The Introverts Strike Back
July 3rd, 2008
Email this article to a friend
Introvert Johnny Carson: He hosted The Tonight Show for 30 years.
Lately I’ve been reading a lot of posts that almost seem to describe introversion as a disease, and which purport to teach you how to be more extraverted to have a better life. It’s time we all got on the same page about what introversion is. Many people think it’s something like this:
introvert + social skills = extravert
This implies that extraverts (and yes, that’s the right spelling) are better than introverts, because the difference is simply that they have social skills in addition to everything that introverts have. In reality, it works like this:
introvert = someone who gets their energy from themselves
extravert = someone who gets their energy from others
This is the definition used by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and neither type is better. Extraverts are certainly the majority with 70% of the world’s population, but the world needs all kinds of people.
Introvert Meryl Streep: 14 Academy Award nominations, more than any other actor or actress.
While it’s certainly true that poor socials skills are more likely to be seen in introverts, stereotyping introverts as social outcasts is no more accurate than stereotyping extraverts as dumb jocks. While introverts have their challenges (as all people do), they also have their strengths (as all people do), such as independence, focus, interest in concepts and ideas, and thinking before speaking.
Introvert Thomas Edison: He held 1,093 patents in the U.S. alone.
In fact, when you look at successful introverts, you see that in most cases they succeeded not in spite of their introversion, but because of it. I doubt Thomas Edison would have invented so much if he had preferred bar hopping to being alone with his thoughts.
Introvert Jerry Seinfeld: He entertained millions with a show about nothing.
The Ascending Reticular Activating System
When I was in college in the mid-90s, in one psychology class we heard about a theory concerning the Ascending Reticular Activating System (ARAS). The theory claimed that the ARAS basically worked as a pipe in the brain stem, controlling the influx of information. If a person’s ARAS was wide open, they would get plenty of stimulation just from reading a book, and they’d become an introvert. If a person’s ARAS was relatively closed off and didn’t allow much through, they would need to seek out extra stimulation, and they’d become an extravert.
Introvert Tiger Woods: The world’s #1 golfer and the highest-paid athlete in 2007.
Whether this particular theory turned out to be true or not, I found that it worked well as a metaphor. As an extreme introvert, I find that I’m never bored to be alone, and I almost never need to seek out social situations. When meeting a large number of people, or being with people for too long, I experience sensory overload, and I feel suffocated.
Introvert Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
This is not to say that I never want to be with people, or that I’m never energized by conversations. As with anyone else, some of my best experiences have been with other people. I just don’t require much socialization to thrive, because I have too much fun by myself.
Introvert Warren Buffett: The richest person in the world.
“How to be more extraverted”
When I see a post about “how to be more extraverted,” I think it makes about as much sense as “how to be more left-handed” or “how to be more Chinese.” Introversion is a natural condition, not something that’s determined by our behavior. If you want to talk about how to improve your social skills, and suggest that people should introduce themselves to strangers or attend group functions, fine, but don’t think that’s going to make you an extravert. If hosting The Tonight Show for 30 years didn’t make Johnny Carson an extravert, I doubt some basic socialization will do it for you.
Introvert James Dean: He played by nobody’s rules but his own.
Furthermore, if you’re an introvert, why would you want to be an extravert? Why would you want to switch from being energized by yourself to being energized by other people? Let me try to explain why introversion makes perfect sense to me. Now remember that I’m an extreme introvert, so I can’t speak for all my people.
- I don’t see the need for untargeted socialization. Just because someone is alive isn’t enough of a reason for me to want to spend time with them. A great example of someone I don’t want to spend time with is this guy I work with. He follows me around like a puppy that needs constant attention. He comes into my cube when I’m up against a deadline, bounces a rubber ball off my cubicle walls, plays with everything on my desk, and erases my whiteboard to write his own stuff. I feel like I’m babysitting a 5-year-old. Today he came in, picked up my scissors, and cut up a Post-it note that I had written a password on. I’m supposed to be energized by this numbnuts?
Introvert James Bond: He could tell you, but then he’d have to kill you.
- I usually like to have lunch by myself. I spend my work day interacting with other people, so I think of lunch as a time to get away, relax, think, and strategize. When a coworker wants to have lunch with me, I have to wonder why they want me to spend my free time with them, seeing as how I’m already spending 40 hours a week with them. And I find it rude for someone to just declare that they’re going to have lunch with me twice a week, as one person did.
Introvert Darth Vader: He finds your lack of faith in introversion disturbing.
- People need boundaries. In yet another coworker example, one day I met a new employee and found out that we live near each other. She then asked that since she couldn’t afford a car yet, would I mind driving her to and from work every day until further notice? Are you out of your mind? I just met you, I have no idea if I even like you, and you’re going to jump straight to the chauffeur stage? Are you sure you don’t want to move in with me, or make me a mix tape?
Introvert Mahatma Gandhi: He pioneered nonviolent resistance and led India to independence.
- People aren’t always a good match in every respect. I recently spent some time with a highly extraverted friend of mine, who had borrowed her friend’s Nintendo Wii. We had a great time playing Wii tennis together, but after she left, she was a little upset that I continued playing without her, and preferred to play against the computer. It’s nothing against her, but she wasn’t very good, and the computer automatically increased its difficulty every time you won. She enjoys playing with another human being even though she doesn’t like the game itself. But I enjoy playing the game against a worthy opponent, regardless of whether it happens to be a human.
Introvert Mister Fred Rogers: He received a Lifetime Achievement Award for Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, the longest-running show on PBS.
- I don’t like mindless chitchat. Recently I was working on something and had reached a state of flow, when a friend called me and started going on and on about lawn furniture. I tried to be patient but eventually had to ask if that was the only reason they were calling. It was nothing against them, but I was eager to get back to what I was doing. (By the way, this is an area where extraverts can easily have poor social skills–talking but not listening.) I’m trying to train my extravert friends to say their reason for calling up front. If they need something, ask for it. If they want to chitchat, ask if it’s a good time. I sometimes enjoy chitchat, but it would have to be during a slow time, or with someone I haven’t seen in a long time.
Introvert Albert Einstein: In his own little world he learned much about ours, becoming Time magazine’s “Person of the Century” in 1999.
- I don’t like people asking how my day was. The reason is just because I’m already perfectly aware of how my day was, so talking about it doesn’t give me anything new. If you want to talk, let’s talk about something that’s fun for both of us.
Introvert Jack Bauer: If you think introverts are pushovers, you don’t know Jack.
- I don’t like being asked about my weekend plans. When someone asks “what are you doing this weekend,” I know that what they want is an answer that will impress an extravert. But I know they’ll find it boring that I’m going to watch a movie and work on my ebook, just like I’ll find it boring that they’re going to a bar. I’ve started saying that I’m going to spend the weekend on mafia-related work. It’s just easier that way.
Introvert Steven Spielberg: Three-time Academy Award winner, and the highest grossing filmmaker of all time.
I’m not completely without social skills. I introduce myself to new people, I communicate with coworkers in person when everyone else is sending emails, I’m pretty good at listening and sensing the other person’s mood, I know how to tell jokes, I understand comic timing, etc. Would I like to improve my social skills to the level typical of a super extravert? Sure, and if there were a pill I could take that would boost my social skills without weakening my powers of introversion, I’d take it. But I’m not going to take too much time away from things I already enjoy and things I’m already good at, in order to make tiny improvements in doing things I enjoy less that I’ll never be that good at.
Introvert Martin Luther King, Jr.: He had a dream.
I do think everyone should have some basic social skills. You’ll find it helpful, and it’s usually not too hard to develop some basic social competence. If you happen to suffer from shyness, you should check out 20 Ways to Attack Shyness by Tina Su and Amanda Linehan. But let’s not get confused here. Shyness is a problem, but introversion is not. You can be painfully shy, but you can’t be painfully introverted any more than you can be painfully left-handed.
Can an introvert change into an extravert?
According to Myers and Briggs, someone’s preference for introversion or extraversion doesn’t change. I’m open to the possibility that it can change, but it certainly doesn’t happen as often as some people claim.
One example I’ve often heard is Lou Ferrigno, best known for playing The Incredible Hulk on TV in the 70s and 80s. He claims that bodybuilding took him from introvert to extravert. Since I don’t know much about him I can only guess, but I think it’s very likely that either (1) bodybuilding helped him become more social and he simply confused this with being an extravert, or (2) he was always an extravert, but it was masked by the extreme shyness he developed as a result of losing 80% of his hearing at the age of 3.
