group meetings, I discovered that all of the people who complained a lot had fibromyalgia! Which means they all were in constant pain, minor or major. I have noticed in myself that when my pain goes up, I don’t complain about the pain, but I do complain about everything else. It seemed to be the same with the others in the group. What that means, I don’t know, but I think we probably need to express our pain in some way.
September 12th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
@ Dot, I agree that there are some benefits to complaining, and I plan to write another post to talk about the pros and cons. I think we have to be specific about what we mean by complaining though, as there really are different kinds. Your fibromyalgia example is good food for thought.
January 1st, 2009 at 3:16 am
Hi, I have also learned the hard way that if you complain in an organization because something is not correct, harms others, is against the law, etc. then you find yourself unemployed. None of these would be strikes against you in wearing the bracelet but maybe I should have kept them in my head if I wanted to really be with that company the rest of my life. I have just started a new job and with that I am taking the challenge. It is best to pick your battles and in most cases just work on yourself. Maybe your example with inspire others. Happy 2009!
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:21 pm
@ Marty, that’s right, your employer won’t necessarily want to hear even constructive criticism. Good luck with the challenge!