Introvert Johnny Carson: He hosted The Tonight Show for 30 years.
Lately I’ve been reading a lot of posts that almost seem to describe introversion as a disease, and which purport to teach you how to be more extraverted to have a better life. It’s time we all got on the same page about what introversion is. Many people think it’s something like this:
introvert + social skills = extravert
This implies that extraverts (and yes, that’s the right spelling) are better than introverts, because the difference is simply that they have social skills in addition to everything that introverts have. In reality, it works like this:
introvert = someone who gets their energy from themselves
extravert = someone who gets their energy from others
This is the definition used by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and neither type is better. Extraverts are certainly the majority with 70% of the world’s population, but the world needs all kinds of people.
Introvert Meryl Streep: 14 Academy Award nominations, more than any other actor or actress.
While it’s certainly true that poor socials skills are more likely to be seen in introverts, stereotyping introverts as social outcasts is no more accurate than stereotyping extraverts as dumb jocks. While introverts have their challenges (as all people do), they also have their strengths (as all people do), such as independence, focus, interest in concepts and ideas, and thinking before speaking.
Introvert Thomas Edison: He held 1,093 patents in the U.S. alone.
In fact, when you look at successful introverts, you see that in most cases they succeeded not in spite of their introversion, but because of it. I doubt Thomas Edison would have invented so much if he had preferred bar hopping to being alone with his thoughts.
Introvert Jerry Seinfeld: He entertained millions with a show about nothing.
The Ascending Reticular Activating System
When I was in college in the mid-90s, in one psychology class we heard about a theory concerning the Ascending Reticular Activating System (ARAS). The theory claimed that the ARAS basically worked as a pipe in the brain stem, controlling the influx of information. If a person’s ARAS was wide open, they would get plenty of stimulation just from reading a book, and they’d become an introvert. If a person’s ARAS was relatively closed off and didn’t allow much through, they would need to seek out extra stimulation, and they’d become an extravert.
Introvert Tiger Woods: The world’s #1 golfer and the highest-paid athlete in 2007.
Whether this particular theory turned out to be true or not, I found that it worked well as a metaphor. As an extreme introvert, I find that I’m never bored to be alone, and I almost never need to seek out social situations. When meeting a large number of people, or being with people for too long, I experience sensory overload, and I feel suffocated.
Introvert Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
This is not to say that I never want to be with people, or that I’m never energized by conversations. As with anyone else, some of my best experiences have been with other people. I just don’t require much socialization to thrive, because I have too much fun by myself.
Introvert Warren Buffett: The richest person in the world.
“How to be more extraverted”
When I see a post about “how to be more extraverted,” I think it makes about as much sense as “how to be more left-handed” or “how to be more Chinese.” Introversion is a natural condition, not something that’s determined by our behavior. If you want to talk about how to improve your social skills, and suggest that people should introduce themselves to strangers or attend group functions, fine, but don’t think that’s going to make you an extravert. If hosting The Tonight Show for 30 years didn’t make Johnny Carson an extravert, I doubt some basic socialization will do it for you.
Introvert James Dean: He played by nobody’s rules but his own.
Furthermore, if you’re an introvert, why would you want to be an extravert? Why would you want to switch from being energized by yourself to being energized by other people? Let me try to explain why introversion makes perfect sense to me. Now remember that I’m an extreme introvert, so I can’t speak for all my people.
- I don’t see the need for untargeted socialization. Just because someone is alive isn’t enough of a reason for me to want to spend time with them. A great example of someone I don’t want to spend time with is this guy I work with. He follows me around like a puppy that needs constant attention. He comes into my cube when I’m up against a deadline, bounces a rubber ball off my cubicle walls, plays with everything on my desk, and erases my whiteboard to write his own stuff. I feel like I’m babysitting a 5-year-old. Today he came in, picked up my scissors, and cut up a Post-it note that I had written a password on. I’m supposed to be energized by this numbnuts?