When I read posts where people say they joined some group activities and now they’re an extravert, I think “No you’re not!” They might be more comfortable in social situations, they might have good public speaking skills, they might be fun at parties, but that doesn’t make them an extravert. It’s all about where their energy comes from. Someone might be energized from a conversation, but are they really energized by the other person, or are they energized by discussing their ideas? I find it hilarious when someone writes a post about how to be an extravert, and then doesn’t respond to comments. That’s a clear sign of both introversion and poor social skills!
I am an introvert, like my father before me. This is who I am, and I would never want to change it. Are you an introvert too? If so, be proud.
For much more on introverts, extraverts, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, check out my ebook The Personality Puzzle: Understanding What Makes People Tick.
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 am
Yes! I am an introvert. While I can’t say that I am proud to be one, I certainly don’t feel that I need to apologize for my need to spend time alone. I love my friends and I enjoy social interaction – but when I need to recharge, I need to be alone.
Thank you Hunter!
vereds last blog post..Oops. I Accidentally Got Involved In a Blogging War
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:29 am
Are there a definition who gets their energy from both inside and outside world? I mean being self motivated is cool (introvert?) but when you constantly hit the external wall no matter how self motivated you are it will kill you. On other hand If you suck the energy from the external world but do not add anything from inside like your values (extravert?) you’ll soon be denied and left alone without your source of energy – the external world.
I am inextrovert .
Alik | PracticeThis.coms last blog post..Convert Your Blogs RSS Feed Into PDF
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:37 am
Ok – I’m going to come out to the whole world now:
I’M AN INTROVERT, AND I’M PROUD OF IT!!
Well – actually, I’m not. I’m somewhere in between intro and extra. But coming out as an introvert with a ‘hurra!’ was what I felt impelled to do after reading your article. Because, according to you, people like me – who not only enjoy quiet creative times, but also love showing off skimpy dresses on the dancefloor – have such great problems. They
# suck energy from everyone around them
# enjoy mindless chit-chat
# have cotton wool between their ears
# are nausiatingly social.
Maybe that’s true. But sometimes, declaring oneself an introvert means being unwilling to change boorish behaviour.
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 am
Hi Hunter,
I’m proud to be an introvert. As I read your post, and what happens at work, I was nodding my head. Like you, I love my alone time. Some people (extroverts) don’t understand it, but that’s their problem,not mine.
My husband is also an introvert. He hates when people go on and on and on with a story. Now he’ll say, “Just give me the short version”.
BTW: You’ll enjoy my Mini Meme for this week. Hehe!
Barbara Swaffords last blog post..MMM – Can She Talk?
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:03 am
Proud to be an introvert, Hunter.
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 am
Hunter ~
In my early years, I was introvert but in college my roommate was extrovert and people magnet. After staying few months with him, I realized that I needed a balance. I am proud to say that I am neither intro nor extrovert. Either on extreme is not good IMHO.
Shilpan
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:37 am
Hi Hunter, GREAT post! Funny I am a bit of both. Put me in a situation with new people and I tend to “watch” and be inside myself and take great comfort in that. Get me in a crowd of people I have known a while and I let loose! I don’t think either is “wrong” or that introverts need to be converted. I am MUCH happier 99% of the time by myself or with my immediate family rather than seeking out others. But there are those times when it feels good to talk and be with a close friend(s). Love the post and pictures and you make great points…. the most important thing is being comfortable being who you are and not listening to the people that say “you need to change”…. What a loud world it would be if everyone were extroverts!
Thanks for the James Dean picture by the way – he’s always been my favorite introvert! Gratefully, Jenny
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:51 am
I used to be an introvert, though I’m pretty much more vocal now than before.
Haha. Great post!
July 3rd, 2008 at 7:27 am
Nicely done, Hunter!
Thank you for your efforts and all of the hard work that you obviously put into this post. I really enjoyed it.:)
marks last blog post..Dont Let Anybody Tell You That You Cant
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:09 am
Fantastic! So many great points here! I think the Johnny Carson example does a great job of putting the “introversion can be fixed by being more social” argument to rest.
Both personality types have strengths as well as fluctuations. I appreciated that you were able to talk about introversion without slamming extroverts. (I’d actually love to see an extrovert create an article on building social skills for extroverts.) Like you said, there’s nothing wrong with either preference; they’re just different.
You clearly took some time with this, and it shows! So many great introverts that have changed the world both by spending time with themselves and also by dedicating their lives to others. (Well, and Darth Vadar, which was the “Must Stumble Now” moment for me…)
I can have moments where I lean toward extroversion (yesterday I was way energized after a community presentation), but I’m never going to not be an introvert overall and I don’t have a single problem with that. Thanks for fighting the good fight!
Saras last blog post..Redefining the American Dream
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:29 am
Hi Hunter, we shared the same personality. And I loved the way you said what is not you. it’s a negative assertion, something that everyone has to learn, accept who we are and admit that it is ok.
It’s important that people think introversion is ok, but I think it’s also equally important for people not to stay in their comfort zone with an excuse of their introversion.
Instead of balancing introversion and extroversion, it does help if you balance of enjoying who you are and striving for your dream and goal. You can be an introvert while growing your social skills as well.
And the article from Tina is really a great article.
Thanks for this article.
Cheers for introverts! =)
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:13 am
How did you get into my head like that!!! I couldn’t have said it better myself (which is, I suppose, why I didn’t…) I can SO relate to everything you said. I should have been nominated for an Oscar for my “extravert” performance at work. I can happily go for days upon days without speaking to another soul. The ARAS theory is fascinating – mine must be abnormally large because I could stare at a wall and be plenty stimulated. The thought of car-pooling, even with someone I like, would give me the willies. When people complain about traffic, I tell them I don’t understand because I RELISH being alone in my car with NPR on the radio. They look at me like I’m nuts. I’m going to send them ALL a link to this post!!
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
I joke that I suffer from “the Myers-Briggs INFP.”
Y’know, an extrovert wouldn’t know he’s an extrovert but since an introvert is more thoughtful, she can learn (among other things about herself) her disposition, and then Decide whether or not to adjust behavior… (although like you said, cannot change nature).
In my case, I am striving to increase ‘external evidence/stimuli.’
btw: the correct spelling is “introvert.” (I checked the external source ‘Merriam Webster’)
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I guess a lot of people confuse being an introvert with being shy. These same people seem to think that introverts wish they could be extroverts but can’t muster up the courage. Introverts are simply people who get their energy from being alone and feel drained when they have to spend too much time around other people. You know what’s strange? Most experts say that introverts are in the minority, but apparently there are a lot of people who consider themselves to be introverts. I love the use of the transformation into the incredible hulk to show someone turning from an introvert into an extrovert.
Marelisas last blog post..How to Become a Renaissance Man/Woman
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Bravo Hunter! There is so much in your post that I like and agree with that I don’t know where to start – I can relate to so much of it.
I, too, am a proud introvert who really likes to go out with my friends and meet other people. I also like going home afterwards and being on my own. As for social skills, I believe they’re SKILLS, like writing or reading, and there are techniques to learn them. I had to learn social skills but it wasn’t because I’m an introvert that they were lacking. I simply wasn’t taught.
If you’re interested in another good article on this topic, Jonathan Rauch wrote “Caring for Your Introvert” at http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch?ca=W%2BqBlM3STJ31i4PI8QRNEgcAHfaz2pyfBwUD1fGWfy4%3D/.
Thanks for the great post!
Best,
Laurie
Laurie | expressyourselftosuccess.coms last blog post..The Art of Bad Listening
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
“I dont see the need for untargeted socialization”…. I am so chuckling with you on this one.
Is there a brain difference other than this ARAS?
Janice Cartiers last blog post..A Goal Setting Template- Part 4
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:10 pm
@ Vered, we certainly want you to be fully charged, so do what you need to do. When I start off with a full battery, it lets me not only be with people longer, but it lets me be more fun to them.
@ Alik, the introvert/extravert scale is a continuum, so you can be more or less to one side. According to Myers-Briggs though, you have to pick one that’s dominant, though it might be only 51%. I know someone who can’t decide if she’s an introvert or extravert. I think she’s an extravert, but I can see why she’s not ready to declare herself one.
@ Mary, Alik is another example of someone in between. I agree that both sides have their challenges, as well as those in the middle. I’m glad you can embrace your introvert side, but you’d still be welcome here even if you were a raging extravert.
@ Barbara, I find it frustrating when people don’t understand that I love my alone time. I mean really, there are 2 billion of us…have they really never met an introvert before? I enjoyed your meme, and I’ll have to try the line “Just give me the short version!”
