Forgiving Yourself For A Fatal Mistake
July 18th, 2008
Email this article to a friend
In a 2006 episode of Scrubs (which is tied for the highest-rated episode of the series), Dr. Cox makes a decision that appears to save the day, and then backfires horribly.
Three patients need new organs, and two of them will die within a few hours if they don’t get transplants. Dr. Cox is doing everything he can to find the organs he needs, and he finally gets them when another patient dies of an apparent drug overdose. But after the transplants are made, he learns that the donor actually died of rabies. This means that all three patients are now infected, and the race is on to save them.
Then this happened: (warning – really sad!)
(This episode was based on the true story of three American patients who died in 2004 after receiving transplants from a donor with rabies. The donor died of a brain hemorrhage after smoking crack cocaine, so that was assumed to be the cause of death. Only later was he found to have rabies, which would produce similar symptoms.)
How would you feel if you made the call that caused someone to die? Would you completely shut down, turn to destructive behavior, and let it take over your life? Or would you be able to effectively work through the crisis in the healthiest way possible?
Mary Jaksch explains how to successfully emerge from the darkest moments in her ebook From Tragedy to Triumph: Winning Through a Life Crisis. Unfortunately, bad things can happen when we least expect them. If you haven’t yet, be sure to check out my review of her ebook (the previous link) and see if you think it would be helpful to you, now or in the future.
As for Dr. Cox, let’s hear your thoughts. Did he make the right call by ordering the transplants without waiting for an autopsy? Should he have first ordered transplants for the two patients who were about to die, but waited on the third one? If he made the wrong call, is it forgivable? The third patient was his friend. Does this make a difference, or is a life a life? When deciding whether to quit practicing medicine, is it more important to consider his past mistake or the good he could do in the future?
July 18th, 2008 at 1:27 am
I’m not sure about Dr. Cox, but as someone who has a hard time forgiving themselves when they make a mistake, I sure need to learn forgiveness. I also believe that forgiving yourself helps to be more forgiving towards others, which is a big goal of mine.
Vereds last blog post..Lima Beans in Gelatin… Mmmm TASTY (Wordless Wednesday)
July 18th, 2008 at 4:35 am
I liken this (respectfully) to the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes, who was shot by armed UK police soon after the London terror attacks. The police officers that day acted on the information they had at the time. To not do so would have been irresponsible. It was an absolute tragedy that Menezes was innocent, but with the information the police officers had I believe they made the right decision. I’ve had many discussions about this with people and many seem to think the police shouldn’t have shot him. To those people, I ask would it have been the right decision to shoot if he had been guilty and had a bomb in his bag… just like those police offers thought? There’s only one right decision with the information those officers had at the time, in my opinion.
Likewise, with the information Dr. Cox had, he made the right decision.
It’s an absolute tragedy, but hindsight is 20/20. With the information presented to him at that very second when he made a decision, his decision was correct.
And if I found myself in a situation like that, it would be those words that I would be repeating to myself. With the information I had, I made the right decision.
Jamie Harrops last blog post..What Would Be Your Ideal Home Office?
July 18th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Hi Hunter,
I think one shouldn’t get too critical of judgment calls. The outcome can be devastating like the example you had with the doctor, but these judgment calls still need to be made. It has to be hard, but I would want these decision makers to keep doing what they do and not get discouraged when they fail after making the best choice with the available information that they had.
[Can't seem to watch the video. I think too many people trying to watch it at the same time!]
July 18th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Holy crap, couldn’t have picked a more gut-wrenching decision to ask us to make, could you?
Even people who handle life or death decisions can’t make perfect ones all the time. (Glad that’s not my job …)
Dave Navarros last blog post..Live Coaching & A Free Book If You Want It …
July 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Well, we all make mistakes, and some of them have the potential to be grave ones. As a parent, my very worst nightmare must be to have my children get serious injured or die because of my mistake. That’s a possibility I am aware of, though I try not to dwell on it too much.
People can and do recover from anything. Death of family, suicide of a child, fatal mistakes. What doesn’t break them makes them stronger. That said, as with any trauma, it can take a long time and a lot of effort.
True forgiveness won’t come until after acceptance, and acceptance won’t come until you let out the feelings. It’s a heavy and painful burden to unload, but it is possible to forgive, and to heal.
ari
Ari Koinumas last blog post..You Can Be This Good: Definitive Overview of Self Actualization
July 18th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Aaah! This is too bad – really heavy. Just thinking about the scenario is making me feel so bad I wonder how doctors handle it.