Introvert James Bond: He could tell you, but then he’d have to kill you.
- I usually like to have lunch by myself. I spend my work day interacting with other people, so I think of lunch as a time to get away, relax, think, and strategize. When a coworker wants to have lunch with me, I have to wonder why they want me to spend my free time with them, seeing as how I’m already spending 40 hours a week with them. And I find it rude for someone to just declare that they’re going to have lunch with me twice a week, as one person did.
Introvert Darth Vader: He finds your lack of faith in introversion disturbing.
- People need boundaries. In yet another coworker example, one day I met a new employee and found out that we live near each other. She then asked that since she couldn’t afford a car yet, would I mind driving her to and from work every day until further notice? Are you out of your mind? I just met you, I have no idea if I even like you, and you’re going to jump straight to the chauffeur stage? Are you sure you don’t want to move in with me, or make me a mix tape?
Introvert Mahatma Gandhi: He pioneered nonviolent resistance and led India to independence.
- People aren’t always a good match in every respect. I recently spent some time with a highly extraverted friend of mine, who had borrowed her friend’s Nintendo Wii. We had a great time playing Wii tennis together, but after she left, she was a little upset that I continued playing without her, and preferred to play against the computer. It’s nothing against her, but she wasn’t very good, and the computer automatically increased its difficulty every time you won. She enjoys playing with another human being even though she doesn’t like the game itself. But I enjoy playing the game against a worthy opponent, regardless of whether it happens to be a human.
Introvert Mister Fred Rogers: He received a Lifetime Achievement Award for Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, the longest-running show on PBS.
- I don’t like mindless chitchat. Recently I was working on something and had reached a state of flow, when a friend called me and started going on and on about lawn furniture. I tried to be patient but eventually had to ask if that was the only reason they were calling. It was nothing against them, but I was eager to get back to what I was doing. (By the way, this is an area where extraverts can easily have poor social skills–talking but not listening.) I’m trying to train my extravert friends to say their reason for calling up front. If they need something, ask for it. If they want to chitchat, ask if it’s a good time. I sometimes enjoy chitchat, but it would have to be during a slow time, or with someone I haven’t seen in a long time.
Introvert Albert Einstein: In his own little world he learned much about ours, becoming Time magazine’s “Person of the Century” in 1999.
- I don’t like people asking how my day was. The reason is just because I’m already perfectly aware of how my day was, so talking about it doesn’t give me anything new. If you want to talk, let’s talk about something that’s fun for both of us.
Introvert Jack Bauer: If you think introverts are pushovers, you don’t know Jack.
- I don’t like being asked about my weekend plans. When someone asks “what are you doing this weekend,” I know that what they want is an answer that will impress an extravert. But I know they’ll find it boring that I’m going to watch a movie and work on my ebook, just like I’ll find it boring that they’re going to a bar. I’ve started saying that I’m going to spend the weekend on mafia-related work. It’s just easier that way.
Introvert Steven Spielberg: Three-time Academy Award winner, and the highest grossing filmmaker of all time.
I’m not completely without social skills. I introduce myself to new people, I communicate with coworkers in person when everyone else is sending emails, I’m pretty good at listening and sensing the other person’s mood, I know how to tell jokes, I understand comic timing, etc. Would I like to improve my social skills to the level typical of a super extravert? Sure, and if there were a pill I could take that would boost my social skills without weakening my powers of introversion, I’d take it. But I’m not going to take too much time away from things I already enjoy and things I’m already good at, in order to make tiny improvements in doing things I enjoy less that I’ll never be that good at.
Introvert Martin Luther King, Jr.: He had a dream.
I do think everyone should have some basic social skills. You’ll find it helpful, and it’s usually not too hard to develop some basic social competence. If you happen to suffer from shyness, you should check out 20 Ways to Attack Shyness by Tina Su and Amanda Linehan. But let’s not get confused here. Shyness is a problem, but introversion is not. You can be painfully shy, but you can’t be painfully introverted any more than you can be painfully left-handed.