@ Robin, you go girl!
@ Shilpan, I’m glad you found a mix that works for you!
@ Jennifer, introverts tend to be very good loyal friends. It’s like once they decide that they want to let someone into their inner circle, then they can open up and enjoy being close. Glad you liked the James Dean picture. As I was coming up with the list, I thought “I should put a rebel in here, like a rebel without a cause…” And then it hit me!
@ Daniel, yeah, I’d never accuse you of not being vocal!
@ Mark, thank you, and yes, it was a lot of work. At 2 in the morning I was thinking “OK, I _really_ need to get to sleep soon!” But the introverts needed a post to support them!
@ Sara, ever since I heard that Johnny Carson was an introvert, he’s been at the top of my list of people to use in a “how to be more extraverted” debate. He’s just a fantastic example of someone thriving outside their element.
I was originally considering slamming extraverts by setting up an introvert against an extravert in each category, like U.S. presidents: introvert Abraham Lincoln vs. extravert George W. Bush. In the end, I decided it would be more effective as a pro-introvert but not anti-extravert piece.
You like Darth Vader, huh?
@ Robert, that’s a good point. No one should use any label as an excuse to stop them from doing something they want to do. The comfort zone can always be stretched!
@ Annie, I nominate you for “Best Introvert Actress in an Extravert Role!” I like being alone in my car too, but I would rather have the traffic go away and have more time to be alone outside of my car!
@ Matt, I’m not sure I understand your comment about the spelling of introvert, since that’s how I was already spelling it. Did you mean to say it’s spelled “extrovert?” m-w.com lists both extrovert and extravert, but I use extravert because that’s what Myers-Briggs uses. (Etymology: modification of German extravertiert, from Latin extra- + vertere)
That’s a very interesting point–an introvert is more self-aware, so they’re better able to adjust their behavior.
@ Marelisa, I find it interesting that there’s so much confusion about introverts, considering that there are 2 billion of us. Maybe it’s because we don’t talk much about it! I liked that Hulk image and metaphor, but ironically, the Hulk is an introvert!
@ Laurie, a lot of people think that social skills are indeed learned, and extroverts learn them because they spend so much time practicing them. I’ll check out that article, thanks!
@ Janice, I’m not aware of any other brain differences besides the ARAS. And this was just a theory I heard in the mid-90s, so I don’t know what new information has been produced by research. They tested the ARAS theory by seeing if introverts have a stronger reaction to lemon juice (they do), but there were also some holes in the theory. You might check with Marelisa (2 comments above you), since she seems to read up on so much research.
July 4th, 2008 at 4:20 am
Hi Hunter – I love this post. It really sticks two fingers up at all those articles that encourage you to be more of an extrovert.
I do love seeing people and talking – but just not all the time. I far prefer working alone and I find it easy to motivate myself. And I think that’s a huge bonus for many introverts – they don’t need other people around to get things done.
July 4th, 2008 at 8:45 am
I really think that there is nothing wrong being an introvert; maybe it’s because I’m one…LOL!! You are right to point out that people tend to be drawn to extroverts. Introverts are often known to be less self assured and prefer to keep to themselves. This perception is not necessarily true.
At heart, I would say that I’m an introvert with social skills. I can interact if I want to. As you’ve also said “I just dont require much socialization to thrive, because I have too much fun by myself.” I also do not enjoy mindless chatter; I’ve got more important things to do.
Maybe that’s why you and I “hang out” so well on the web
Evelyn
July 4th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Hi Hunter,
I love psychology and I really like your analysis of these concepts. I have never heard of the ARAS. I will definitely check that out. I think mine is wide open.
I usually test out on an extrovert scale, but I don’t fit this category all the time. For instance, I like social stimulation, but people do wear me out and I need a lot of time alone to recharge my batteries. It’s almost like people drain my batteries.
I also enjoy time by myself because I can easily entertain myself with my imagination.
Sometimes I feel like an oxymoron.
The problem with the US is that we place way too much emphasis on extroversion to the detriment of introversion. Most of our social systems are geared towards extroverts.
Ellen Wilsons last blog post..Getting Rid of Junk and Adding Some
July 4th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
@ Cath, well, I’d be content to just stick one finger up! I wonder if extraverts ever call people up and say “I want to start working. Can you motivate me?”
@ Evelyn, I think it’s very accurate to call you an introvert with social skills. The web is great for people like us, because we can interact with who we want, when we want.
@ Ellen, some people are so split on the introvert/extravert scale that they can’t decide what they are. From your description above, I’m having a really hard time figuring out what side you fall on. The people in the middle have a good deal in that they can enjoy both kinds of situations, but they can also have a hard time deciding where they belong.
We certainly have a lot of extraversion bias in this country, but I think there’s even more in some other countries. For example, in some cultures, people live with their parents until they get married. But in the U.S., it’s perfectly OK to live by yourself, and in fact people will think it’s strange if you live with your parents for too long.
July 7th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Some of the comments suggest a few people haven’t really read the post. Intro or extro has nothing to do with the quality of someones social skills. Even if you haven’t read the post, the Carson and Seinfeld photos should be enough to suggest this. Both would be the life of any party, even if the party was all extroverts. They just wouldn’t be the life of every party that week, as they would only go to 1 party in 10.
By the way, great post Hunter. I really enjoy it when someone puts conventional wisdom on it’s head. Especially, when it applies directly to me…an introvert.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
there are further confusions to undo.
when you talk about energy you mean creativity. everyone needs a certain kind of input to produce the sort of output that he can shape in the most skillfull way. this defines types in generall, introverts and extroverts in particular.
the mbti talk deffinition of intro/extroversion ist just a little stupid.
when an introverted person is alone, he may be buisy working out input, eg processing emotions or creating theories/visions, he is not in his input phase. when he is in his input phase, he is not alone whith himself, but alone with a book, a computer or even a close friend etc.
as for true energy: it is not something you get out of a socket. it is just there, it raises as needed, it corresponds to the bandwidth of your brains processing of date, and it is the same for everyone, unless someone blocks more of it, than someone else. it is blocked by using a way of defining boundaries, that requires you brain to indulge in loops of tense repetitions. while the conscious data processing is reduces likewise to other tense narrow loops.
it makes no difference, wheter you block the experience of observing states of other people which naturally resonate with you, unless you lack all sensitivity, or wheter you block the experience of your own selfreferring states. they are all in your head, in the end. both extroverted and introverted people block them, that is, a verry personalized set of them.
extroverteds block just as much overall, as introverteds, they do it in a technically slightly different way. extoverted folks get more superficially as they block more, introverteds get more apathic or rejecting. that may be a simplified way of describing it, but its not so important to make the point anyway.
still talking about true energy: an introverted person does not get less stimulated by company, but more likely overstimulated, as he does not lack social competence, but more specifically social autimatism, that is forementioned superficially, handling social input data without closely analysing it and thus eventually splitting it up into narrow trance loops off repression and fixation.
if people dont block out specific states, they are energetic like almost infinitly, and introverted people wont need to be alone and compulsively “authentic” (as in “complicated”) and extroverted people dont need to be superficial and totally pretentious any more. introverted deepak chopra has died this little death of personalised blocking and is not only nonstop active among people, but has to sleep no more than like 4 hours, so he says.
if introverted people want to be extroverted, my guess is, that most of them want to be energetic. want to stop disconecting them from a lot of their own states of experience and resonance by means of neurotic barriers. want to be enlightened, but are to much stuck in a materialist worldview, to use another concept or term than extroversion.
knowingly that common extroverteds are not that, which i want to become, i often said and say that i want to be extroverted.
July 7th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
I thoroughly enjoyed the article. Thanks for posting it.
Avani-Mehtas last blog post..Break Free of Anxiety Habits – Creative Ways to Deal With Stress And Overcome Anxiety
July 7th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
The thing I really like about the article is the way it spells out the fact that introversion/extroversion is spelled out as types, not some kind of disease. And of course it’s great that it points out all of these accomplished introverts.
But, as an extrovert, I don’t like things that introverts do either. Why should extroverts have to do what introverts want? On the flip side, why should introverts have to do what extroverts want? To me, in a way, it’s a sad development of humankind. We have about half the population that wants to interact a lot, and half the population that wants to interact a lot less, and all the other things. I’m sure there’s a purpose for that somewhere. As an extrovert, I’ve noticed that it’s difficult for me to become friends with introverts. I have introvert friends that I have been friends with for years and years, and I still don’t feel connected to them. There is always this reserve. That’s cool, but we can never be as close as some of my other friends, just from experience, and I don’t even know what this supposed separateness even is, I just feel it.