I believe in situations like this one, no decision is right or wrong. Based on the outcome, we might judge and label the decision accordingly. What’s important is that we act and decide based on whatever information is available to us at that time.
Avani-Mehtas last blog post..Beginner’s Guide To Being Decisive
July 18th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
@ Vered, that’s a good point…forgiving yourself helps you forgive others. When we remind ourselves that we sometimes make honest mistakes despite our best intentions, we can see how others are worthy of forgiveness too.
@ Jamie, sometimes people need to make a split second decision, and they might need to take a risk to prevent something much worse from happening. I’m not familiar with the case of Jean Charles de Menezes, but it’s not hard for me to imagine that the police made the right decision based on the information they had.
Sometimes people are overly critical of police, thinking that they should magically know everything that’s going on and make a perfect decision every time. I think this happened in the Virginia Tech shootings, where the police were accused of being too slow to react. But how could they have known what was going to happen?
But I think the amount of time available to make a decision plays into it. If you have all the time in the world, you should make a better decision. In the case of Bonnie and Clyde, the police knew exactly where they were going to be, waited for hours until they arrived, then fired 130 times without warning. Bonnie wasn’t even wanted for any violent crimes. Understandably, some people were upset by this.
@ Al, for some reason, YouTube likes to pull their videos as soon as I post them. Hopefully this new one will stay up for a while! I agree that I’d want the decision makers to keep doing what they do, since someone has to do it, and no one will be perfect.
@ Dave, I’m glad it’s not my job either!
@ Ari, I certainly understand worrying about your kids, but it’s good you don’t dwell on it too much. If we thought about everything that could possibly go wrong, we wouldn’t have much of a life, would we?
@ Avani-Mehta, I think doctors have to be extremely tough to deal with situations like this every day. It’s a lot easier to declare something as right or wrong when you’re not the one in their position.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Hunter -
I think that Dr. Cox made the right decision based on the options available. In life we have to make decisions that are not always best but not making a decision can COST us potentially more than making a wrong one. No one can blame him for doing best with the time constraint to complete the job.
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..Warren Buffett’s 7 Secrets for Living a Happy and Simple Life
July 18th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Oh my…what a dramatic thing to happen to Dr Cox! Still, as you mentioned, such stories can be real.
It’s hard to go through life without never ever making a mistake. Mistakes happen because they are meant to “teach” us something. It may just be about learning that we need to forgive ourselves. Truly, if we have done our best in the circumstances and with whatever resources are available at that point in time, there is no need to be so hard on ourselves. Of course, forgiving ourselves, in the event of causing a life threatening situation, is easier said than done!
Evelyn
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Maps last blog post..Practising Awareness Of The Mind
July 19th, 2008 at 4:04 am
One can only make decisions based upon the facts one possesses….and one can never say, I would have done THAT if one hasn’t actually experienced the real-time terror and fright that life-or-death situations can craete.
That being said, the art of letting go and saying, I did the very best I could possibly have done….is one that takes years to learn.
Subscribing to your blog,
Barbara
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coachs last blog post..2008 Animal Planet Hero of the Year
July 19th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Hi Hunter – what a dilemma. And you really wouldn’t expect to die of rabies nowadays, so nobody would have guessed. I think the Dr made the right decision. If he’d waited the patients may have died anyway.
July 19th, 2008 at 8:02 am
In this unfortunate scenario; Dr. Cox he did what he believed was best with the information he had which, up to the point of post-operation, was considered correct. I didn’t see the episode, so I don’t know the details, but I wonder about the initial assumption that the patient died of a drug overdose…why weren’t the tests for cause of death done prior something as important as an organ transplant? Granted, Dr. Cox made the final decision but how does the person, who told him the apparent cause of death, feel knowing he said a drug overdose when it was actually rabies? That person must feel equally bad since the following decisions were based on what he said.
I believe that for the most part, we do the best we can with the information and experience we have for any situation that comes up in life.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Successs last blog post..Even with good social skills, would someone want to be your friend?
July 19th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
All you can do is ask: what would a reasonable doctor have done in Cox’s situation? Likewise, when you make a mistake, or someone around you does, ask yourself the same question. There’s also a saying that goes: if you hear hooves, think horses, not zebras.