Can an introvert change into an extravert?
According to Myers and Briggs, someone’s preference for introversion or extraversion doesn’t change. I’m open to the possibility that it can change, but it certainly doesn’t happen as often as some people claim.
One example I’ve often heard is Lou Ferrigno, best known for playing The Incredible Hulk on TV in the 70s and 80s. He claims that bodybuilding took him from introvert to extravert. Since I don’t know much about him I can only guess, but I think it’s very likely that either (1) bodybuilding helped him become more social and he simply confused this with being an extravert, or (2) he was always an extravert, but it was masked by the extreme shyness he developed as a result of losing 80% of his hearing at the age of 3.
When I read posts where people say they joined some group activities and now they’re an extravert, I think “No you’re not!” They might be more comfortable in social situations, they might have good public speaking skills, they might be fun at parties, but that doesn’t make them an extravert. It’s all about where their energy comes from. Someone might be energized from a conversation, but are they really energized by the other person, or are they energized by discussing their ideas? I find it hilarious when someone writes a post about how to be an extravert, and then doesn’t respond to comments. That’s a clear sign of both introversion and poor social skills!
I am an introvert, like my father before me. This is who I am, and I would never want to change it. Are you an introvert too? If so, be proud.
For much more on introverts, extraverts, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, check out my ebook The Personality Puzzle: Understanding What Makes People Tick.
I lost some comments when I had to restore my database from a backup, so let me restore them. And here’s the short version of the replies I wrote: Danielle – if someone writes an email like that, they’re the one with a problem; Anna – yes, it’s a scale, and most of us are somewhere between the extremes.
Danielle (no URL) said:
Thanks for this wonderful article. I am an introvert and have suffered being called many bad names due to my natural disposition. I hate small talk, and was labeled rude by my boyfriend’s roommate since I didn’t talk to him every time I came over to see my boyfriend. He wrote an email to my boyfriend, telling him how horrible I was and how my boyfriend couldn’t possibly be happy with me. It was so hurtful!
My Dad was very extraverted and never understood why I was so “quiet”. But I just love being alone and keeping to myself and pondering my thoughts. I do socialize when I feel like it and even like parties, as long as I’m not put on the spot.
I’m thankful for articles like this to help me realize, that despite other’s opinions, being introverted is not a crime!
Anna Conlan ~ Healing and Insight said:
Oh this is interesting. I took the Myers Briggs test but never really fully understood what an introvert was until I read this article! Thanks.
I don’t need much social interaction either, but I do feel much happier when I connect regularly with those close to me. I’m just not a fan of shallow interaction.
I wonder if introversion-extraversion is like a scale, where you can be like 90% introverted or 50% introverted?
@ Glorianne, I don’t think I’m especially sensitive to noise in general, but it bothers me when people talk loudly on their cell phones in public. Maybe it’s because it’s much harder to tune out a voice than other background noise.
Would you be more sensitive to a loud base on a stereo system(thump, thump) than the plain music? Can’t even deaf people ‘hear/feel’ it? Wouldn’t it also be disturbing for extroverts when it wasn’t ‘their music’? let alone introverts?
Isn’t it more of a vibration(less suppressed by mere ear plugs) and more ‘felt’ by the body?
Are you sensitive to being around someone who hates you? Or are you able to block it out entirely without the defense of ‘hating back’.
thanks. glorianne
@ Glorianne, yeah, a loud base can be extremely distracting. I don’t think anyone hates me, so I can’t say what it’s like to be around them!
I’m an introvert, and I totally agree. I don’t understand this popular notion that introverts are necessarily “boring.” I automatically associate introversion with the James Dean type thing; introverts are “tough.”
I love the very correct observation that Jack Bauer is an introvert. People forget that the other 364 days of the year Jack enjoys time alone with his daughter or current girlfriend just hanging out at home.