But from my perspective, the separateness is palatable. This might be what people are reacting to as well? Aloofness. Will introverts ever get what they want? I know that I won’t as an extrovert. People who want to be aloof from me don’t like me. How would I be able to tell any different? Actually, people who are aloof do not like me. That’s the credible interpretation in our society. An introvert that has had to much at a party might look at an extrovert asking one too many questions and say, “yeah, right, whatever,” out of frustration, but that frustration is visible. It might just be an indication of “battery re-charge needed” but it looks a lot like an unhappy person. So, in society we can never escape the effect of ourselves on those around us to various degrees.
If introverts wish to maintain their introversion, they themselves have to set the boundaries “out in” society. Society won’t do this. I’d be careful at assuming what “extroverts want from you” as well. I’ve found that introverts (but definitely not limited to! Ext. are just as good) are good at assuming what other people want. When I ask someone what they are doing for the weekend, “reading a book and going to a movie” is just fine. I ask people things because I care, on some level, not because it’s a social construct or something else. I ask, because I’m trying to connect with another human. Then, what I get is aloofness. Which says, “get away from me.”
I understand now, in life, that it’s not personal. But I wonder if extroverts don’t like introversion to some degree because it seems mean and distant to them? Even though, in order to get what they want, introverts have to tell people what they want, especially extroverts. They will never get it unless told. Be as proud as you want, but don’t expect the extrovert world to welcome aloofness with open arms.
Ken
July 7th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
@ Chad, you’re absolutely right that social skills have nothing to do with which way you vert by definition. Of course, on average extraverts will tend to have better social skills, but that’s not what makes them extraverts. Introverts are typically better at certain things too, but that’s not what makes them introverts.
As an introvert, Jerry Seinfeld may naturally prefer being alone most of the time, but because of his love of / talent for comedy, he developed his social skills to a level far beyond most extraverts. All certified Myers-Briggs practitioners are very careful to say that your type reflects your preferences, not your abilities.
@ Avani, I’m really glad you liked it!
July 9th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I find it helpful to keep in mind being an introvert or extrovert isn’t a binary thing. Everyone is both, but the MBTI theory is that we have a natural orientation toward one or another. We actually have to operate both ways, but we tend to be better at one than another. So, over time, as an extrovert I become better at handling things that require me to draw from or understand my internal world. You might say that naturally I attend one better than another, but I have to live in both ‘worlds.’
So, as an extrovert married to an introvert, my wonderful wife has taught me better and better how to connect with my interior life, attend and nurture it. And I hope there are strengths that my extroversion brings to her life and relationships.
And thanks for the clarity about the MBTI type. Though Myers-Briggs and Jungian types don’t explain everything, they do give a helpful (if not comprehensive) view.
July 9th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
@ Jadey, I think being married to someone of the opposite type can be very helpful. While in some cases it could cause problems, you two are clearly getting along well. And that means you can help each other enjoy the benefits of the other type. You’re right, we do have to operate both ways, even if we prefer one over the other.
July 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
This has got me thinking because I would definitely have said I am an extrovert and one who tends to get along with most people. I like people and I need to connect with others, but at the same time I need definite alone time and am happy muddling along in my headspace for hours, sometimes even days.
So, maybe I’m a well balanced extrovert?! I don’t do mindless chitchat unless I have to for some reason, but I am fascinated by people and love to hear their stories. People can teach you so much about the world and I love to exchange ideas. But then the writer and dreamer in me also likes to hibernate and hole up with the computer or my notebook.
Great article.
Kelly
Kelly@SHE-POWERs last blog post..It’s official: Australians are Fat and Badly Dressed
July 11th, 2008 at 10:43 am
[...] help you bridge the gap between the life you have and the life you want.” His recent post The Introverts Strike Back had me rolling on the [...]
July 11th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
@ Kelly, I’ve been hearing from a number of people who seem to be somewhere in the middle. I guess you’re another one of them, but maybe a bit more on the extravert side.
July 15th, 2008 at 2:53 am
A fun post, thanks for the read.
Any introverts who are tired of being told they should change to survive and thrive in an extroverted society should check out “Party of One: the Loner’s Manifesto.” It highlights a lot of what introverts have been responsible for in the world and will make you realize you’re not alone (even if you prefer it that way a lot of the time!
)
July 15th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
@ Lindsay, thanks for the tip. It sounds good from the title! If we took away everything that introverts have been responsible for, what would be left?
July 31st, 2008 at 6:55 am
Thank you! I love this. I often have to explain to people that, yes, I really am an introvert, even though I’ve spent the last year constantly networking in my business. The difference for me is, it’s been freaking exhausting! I definitely NEED my time alone, and often prefer just hanging out along than doing anything else. I remember back in my single life many a Friday nite spent HAPPILY alone, whereas some of my other girlfriends would just die if they didn’t have a date. I love being an introvert because I can be a deep thinker, yet act like an extrovert when I need to. Then come back and take a nap.
July 31st, 2008 at 9:15 pm
@ Christie, that’s interesting that you have to explain to people that you’re an introvert. Do you have a badge to prove it to them?
That’s good that you can flip on the extravert switch when you need to, but like you said, it can be exhausting to do that for too long!
July 31st, 2008 at 11:34 pm
I’ve always found it strange that many people can’t understand that being around other persons is exhausting for introverts, rather than invigorating, as it is for extroverts. I love being alone, therefore, I’m perceived as weird by many people. Thanks for this interesting post!
Teacherwriters last blog post..Reading: How Nancy Drew Saved My Life
August 1st, 2008 at 9:15 pm
@ Teacherwriter, I know, you’d think that there would be a little more awareness and understanding by now. Introversion is not a new thing! But don’t worry, I know you’re not weird!
August 5th, 2008 at 5:30 am
[...] read about how to “cure” introversion. In response to these articles, I wrote The Introverts Strike Back, in which I argued that (1) introverts can’t become extraverts, and (2) they shouldn’t [...]
August 5th, 2008 at 8:28 am
[...] The Introverts Strike Back, this new post is pretty evenly balanced between both types, pointing out ways we can all cater to [...]
August 6th, 2008 at 1:27 am
[...] other big part of it, however, is the idea that there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. What a gem that little concept is. It’s not that I don’t like you, or don’t want [...]
August 6th, 2008 at 2:10 am
I found it ironic that the following Google ad appeared under this article:
Introvert = Loser
Being Yourself is Not the Solution It’s the Problem. Learn to Change.
August 6th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Well I can’t tell you whether Lou Ferrigno is an introvert or an extrovert, but I can tell you that he’s a supreme jerk. I worked with him at a convention several years ago. We had a handicapped person manning his autograph line. He demanded that the gentleman be removed from his line control position, because he didn’t want a freak like that scaring off people. The gentleman in question had worked with us for years, was amazing at his job and in no way deserved that kind of treatment. I thought the whole scene was considerably ironic since Lou himself is handicapped.
August 6th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
@ Graham, yeah, I thought that was pretty funny!
@ Mary, that’s really unfortunate.
August 6th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Interesting post. As an introvert who has failed trying to be extroverted, I really enjoyed this. Thanks.
lifelessliveds last blog post..That wasnt so bad.
August 6th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
@ lifelesslived, glad you liked it. It’s OK not to be extraverted!
August 7th, 2008 at 12:50 am
I am an introvert and enjoy it. I can be social when I need to, and rather enjoy being social at times, but I do my best work and my best thinking when I’m alone. I don’t like it when people expect me to be social. I have a friend who will text me, and when I am in my mood when I want to be alone, I may wait a few hours before replying. It’s not to be rude, but that’s my time, and I do not have to respond. It’s the same as someone who would just show up at your door unannounced. When I don’t respond to my friends message right away, she think’s it’s very rude and gets mad at me. She is very much an extravert.
August 7th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
@ captaind, many introverts are as you describe – social when they need to be, but they do their best work alone. Too many demands for socialization can wear an introvert down, and in many cases, extraverts simply don’t understand that introverts need their alone time. You might try explaining that it’s not to be rude, it’s just that you need your space.
August 8th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Hi Hunter,
Thanks a bunch! Being an introvert and having struggled to justify my need to be alone, your article has been a breath of fresh air. I can now huddle in my den without a guilty conscience. All the best!
August 9th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
@ HappyChappy, exactly, introverts often feel like they have to justify their introversion because we’re outnumbered by people who are more vocal. It’s OK to have your alone time. On the other hand, it’s also important to pay attention to other peoples’ needs, including those who need some socializing time with you. It’s a balancing act.