Marelisas last blog post..Creativity Extravaganza: 30 Tips, Tools, and Resources
July 19th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
@ Shilpan, I totally agree that making no decision is often worse than making even a wrong decision. If he had done nothing, the first two patients would have died without a transplant. On the other hand, what about the third patient? There was no time constraint, as he could have waited another month for a kidney.
@ Evelyn, I think that’s a good way of looking at it – mistakes happen in order to teach us something. And that “something” just might be self-forgiveness, as we all have to make mistakes.
@ Barbara, thanks for visiting and subscribing. I know your name somehow, but I can’t remember where I saw you. I agree that actually being there and having to make the decision in the heat of the moment is very different from looking at it objectively with hindsight.
@ Cath, exactly, no one would expect someone to die of rabies, and since they had a drug overdose as an explanation, it was reasonable not to test for anything else, especially given the time pressure.
@ Laurie, I don’t remember exactly how the drug overdose assumption unfolded. They knew she was depressed, and they found drugs in her blood, and I guess her symptoms were consistent with an overdose. You’re right to consider the person or people who made this determination, but I think Dr. Cox was one of them. And Dr. Cox decided not to do an autopsy first because the cause of death seemed clear, and they needed the organs now. And let’s say the cause of death had been obvious, like a gunshot to the chest. They could still have rabies, even if it wasn’t the cause of death. It’s a lot to consider!
@ Marelisa, sometimes I really think you’re psychic. In the show they considered “what would a reasonable doctor have done” and also the “horses, not zebras” bit (though that was for something else). And I’m using the word “extravaganza” in my next post!
July 19th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
What a powerful clip. I love Scrubs. It teaches and entertains, just like I try to do on my blog.
When we can forgive ourselves and move on that’s when we are growing. I’ve made plenty of mistakes – drinking too much at weddings and acting like a jerk. I’ve learned to stop drinking so much and enjoy a more sober party. When we fall flat on our faces it’s up to us to use them to our advantage.
Karl Staib – Your Work Happiness Matterss last blog post..Productivity at its Most Effective – When It’s Easy to Apply to Your Life
July 19th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Hi Hunter,
This is my first visit to your site and wow, was I blown away! I have personally learnt that forgiveness of self is the hardest of them all. While a part of me wanted to heal so badly and believe the good things that friends or loved ones tell me, nothing was really effectively until I found the guts to allow the guilt to surface and work its toll. It definitely ain’t a breeze, and this can take years … but it IS possible to heal. People DO learn something good out of bad experiences, but that only comes when they finally get out of it. They really can’t feel the logic nor the goodness of the lesson while they’re still in the mud.
Finding that spark of courage and determination to heal is a start – people must WANT to heal and see the light, otherwise the guilt will just consume them. It’s really hard to help people who don’t want to help themselves. Instead of trying to tell them to snap out of it (which they won’t), we just need to help them find that one spark first and then work from there.
This is the first post I read after I woke up in the morning, so boom … what a wake-up call, LOL! Excellent post Hunter.
Irene | Light Beckonss last blog post..10 Things That Make Me Happy
July 20th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
@ Karl, I think Scrubs is a great show, exactly for that reason–it teaches and entertains. I had no idea you could be a drunk jerk, but congrats on correcting course!
@ Irene, gosh, I can imagine what a wake-up call that must have been! But hey, what a way to dive into my blog head first! It sounds like you have a great perspective on self-forgiveness, the kind that can only come from experience. I love this line: “They really can’t feel the logic nor the goodness of the lesson while they’re still in the mud.”
July 21st, 2008 at 1:04 am
Hi Hunter,
How do you know? When a doctor is faced with a life and death situation, they are often forced to make a decision quickly. He did the best he could with the information he had.
I’ve thought of this with regard to drinking and driving. For that reason, our family practices the “designator driver” rule. But, I usually get nominated as I only drink on rare occasions.
July 21st, 2008 at 9:23 pm
@ Barbara, I always hope that people make arrangements for driving before they start drinking. To make a decision at the last minute can very well be disastrous.
July 30th, 2008 at 3:15 am
[...] major decisions throughout their career. How do they cope with a mistake? How do they move on and rediscover their happiness? How do you forget and move [...]
September 12th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
[...] Forgiving Yourself For A Fatal Mistake from HunterNuttall.com [...]