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
P.S.: Dr. Gregory House is an introvert:
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
@ Flitcraft, somehow a lot of people say they don’t like introverts but they like the strong, silent type…which falls under the category of introverts!
Oh I KNOW! Exactly right. I think they have a problem with the possibility that someone can be stronger than them AND not need other people at the same time. A lot of it, of course, is due to the wide dispersal and simplification of bad psychology into the general population.
Tony Soprano used to always ask “What ever happened to Gary Cooper?!”
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
P.S.: Sorry I keep throwing out all these television references. I could mention books in much more abundance, but references to books and authors aren’t usually as readily caught.
Flitcraft´s last blog post..
I love your post!! For the longest I never knew that I was an introvert. I just thought that I was shy and just knew that at times I didn’t need to be surrounded by other people to be happy or excited.
I love being by myself and consider myself as a home body. Give me a good movie, book, or conversation and I am fine. I love quiet time because it gives me more energy and time to think. It’s relatively funny because I went to school for Marketing and have been in the field for 3 years. Most Marketing people are supposed to be “outgoing”, but I’ve pretty much been behind the scence type of person. Until my new job, that I’ve been in for 8 months…my boss knows I’m an introvert, but not sure if she knows what it means. She wants me to show more of my personaility and confidence (she mentioned that I am reserved). So, I’m going to try toastmasters to help with public speaking, but I can’t change the way I am.
I like that introverts are considered to be somewhat of masterminds. I like that!! Also, my boyfriend of 4 years is also an introvert and we get along so great. I know people think that I’m weird and try to figure me out, but who cares. I like who I am (yeah I could develop more public speaking skills) and I will make the best of it. At least I know I don’t have to depend on someone to make me happy.
I have myself!!:)
@ So Sweet 83, I loved this part:
“At least I know I don’t have to depend on someone to make me happy.
I have myself!!:)”
[...] The Introverts Strike Back. [...]
I don’t regret being an introvert and i love the fact the i generate energy within my little world……Jean
I am a 100% introvert. I enjoy my space and time alone. Friends will call during weekends asking me out and I will tell them I’m not around whilst in actual fact, i’ll be home. Social gatherings do not inspire me that much, I love to be alone. Some people say im too quite, a big NO!, its only that their topics dont interests me. Give me a good topic that makes great sense, i’ll talk like never before. Being one is a good thing because you minimize the chances of hurting/being hurt by others. You do not have to rely on other people for happiness, happiness is upon oneself, inspire yourselves guys.
Think before you speak=minimize errors and conflicts=a better world
[...] were published in the February issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry. More Stuff: The Introverts Strike Back The Difference Between Introverts and Extroverts | Psychology Today Top 5 Things Every Extrovert [...]
“they also have their strengths (as all people do), such as independence, focus, interest in concepts and ideas, and thinking before speaking.”
I’m not sure I can agree with everything on this list:
1. Independence…yes, when independence is warranted it is a strength. But in a working environment interaction is needed in all but a very few fields. Neither independence nor dependence work alone — it is a balance. Additionally, the amount of independence an introvert becomes used to in youth works against them when they try to engage in meaningful relationships.
2. Focus — yes, this is helpful in the work and study environment. It causes a lto to be missed and doesn’t make a rounded person, but can lead to achievement in academia, if not general learning.
3. Interest in concepts or ideas — this has nothing at all to do with introversion or extroversion. It is measured a completely different way.
4. Thinking before speaking. This bugs the crap out of extroverts (the majority) so it is only a benefit to the 25-20% of the population that is also introverted. It wastes the rest of our time and makes us wonder what you’re trying to hide.
@ LM,
1. True, independence has pros and cons, just like anything else. There are many fields that involve more solo work than interaction – software development, for one. And while independence can make some aspects of relationships more difficult, it can also make some easier.
2. By focus, I meant mental concentration, not specialization. Specialization is for insects.
3. Actually, this is one of the defining characteristics of introverts. They tend to be more interested in ideas, while extraverts tend to be more interested in people.