August 10th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
[...] terms as defined by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, not in layman’s terms. Be sure to read The Introverts Strike Back for more on this. Also, people are still telling me I’m spelling extravert wrong–try [...]
August 11th, 2008 at 12:14 am
I enjoyed this article (and ‘can’t we all get along’ as well). I’m also tired of being told that I could be extraverted if I just tried harder and stopped being shy. Bah. (I’m also sick of being told that as a woman I love talking and can’t bear to be parted from my phone.)
My mother-in-law and sister are extreme extraverts who have both been guilty of telling me this, mixed in with the constant stream-of-consiousness chatter that dribbles out of their mouths. They think I’m lonely. Sigh.
(While I’m not shy, the more contact with *tactless* extraverts I have the more misanthropic tendencies creep into my nature. Ah well. Most of my friends are used to me now and, unlike my tactless extraverted relatives, are cool with my introversion.)
August 11th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Oscar the Grouch,
“I’m also sick of being told that as a woman I love talking and can’t bear to be parted from my phone.”
Really? People tell you that? Maybe they should be a little more observant and pay less attention to stereotypes!
August 18th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
[...] Whilst perusing Delicious earlier today I came across a really interesting postIntroverts and Extraverts : Can’t We Just Get Alongwhich in turn led me to another post by the same authorThe Introverts Strike Back. [...]
August 28th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
The worst part of being an introvert is definitely the people who want to change you. I run into this almost every time I meet someone new: “You’re introverted? We need to get you out of your shell, get you more social.”
Um, no. Then I have to explain introversion versus extroversion, and hopefully they’ll leave it at that.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:40 am
@ Nathaniel, yes, that can definitely be frustrating. It can be hard to handle that situation without giving in, and also without sounding like a jerk. I try to explain that I have so many good things going on inside my head that I just don’t need as much socialization as someone who gets bored easily.
September 9th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
This was a revelation for me.
I have all the traits of an introvert.
I have never read about the Charge part. It makes much more sense to me now.
I thought it was only me that needed to charge the batteries by being alone.
I like being with people, but crowds and noise make me very tired.
I get a brain overload. I get to a point where I can no longer think.
Literally, I need to escape. Just as little as 15 min alone, recharges me.
It’s amazing!!
Man, you have a problem.
What’s wrong with having lunch together.
That is not being introvert, that is being fobic.
I can’t stand mindless nonsense chitchatting either.
But, I have learnt, that Talking is not only about communication.
It is a relation between two or more people.
Why would I need a reason to talk to a friend, for example?
But you’re right, talking about furniture at the wrong moment can be frustrating.
As an introvert I have exceptional skills.
I can remember almost everything that has been said in a meeting.
I analyze things and people behaviour (not on purpose). Notice subtle differences. etc. But it is a problem for me when I really need to be with a lot of people, like family reunions, conferences, etc.
By the way, how was your day?
September 9th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
That sounds tough for me for sure, even as an extrovert. Dealing with large groups, or big family groups. It wears me out too, but sort of in an “overcharging way.” As I get older, the “being charged up” aspect of being an extrovert it seems to me can grow to be tiring.
Hi, I commented a while ago and saw an update in mail. I’m an extrovert, but I had a good conversation one time with someone who was a good friend of mine and an introvert. He grew up in a family with a lot of people and a lot of things going on all the time, yet he learned skills to kind of… navigate the extroverted territory. Basically, he had developed skills for dealing with situations like that, but they were much more actions he could call on as necessary, than something that is connected to how he happened to be feeling. So, even though he was feeling a certain way, in order to smooth things along, he would call on one of these skills. Yet, he was also able to maintain his distance because it was a technique, rather than having to actually feel like he “had to do it.”
I noticed Hunter mentioned something about appearing like a jerk. Well, I think extroverts have introverts beat out on that by a long shot! I totally support strong descriptions to people who don’t get it. If people think that someone has “got a problem” because they’re introverted (sort of like having a problem because you’re human) – the introvert isn’t the one with the problem, of course. If an introvert explains to someone what they need clearly and someone doesn’t accept it, I believe it can be appropriate to simply lay it down for them. “Let me put it this way. This is how I am, and that’s it. You can accept it or not.” That might sound really rough, but I do that. Heheh, which isn’t saying much for it’s defense. But having said that, I’ve done that and I recognize that people respect it. They might think you’re a jerk, but how much “remote mind recognition management” can we actually control? Some people simply think that their way of being a human is at least in some way “THE” way to be a human, as we all know. Sometimes these type of people, in my view, may need a verbal slap of sorts to simply get in line. At that stage, I think, it’s not about getting them to recognize reality, but simply to get them to stop being irritating.
Thoughts?
September 9th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
@ Mattias, no, it’s not just you, lots of people charge themselves by being alone (about 30% of the U.S. population).
What’s wrong with having lunch together is that it’s the only time I get to take a break. Why would I want to always spend that time with the same people I’m with all day long? Or what if I have errands to run, or I want a different kind of food? I had lunch with some people today, but that actually made sense because I don’t see those people all the time.
Oh, and my day was great, thanks for asking!
@ Ken, if I encounter anti-introvert people on the internet, I can simply refer them to my posts and it saves me the effort.
In real life, it depends on my mood and how much of a jerk they’re being. If they’re willing to listen, I’m willing to explain the difference between introverts and extraverts, and how they get charged differently.
However, sometimes I need to be an anti-extravert jerk in order to get them off their extravert high horse. Being nice about it doesn’t work if they’re not willing to listen.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:31 am
hunter,
just wanted to drop a line to tell you how much i enjoyed reading this – it is in my top 5 for good things that have happened to me this year!
i have never thought that shyness and being an introvert were different. since my divorce 3 yrs ago, i made an effort to change my life in alot of ways and one of those is tackeling shyness. i have overcome a good bit of my shyness – for instance i have been in a community play, have played and sung a solo at church, have tried to open up more and meet new people, etc.. there were two big revelations to me that you wrote about; that i cannot change being an introvert even though the social pressure to do so exits, and, the term “recharge,” which is exactly what i have to do; for instance, at a social gathering of some sort, i have to walk outside for a few minutes or get isolated somehow – being around people and hearing a bunch of mindless chitchat just drains me. i just never knew what to call it and i have always thought that something is majorly wrong with me. but i have found out there is nothing wrong with me, it is just how i am wired.
also, the fact that i have performed in front of people (which is something i enjoy but was too shy at one time to do it) extraverts seem to think that i am some super outgoing social person and when they find out that i am not, they will say “well he must be mad at someone or something” or “you must think you are better than us, you won’t socialize with anyone here” and crap like that gets me absolutely furious to where all i want to do is leave. i dont have the composure to think of something to say to them. any suggestions? and thanks again for this wonderful article!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
hunter,
i just wanted to drop you a line to say how great it was reading your article. i mean it was more than great – it is in my top 5 for the best things that have happened to me this year!
there were two great things that you pointed out that just floored me when i read it. i guess ive been so used to the social pressure of breaking free and to come out of my shell that ive never paid attention to the fact that 1) you cant change introvertism and 2) that it is ok and perfectly normal to “recharge” before, during, or after a social event, and 3) yes , people and their talking can and will drain you. ive always thought i was crazy during a social setting to want to go outside or even to the bathroom when i didnt need to go just for a few minutes!
i see now the difference between shyness and being an introvert. when i got a divorce 3 yrs ago i made a promise to change my life and one of those things was to work on my shyness; ive made new friends, acted in our community theatre (wizard of oz!), sung and played a solo at church on the piano, was asked to play and sing at a community function which i will next monday (oct 6), and just trying to open up a little more i guess. and it has all helped but i realize now that i cannot change being an introvert so i can quit worrying so to speak about the social pressures that come along with being an introvert.
one of the things i get when being in a social setting in which i am not socializing very much – the mindless drivel; people talking about furniture to one person and then a few minutes later they are talking to someone else about the same exact thing and everybody in the room just drains energy from me – they (extraverts who do not know me know me) will comment such as “are you mad at someone? whats wrong? is something going on i should know about” or the classic line “whatsa matter? you think youre too good to talk to people here?” when they say stuff like that it is pointless for me to stay there i just keep getting more agitated.
what would be your response to comments like these? and thanks again for a revelating article!!
October 2nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
hunter, sorry i didnt think the first one posted! the internet was being all freaky…
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:09 pm
@ Brad, the first time someone posts a comment, it goes into the moderation queue and I have to approve it before it gets displayed. Your subsequent comments will generally be shown immediately.
I’m really glad you liked this article enough to make it one of your top 5 things of the year! I recently wrote an ebook that goes into a lot more detail about all of the Myers-Briggs types, called The Personality Puzzle.
I know what you mean about those “whatsa matter” comments. I tend to respond with a counter attack against extraversion. That’s not the best solution, but it’s relatively quick and easy.
The best thing to do is to get them to understand introversion. That’s a lot more effective at resolving conflicts, but it’s not easy to do! After all, you have to be able to explain it, and they have to be willing to listen.
If you need help, just tell them to read this article, or tell them to buy my ebook!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
[...] Hunter Nuttall, personal development blogger and the guy who has a bee in his bonnet over the way some folk regard introverts. Anyway it turns out that Hunter’s passion for studying personality types has taken over his [...]
October 4th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Hi Hunter. I’m following you here from Cath’s review. This was a fantastic article! Up until a few months ago I was down on myself for being an introvert. Not long ago I read an article that made similar points to yours and a light went on. I also think part of the issue is that only about 25% of the population are introverts, so extroversion is seen as more “normal”.
I no longer see being an introvert as negative. It has nothing to do with how a person gets on with another, their social skills, intelligence, etc.
I definitely thrive on time alone, but I do enjoy spending time with people too. My alone time is what keeps me centred.
Davinas last blog post..Creative Luny Landing In The Sand
October 4th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
@ Davina, hi, I saw you in Cath’s review too. Extraverts not only outnumber us, but they talk more and louder, meaning they’re more likely to say negative things about us than we are about them. Of course both types are equal, and I’m glad to hear you no longer see being an introvert as negative.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
[...] Lest you think I’ve gone off the deep end of sanity, read the blog post, The Introverts Strike Back. It celebrates being introverted. http://hunternuttall.com/blog/2008/07/the-introverts-strike-back/ [...]
October 16th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
[...] Guide to Search Engine Optimisation – Ben Barden Really Cool Portable GPS Tracker – Al Carlton The Introverts Strike Back – Hunter Nuttall 6 Things You Can Learn from the Man Who Had No Shoes – Cath Lawson The Real [...]
October 17th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
[...] Obama and John McCain are both left-handed introverts. The odds of this happening are about a thousand to [...]
October 17th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Hmm. Interesting writeup. I read the beginning and scanned through the rest; was a little too verbose for me but I appreciated the point and perspective.
I always equated introvertedness with shyness and because my friends always looked to me for leadership and direction, I branded myself as an extravert. But over the past year, I’ve put two and two together and realized shyness and introvertedness are not the same, so I suppose because I draw my strength from my inner being and can relate that to the outside world, I’m one of you, Hunter.
Ari Herzog´s last blog post..How Horse Hair Helps Explain the Social Web in 25 Words
October 18th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
@ Ari, it’s entirely possible to be an introvert who provides leadership and direction. In fact, the next U.S. president will be an introvert, be it Obama or McCain.
November 3rd, 2008 at 10:35 am
omg i like albert einstein he is soooooooooooo cooooool but sometimes he isnt lol
November 3rd, 2008 at 11:32 am
@ Sandy, Einstein was always cool!
November 11th, 2008 at 1:16 am
This made me laugh so hard.
You are totally right and I agree with that. I’m just naturally introvert and while I like to be around people when I’m hyper, it doesn’t make me extravert. I have my times when I’m outgoing but that doesn’t change anything.
This is genius. :]
November 12th, 2008 at 2:56 am
@ Alex, do you get hyper much?
If you normally like to be alone, then yes, you’re probably an introvert. Welcome to the club!
November 12th, 2008 at 3:10 am
Sadly, I don’t get hyper much at all. ]: It’s hard for me to get much energy. I might be a little of both, actually, depending on my mood. Sometimes I get my energy from myself but other times being around others help.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:33 am
[...] The Introverts Strike Back was 2,000 words because that’s what it had to be. I’d rather write one strong 2,000 word post than ten 200 word posts that don’t really say anything. My interview with Akemi Gaines on Akashic record reading was 5,000 words because that’s what it had to be. I split it into two posts so it didn’t take too long to read either half. When I wrote about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I wrote 25,000 words because that’s what it had to be. This was way too much for a post, so I made it an ebook. So the format sometimes needs to change to fit the length better, but I don’t understand this extreme sensitivity to length. [...]
November 14th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Wow, wish I’d seen this article sooner, good stuff.
I used to write a blog on the topic of introversion (http://www.themightyintrovert.blogpost.com) but, honestly, after awhile I seemed to be retreading old ground. I really dig your article, though!
Mark Dykeman´s last blog post..Pen and paper are a must for effective editing
November 15th, 2008 at 12:01 am
@ Mark, I can understand how blogging about introversion could become repetitive after a while. I think that’s the case with any narrow topic. But I’m glad that you gave it a go!
November 17th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Well, I can say that I am very much introvert but its not by nature but I converted myself. Because I am a person who has stammering/Stuttering problem. So from childhood I am hiding myself from peoples. I prefer to read book instead of talking with someone. I am living my own world. Perhaps I like to be extravert and I would be if I do not have speech disorder.
Any comments or suggestions for me?
Thanks
November 17th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
@ Hetal, James Earl Jones used to stutter a lot, and he didn’t really talk until high school. But he overcame his stutter, and now he gets jobs specifically because of his voice. The good news is that you know exactly what your block is. Have you worked on overcoming your speech problem, either on your own or with someone’s help?
November 19th, 2008 at 6:08 am
Hi Hunter.
Thanks for the reply. Yes, I took speech therapy. But did not work. Now I am learning from good and bad life experiences. Every points you have mentioend in the article are applied to me. Fried says i am lack of self confidence. This is the main reason. Well I am living same life from many years. So its not a easy process for me to change myself.
November 20th, 2008 at 1:17 am
@ Hetal, sorry to hear it didn’t work. Maybe you can form a support group with other people who have confidence issues. You could all help each other become more confident.
November 26th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
[...] These will set anyone straight about introvert myths. Caring for Your Introvert by Jonathan Rauch. The Introverts Strike Back by Hunter [...]
January 12th, 2009 at 11:41 am
[...] or pursuits or preferences, such as being good in sports or being an outgoing person rather than an introvert ,or being straight rather than gay, will make their lives easier. But it is our job as parents to [...]
January 31st, 2009 at 7:24 am
As an introvert, it did cause me problems in school because extroverts got more attention and were more popular.Of course there were some introverted boys and girls who were attractive and popular .Unfortunately when I was young I drew the wrong conclusions and thought there was something about me that was not as good or attractive as others.I graduated college and law school and practiced for a long time which I am proud of.I read that Dean Martin is another well known introvert.If the girl you like prefers extroverted guys,there is nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with you.You can figure that out fairly quick.Disengage and both find what you want.Some extroverted girls will find you attractive.
February 1st, 2009 at 12:26 am
@ Philip, I think “disengage and both find what you want” is a great tip! We can change our behavior to some extent, but we don’t want to have to act like someone else to win someone over.
February 4th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I wish all parents had a chance to read your post. Many people think of introversion as something that needs correcting. My parents in particular tried their very best to make me into an outgoing person. Of course they failed but my childhood would have been far less stressful had they been more enlightened. Being told that I have to break out of my shell because I’d spent most of a day in my room studying for my high school calculus final was the height of absurdity.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
@ Marc, all parents are welcome to read this! Sorry your parents tried to convert you, but of course they were doing what they thought was best for you. Though perhaps studying for a calculus final is not a bad thing!
February 11th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Really enjoyed finding this blog. I’ve always been happy to be an introvert, but unfortunately the combination of being quiet and confident gets misinterpreted a lot as being stuck-up, aloof or prissy. It’s amazing what you learn from old high school classmates who find you on Facebook after 20+ years! (They thought I hated them! I just never had a good reason to talk to them.)
I’m constantly learning more and more about the way people tick. I think we introverts can more easily recognize and understand what influences people to act the way they do, and that’s both a blessing and a curse.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:43 am
@ Kelysian, that’s funny about Facebook. Who knew that one of its uses was correcting misunderstandings about introversion from high school? I don’t know if introverts can more easily understand people’s behavior, though I do think they probably understand introverts better. Thanks for stopping by.
February 14th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
[...] Introvert’s Personality Traits: Introversion as a Personality Type — Shy, Quiet, and Tentative? The Introverts Strike Back (Note, I didn’t actually read all of these…) __________________ Costrin’s current theories [...]