4. How does not blurting out half-baked ideas waste your time? And why would you think someone is trying to hide something if they put some thought into your question?
For info, I’m an ENFP
Actually, Introverts, I believe are half of the population?
There is no us and them, only us, with differences.
Meaningful relationships are hard for everyone. I’m not sure what you mean by “meaningful” here. Meaningful relationships are defined by those in the relationships.
A lot of extroverts could learn a lot more about thinking before speaking.
Maybe you should avoid assuming anything until the person actually says something. Assuming that someone is trying to hide something may not be the best first reaction. Also, perhaps a person is trying to hold back saying something inaccurate, or hurtful, in order to make something work better. I can say for myself that I shoot my mouth off often before thinking and it’s usually not helpful.
I, of course, think balance is a key as you say. If someone is overly introverted they might miss out on extroverted tactics that will help them in life, but the converse is also true.
Ken
@ Ken, I’ve heard different stats about how many introverts there are. And yes, I’ve heard half, though I suspect it’s really less than that. Thanks for the ENFP perspective on balance!
[...] y por tanto prefiere estar rodeado de gente y asistir constantemente a eventos sociales.” -De The Introverts Strike Back (Excelente lectura, por cierto [...]
“3. Actually, this is one of the defining characteristics of introverts. They tend to be more interested in ideas, while extraverts tend to be more interested in people.”
Where do you get this information? If it were part of the definition of introvert (you are referencing Myers Briggs), there would not be a separate N/S category which is what measures the conceptual vs sensing component. An IS is, by definition, less interested in “concepts and ideas” than an EN.
@ LM, see the video on http://hunternuttall.com/personality-puzzle, about a fourth of the way down the page. Starting at 0:36, when talking about the difference between introverts and extraverts, it asks:
“Do you like to spend time in the outer world of people and things, or in the inner world of ideas and images?”
I said concepts and ideas, a bit different from ideas and images, but close enough. I see what you’re saying about the conceptual thing already being accounted for with N/S, but this is a different kind of conceptual.
Tim Ferriss and Batman are ISs who are very interested in concepts and ideas. Bill Clinton and Snoopy are ENs who are very interested in people.
I just love this post so much. I’m sorry if I have probably commented on it every three months since the day you wrote it (but didn’t have this email address that long).
I am eating a peaceful lunch and enjoying the internet while my coworkers are all off enjoying being *together* – after a whole week of being together. I’m truly thinking about having this blog post printed onto a nice big poster and putting it on one of my office walls. I have a puppy-like guy who comes to “visit” me every hour or so, and this way I could just silently point to the poster and get back to what I was doing. Thanks Hunter for being an articulate and fun voice for introverts!
@ cb, I’ve always thought that dogs tend to be extraverts and cats tend to be introverts. What’s cute in a puppy though, is not so much in a person.
Hunter, that’s interesting.
We have three cats and their personalities vary widely. I guess I dogs are pack animals. I’m not sure how animal behavior translates to personality leanings.. if it does, but I wonder if there’s been studies, and I’d definitely like to look into it. Hey! We have the Internet! Who knew…. Perhaps I’ll do that.
[...] used to feel the need to defend introversion as a valid personality type, hence my post “The Introverts Strike Back”. But now I’ve gotten that out of my [...]
I am proud to be an introvert. I posted this article on my facebook account to let others know that we’re not crazy people.
I’m really glad I came across this posting. It’s almost empowering.
Decided to google introverts after doing the Meyer Briggs test.
Thanks so much for the post.
I want to shout your words from the rooftop, but I’ll pass them on via internet. :]
My cats, spouse and myself are all introverts. We love our quiet existence together, and sometimes- apart.
They should teach personality type in school, outside of elective psychology classes that is; just imagine the new level of understanding we could all have for one another…
I am an introvert and proud of it. Introverted people get into less trouble than extroverted people. As teenagers, introverts are not behavioral problems as extroverted teenagers are. Introverted teenage girls do not follow the crowd as extroverted teenaged girls-introverted teenage girls do not get pregnant, use drugs, and act stupid. They have their own minds. Introverted children cause their parents less worry than extroverted children.