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Ok, you sound like not only an introvert but an INTX. I think introverted types other than NT probably have no problem discussing their weekend plans…
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
@ ENB14, yes, INTP. I’m not sure about your theory, but I have no evidence against it for now.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
[...] than a group of assholes. Here’s an article that I think makes a nice follow-up to that site: The Introverts Strike Back __________________ INFJ — 78% – 62% – 25% – 56% [...]
March 7th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
EXTREMELY Introverted and EXTREMELY proud. Haha.
March 7th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
oh yeah I definately think us women get a lot more ridicule for our introvertedness . Something about women are supposed to talk a lot and smile all the time, ok whatever, not gonna happen so get over it, is my attitude. I also want to point out that sometimes people are right that introverts can have bad or “boorish” attitudes as someone put it, I know I do and that’s not gonna change so ,ooohhh weellll! looks like you all will just have to deal with it. Introvert with an attitude baby!
March 15th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I HAVE SO HAD IT WITH EXTROVERTS THINKING THEIR NEED FOR CONSTANT STIMULATION OVERRIDES OUR NEED FOR PEACE AND QUIET. (AS MY NEIGHBORS HAVE THEIR 2ND PARTY IN 2 DAYS IN THEIR YARD–KEY WEST–9 FT FROM MY WINDOW WITH THEIR OUTDOOR TV ALSO BLARING. IN FACT SOMETIMES IT IS 5X/WEEK.
ALSO, QUIT TELLING ME I NEED TO GO OUT MORE WHEN I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY BEING HOME(WHEN IT IS QUIET).
WELL, I WOULD LOVE TO READ THE REST OF YOUR ARTICLE BUT IT WILL WAIT UNTIL IT IS QUIET. RIGHT NOW I WANT TO GO OUT ON MY FRONT PORCH WHERE IT MIGHT BE QUIETER.
YEAH FOR THE MINORITY!
INFP
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Was anyone who replied to your writing an extravert?
I wonder if being an intravert means we are depressed in some fashion.
Myself, I enjoy eating lunch alone. It’s one of my favortie times of the day.,
If I am going to spend time with friends, I would really prefer it to be just one person, and then only a very special friend.
My Wife says I am antisocial. I don’t know for certain what that even means. When I am around other people, I have no pobelm mingling and talking about anything. But given my druthers to a dance club, or a Mountain cabin, or secluded beack, I’ll take the quiet place any time. Just me and the birds. (They can be SO chatty)
April 22nd, 2009 at 9:35 pm
@ Bruce, yes, I know some of these people, and I know at least a few of them are extraverts. (Including some of the people who think they’re introverts.) Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re depressed, though of course introverts can be depressed. But if a natural extravert acts like an introvert, that might indicate a problem.
I consider myself more nonsocial than antisocial. Meaning that I’m not against all social interaction, I just don’t require a ton of it. When someone calls you antisocial, could they be antiself? Anti-something is always pro-something else, and everything can be seen in either a positive or negative light.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
I AM PROUD TO BE AN INTROVERT. BUT I SURE WISH I WEREN’T BECAUSE IT IS SO HARD TO LIVE NEXT TO(OR SANDWICHED IN BETWEEN) AN EXTROVERT THAT NEEDS NOISE TO FEEL THEY ARE ALIVE.
I DIDN’T WANT TO BE A ‘BITCH’ SO I JUST TRIED TO SOUNDPROOF AND THAT GOT HIM EVEN ANGRIER.
DO MOST INTROVERTS BACKDOWN FROM CONFRONTATION AND GO ALONG TO GET ALONG? I AM SO TIRED OF MY SENSITIVITY AND LOVE LIVING ALONE BECAUSE THEN I CAN’T SAY OR DO ANYTHING WRONG. I WAS CALLED WIERD A NUMBER OF TIMES AND MY RESPONSE WAS ‘I PREFER TO THINK IT IS UNIQUE’.
THE OLDER I GET, THE MORE SENSITIVE TO NOISE(OR IS IT JUST GETTING TO BE A NOISIER WORLD? EG. TALKING ON THEIR CELL PHONES AT THE TOP OF THEIR VOICE?). THANKS. YOUR SITE IS WONDERFUL
April 30th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I lost some comments when I had to restore my database from a backup, so let me restore them. And here’s the short version of the replies I wrote: Danielle – if someone writes an email like that, they’re the one with a problem; Anna – yes, it’s a scale, and most of us are somewhere between the extremes.
Danielle (no URL) said:
Thanks for this wonderful article. I am an introvert and have suffered being called many bad names due to my natural disposition. I hate small talk, and was labeled rude by my boyfriend’s roommate since I didn’t talk to him every time I came over to see my boyfriend. He wrote an email to my boyfriend, telling him how horrible I was and how my boyfriend couldn’t possibly be happy with me. It was so hurtful!
My Dad was very extraverted and never understood why I was so “quiet”. But I just love being alone and keeping to myself and pondering my thoughts. I do socialize when I feel like it and even like parties, as long as I’m not put on the spot.
I’m thankful for articles like this to help me realize, that despite other’s opinions, being introverted is not a crime!
Anna Conlan ~ Healing and Insight said:
Oh this is interesting. I took the Myers Briggs test but never really fully understood what an introvert was until I read this article! Thanks.
I don’t need much social interaction either, but I do feel much happier when I connect regularly with those close to me. I’m just not a fan of shallow interaction.
I wonder if introversion-extraversion is like a scale, where you can be like 90% introverted or 50% introverted?
May 1st, 2009 at 10:40 pm
@ Glorianne, I don’t think I’m especially sensitive to noise in general, but it bothers me when people talk loudly on their cell phones in public. Maybe it’s because it’s much harder to tune out a voice than other background noise.
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:30 am
Would you be more sensitive to a loud base on a stereo system(thump, thump) than the plain music? Can’t even deaf people ‘hear/feel’ it? Wouldn’t it also be disturbing for extroverts when it wasn’t ‘their music’? let alone introverts?
Isn’t it more of a vibration(less suppressed by mere ear plugs) and more ‘felt’ by the body?
Are you sensitive to being around someone who hates you? Or are you able to block it out entirely without the defense of ‘hating back’.
thanks. glorianne
May 3rd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
@ Glorianne, yeah, a loud base can be extremely distracting. I don’t think anyone hates me, so I can’t say what it’s like to be around them!
May 27th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
I’m an introvert, and I totally agree. I don’t understand this popular notion that introverts are necessarily “boring.” I automatically associate introversion with the James Dean type thing; introverts are “tough.”
I love the very correct observation that Jack Bauer is an introvert. People forget that the other 364 days of the year Jack enjoys time alone with his daughter or current girlfriend just hanging out at home.
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
May 27th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
P.S.: Dr. Gregory House is an introvert:
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
May 27th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
@ Flitcraft, somehow a lot of people say they don’t like introverts but they like the strong, silent type…which falls under the category of introverts!
May 27th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Oh I KNOW! Exactly right. I think they have a problem with the possibility that someone can be stronger than them AND not need other people at the same time. A lot of it, of course, is due to the wide dispersal and simplification of bad psychology into the general population.
Tony Soprano used to always ask “What ever happened to Gary Cooper?!”
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
May 27th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
P.S.: Sorry I keep throwing out all these television references. I could mention books in much more abundance, but references to books and authors aren’t usually as readily caught.
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
May 28th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I love your post!! For the longest I never knew that I was an introvert. I just thought that I was shy and just knew that at times I didn’t need to be surrounded by other people to be happy or excited.
I love being by myself and consider myself as a home body. Give me a good movie, book, or conversation and I am fine. I love quiet time because it gives me more energy and time to think. It’s relatively funny because I went to school for Marketing and have been in the field for 3 years. Most Marketing people are supposed to be “outgoing”, but I’ve pretty much been behind the scence type of person. Until my new job, that I’ve been in for 8 months…my boss knows I’m an introvert, but not sure if she knows what it means. She wants me to show more of my personaility and confidence (she mentioned that I am reserved). So, I’m going to try toastmasters to help with public speaking, but I can’t change the way I am.
I like that introverts are considered to be somewhat of masterminds. I like that!! Also, my boyfriend of 4 years is also an introvert and we get along so great. I know people think that I’m weird and try to figure me out, but who cares. I like who I am (yeah I could develop more public speaking skills) and I will make the best of it. At least I know I don’t have to depend on someone to make me happy.
I have myself!!:)
May 28th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
@ So Sweet 83, I loved this part:
“At least I know I don’t have to depend on someone to make me happy.
I have myself!!:)”
July 29th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
[...] The Introverts Strike Back. [...]
September 5th, 2009 at 5:03 am
I don’t regret being an introvert and i love the fact the i generate energy within my little world……Jean
September 7th, 2009 at 7:24 am
I am a 100% introvert. I enjoy my space and time alone. Friends will call during weekends asking me out and I will tell them I’m not around whilst in actual fact, i’ll be home. Social gatherings do not inspire me that much, I love to be alone. Some people say im too quite, a big NO!, its only that their topics dont interests me. Give me a good topic that makes great sense, i’ll talk like never before. Being one is a good thing because you minimize the chances of hurting/being hurt by others. You do not have to rely on other people for happiness, happiness is upon oneself, inspire yourselves guys.
Think before you speak=minimize errors and conflicts=a better world
September 18th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
[...] were published in the February issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry. More Stuff: The Introverts Strike Back The Difference Between Introverts and Extroverts | Psychology Today Top 5 Things Every Extrovert [...]
September 21st, 2009 at 6:31 pm
“they also have their strengths (as all people do), such as independence, focus, interest in concepts and ideas, and thinking before speaking.”
I’m not sure I can agree with everything on this list:
1. Independence…yes, when independence is warranted it is a strength. But in a working environment interaction is needed in all but a very few fields. Neither independence nor dependence work alone — it is a balance. Additionally, the amount of independence an introvert becomes used to in youth works against them when they try to engage in meaningful relationships.
2. Focus — yes, this is helpful in the work and study environment. It causes a lto to be missed and doesn’t make a rounded person, but can lead to achievement in academia, if not general learning.
3. Interest in concepts or ideas — this has nothing at all to do with introversion or extroversion. It is measured a completely different way.
4. Thinking before speaking. This bugs the crap out of extroverts (the majority) so it is only a benefit to the 25-20% of the population that is also introverted. It wastes the rest of our time and makes us wonder what you’re trying to hide.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:58 pm
@ LM,
1. True, independence has pros and cons, just like anything else. There are many fields that involve more solo work than interaction – software development, for one. And while independence can make some aspects of relationships more difficult, it can also make some easier.
2. By focus, I meant mental concentration, not specialization. Specialization is for insects.
3. Actually, this is one of the defining characteristics of introverts. They tend to be more interested in ideas, while extraverts tend to be more interested in people.
4. How does not blurting out half-baked ideas waste your time? And why would you think someone is trying to hide something if they put some thought into your question?
September 21st, 2009 at 8:02 pm
For info, I’m an ENFP
Actually, Introverts, I believe are half of the population?
There is no us and them, only us, with differences.
Meaningful relationships are hard for everyone. I’m not sure what you mean by “meaningful” here. Meaningful relationships are defined by those in the relationships.
A lot of extroverts could learn a lot more about thinking before speaking.
Maybe you should avoid assuming anything until the person actually says something. Assuming that someone is trying to hide something may not be the best first reaction. Also, perhaps a person is trying to hold back saying something inaccurate, or hurtful, in order to make something work better. I can say for myself that I shoot my mouth off often before thinking and it’s usually not helpful.
I, of course, think balance is a key as you say. If someone is overly introverted they might miss out on extroverted tactics that will help them in life, but the converse is also true.
Ken
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:55 pm
@ Ken, I’ve heard different stats about how many introverts there are. And yes, I’ve heard half, though I suspect it’s really less than that. Thanks for the ENFP perspective on balance!
September 27th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
[...] y por tanto prefiere estar rodeado de gente y asistir constantemente a eventos sociales.” -De The Introverts Strike Back (Excelente lectura, por cierto [...]
September 29th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
“3. Actually, this is one of the defining characteristics of introverts. They tend to be more interested in ideas, while extraverts tend to be more interested in people.”
Where do you get this information? If it were part of the definition of introvert (you are referencing Myers Briggs), there would not be a separate N/S category which is what measures the conceptual vs sensing component. An IS is, by definition, less interested in “concepts and ideas” than an EN.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
@ LM, see the video on http://hunternuttall.com/personality-puzzle, about a fourth of the way down the page. Starting at 0:36, when talking about the difference between introverts and extraverts, it asks:
“Do you like to spend time in the outer world of people and things, or in the inner world of ideas and images?”
I said concepts and ideas, a bit different from ideas and images, but close enough. I see what you’re saying about the conceptual thing already being accounted for with N/S, but this is a different kind of conceptual.
Tim Ferriss and Batman are ISs who are very interested in concepts and ideas. Bill Clinton and Snoopy are ENs who are very interested in people.
October 9th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I just love this post so much. I’m sorry if I have probably commented on it every three months since the day you wrote it (but didn’t have this email address that long).
I am eating a peaceful lunch and enjoying the internet while my coworkers are all off enjoying being *together* – after a whole week of being together. I’m truly thinking about having this blog post printed onto a nice big poster and putting it on one of my office walls. I have a puppy-like guy who comes to “visit” me every hour or so, and this way I could just silently point to the poster and get back to what I was doing. Thanks Hunter for being an articulate and fun voice for introverts!
October 9th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
@ cb, I’ve always thought that dogs tend to be extraverts and cats tend to be introverts. What’s cute in a puppy though, is not so much in a person.
October 10th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Hunter, that’s interesting.
We have three cats and their personalities vary widely. I guess I dogs are pack animals. I’m not sure how animal behavior translates to personality leanings.. if it does, but I wonder if there’s been studies, and I’d definitely like to look into it. Hey! We have the Internet! Who knew…. Perhaps I’ll do that.
October 12th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
[...] used to feel the need to defend introversion as a valid personality type, hence my post “The Introverts Strike Back”. But now I’ve gotten that out of my [...]
October 16th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I am proud to be an introvert. I posted this article on my facebook account to let others know that we’re not crazy people.
I’m really glad I came across this posting. It’s almost empowering.
Decided to google introverts after doing the Meyer Briggs test.
Thanks so much for the post.
October 20th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
I want to shout your words from the rooftop, but I’ll pass them on via internet. :]
My cats, spouse and myself are all introverts. We love our quiet existence together, and sometimes- apart.
They should teach personality type in school, outside of elective psychology classes that is; just imagine the new level of understanding we could all have for one another…
October 22nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
I am an introvert and proud of it. Introverted people get into less trouble than extroverted people. As teenagers, introverts are not behavioral problems as extroverted teenagers are. Introverted teenage girls do not follow the crowd as extroverted teenaged girls-introverted teenage girls do not get pregnant, use drugs, and act stupid. They have their own minds. Introverted children cause their parents less worry than extroverted children.
Introverted people are more independent minded and not as needy(I hate needy people) than extroverted people. I can stay home for three weeks and be happy with my books, my sketching, and my computer. I do not need to go out every day to seek entertainment. Introverted people make better spouses and parents than extroverts.
November 1st, 2009 at 1:29 pm
there’s no certain evidence that these people are introvert….and jack bauers fictional.
November 1st, 2009 at 1:35 pm
@ George, you think Jack Bauer’s fictional? That’s absurd. Next you’ll be saying Darth Vader’s fictional.
November 1st, 2009 at 2:09 pm
On the contrary, the sixteen types primarily gauge general patterns of uniform behavior.
Jack Bauer, as a person, is indeed fictional, but it would be ridiculous to say there are not people who resemble Jack Bauer’s behavior and attitude in real life (which must, incidentally, be the very BASIS of the fictional Jack Bauer — else who would have thought of it? and who would appreciate it?). I know a lawyer whose facial expressions, general attitude toward life, and reactions to circumstances are comparable to Jack Bauer, and who is, indeed, an ISTP (not that he saves the world once every few years or is quite as “active”).
November 1st, 2009 at 4:03 pm
definatley, but you can’t just say people are introvert and use them as a basis of an arguement called “introverts strike back” with no actual evidence they are introvert.
November 1st, 2009 at 4:41 pm
My implication was that you can say they are introverts precisely because their behavior is what identifies them as introverts.
November 1st, 2009 at 11:55 pm
@ George, do you mean that there’s no evidence out there that these people are introverts, or just that I didn’t provide it? I agree that I didn’t present any evidence (as I didn’t need to), but it’s certainly out there. For one thing, Johnny Carson called himself an introvert.
@ Flitcraft, exactly, everyone’s behavior provides tons of evidence as to whether they are introverts. Sometimes false conclusions can be drawn based on behavior, but if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:30 am
And if you study the Socionics version of type-theory (though it has some differences, for good or ill, from Myers-Briggs/Keirsey), there are actual facial patterns, gaits, clothing styles, speech patterns, etc., that can aid in the identification of type. I personally have found eyebrows to be very telling.