Introverted people are more independent minded and not as needy(I hate needy people) than extroverted people. I can stay home for three weeks and be happy with my books, my sketching, and my computer. I do not need to go out every day to seek entertainment. Introverted people make better spouses and parents than extroverts.
there’s no certain evidence that these people are introvert….and jack bauers fictional.
@ George, you think Jack Bauer’s fictional? That’s absurd. Next you’ll be saying Darth Vader’s fictional.
On the contrary, the sixteen types primarily gauge general patterns of uniform behavior.
Jack Bauer, as a person, is indeed fictional, but it would be ridiculous to say there are not people who resemble Jack Bauer’s behavior and attitude in real life (which must, incidentally, be the very BASIS of the fictional Jack Bauer — else who would have thought of it? and who would appreciate it?). I know a lawyer whose facial expressions, general attitude toward life, and reactions to circumstances are comparable to Jack Bauer, and who is, indeed, an ISTP (not that he saves the world once every few years or is quite as “active”).
definatley, but you can’t just say people are introvert and use them as a basis of an arguement called “introverts strike back” with no actual evidence they are introvert.
My implication was that you can say they are introverts precisely because their behavior is what identifies them as introverts.
@ George, do you mean that there’s no evidence out there that these people are introverts, or just that I didn’t provide it? I agree that I didn’t present any evidence (as I didn’t need to), but it’s certainly out there. For one thing, Johnny Carson called himself an introvert.
@ Flitcraft, exactly, everyone’s behavior provides tons of evidence as to whether they are introverts. Sometimes false conclusions can be drawn based on behavior, but if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.
And if you study the Socionics version of type-theory (though it has some differences, for good or ill, from Myers-Briggs/Keirsey), there are actual facial patterns, gaits, clothing styles, speech patterns, etc., that can aid in the identification of type. I personally have found eyebrows to be very telling.
Im one of those extreme introverts.. thru my childhood I lived inside my mind fancying deep vivid emotions.. I wasnt much of a talkative person.. I processed my thoughts by feeling them not by rational concepts.. I chose to stay alone or with my other extremely extroverted family members always being misunderstood, playing my computer rather than going out to play with my friends.. often I ventured out to woods to sence the tranquility of nature’s sounds.. when I grew up to my late teens, my rational side aroused and I started to have extremely intense conseptual thinking.. I immersed myself to finnish aswell as english words and expressions expanding my vocabulary enormously without even reading books to have any significant influence.. Now in my early thirties things have gone again for emotional realization than thinking in consepts.
Bravo. Great post on being an introvert. We are a family of introverts, which is great because having a child that was a strong extrovert would be draining. I just can’t handle someone in my face all the time seeking validation. I wrote about it here on my fatherhood blog: http://www.straightdopedad.com/introverts-are-not-retarded-or-anti-social/
Extravert isn’t actually the correct spelling, but it is an accepted variation. Carl Jung first coined the expression as Extrovert. To be fair, neither variation is more etymologically sound, as both terms, and spellings of said terms are essentially nonsensical amalgams of faux Greek and Latin.
I’m an introvert, and it sucks ass not being able to chat people up so easily. But hey, introvert + alcohol = extrovert.
I think the whole point of this article was to show, or at least give a few examples of, why “introvert + alcohol = extrovert” is not true. If you think it sucks being unable to “chat people up” I’d suggest it has less to do with a certain preference of psychical energy than perhaps a native shyness. Being an introvert in and of itself does not prevent anyone from social interaction; rather, the true introvert simply prefers a minimum of social interaction. I.e., “introvert” is not merely a “shy extrovert.”
Loved this post! Being an iNFj, it’s great to be reminded once in a while that “introvert” is not supposed to be a negative term. Thanks!