Other People Will Reveal Your Calling, If You Listen
January 14th, 2008
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Photo by lanuiop
Earlier I wrote about the importance of finding your calling, and pointed you to some ways of finding your calling through introspection. I also said I’d write about an alternative way to find your calling without introspection. Here it is.
There’s lots of advice out there saying to “do what you love,” or “follow your heart,” or “do what you’re meant for.” The idea is that by paying close attention to who you are, you’ll be able to figure out what place your unique gifts have in the universe. And there’s certainly some truth to that. It’s essential to spend lots of time thinking about what you’re supposed to do to be fulfilled. The decision usually isn’t as easy as just picking from society’s menu of recommended career choices. If it were, then why do so many people hate their jobs?
Henry Ford once said, “The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what it is one’s destiny to do, and then do it.” Notice that he said “secret,” not “easy color-by-numbers blueprint.” Your destiny is often far from obvious! And sometimes by being too close to the problem and too entrenched in routine, we can miss things that others might see.
Yes, sometimes others know things about us that we don’t know about ourselves. Or maybe we’ve just forgotten things we used to know because we’ve gotten used to wearing a different mask. Our success is ultimately judged by others anyway, in that you can’t make a living from something unless people find enough value in your work to pay for it.
For these reasons, it makes a lot of sense to pay close attention to what other people tell you you’re good at. Not necessarily what they tell you when you ask them, because they’ll probably just make up some vague or generic answer on the spot to get you to go away. But you should pay close attention to what they tell you on their own, without being prompted.
Let’s look at an example. I was led to creating this personal development blog in large part because of three things that other people voluntarily told me I was good at: writing, creativity, and honesty.
Writing. A few years ago, my mom ran into my high school journalism teacher at the doctor’s office. They didn’t know each other, but my teacher figured it out when they called my mom’s name. It was about ten years after I had graduated, and my teacher had no idea what I was up to. She said “Just tell me that Hunter’s writing!” When my mom said I was a software developer, my teacher let out a disappointed “Oh.” That should have told me something, but unfortunately I didn’t listen right away because I was too focused on doing what paid the bills. It took me a while before I got into writing, but I got there.
Creativity. I was actually told that I was creative by a personality test more so than by any actual person, but it still counts. I once took a test (I think it was called the OAD Survey) that measures how your personality matches up with the ideal personality for your job (sounds useful, doesn’t it?). The most obvious discrepancy for me was in the area of creativity. I got a 10, and my job was ideally suited for a 2. No wonder I couldn’t stand it! Now I can use creativity both in finding solutions to tough problems, and in writing about them.
Honesty. Lots of people have commented on how honest I am, but I still don’t fully understand this. Is being honest actually uncommon? I thought most people were honest, but I guess they must not be, or people wouldn’t bother telling me that I am. Personal development is definitely a field where honesty will differentiate you. Obviously, there are lots of people out there hyping up scams or overpriced programs, books, CDs, etc. that purport to make you millions overnight, easily accomplish any goal, etc. Even a lot of the legitimate stuff is hard to recognize because it’s drowned in hype. I have some things to sell here, but even when I do have a vested interest in something, I think you’ll find me refreshingly transparent.
It’s always good to get second opinions. I’ve had people tell me I was a bad writer, that I had no imagination, and that I was lying through my teeth. So who did I decide to believe? I just went with the people who seemed credible and caring instead of the people who were making ignorant snap judgments.
I didn’t immediately connect these three qualities to blogging, but I might have done so a lot sooner had I consciously thought about it. And at this point I can’t say for sure whether my blog will become successful or lead to anything, but I found that it was immediately a lot of fun, and I know it’s something I have to do.
Don’t feel that you have to do all the work in finding your calling. Other people will do a lot to point you in the right direction, if you just listen.
January 15th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Hi Hunter, Great post. Many of us spend years wondering about what we should be doing, or what we’re best at. But as you’ve said - finding out is far from easy.
Now, the honesty part is interesting. I wonder what percentage of the population are a little dishonest, competely dishonest, or persistent liars? I would love to know this.
In my last business, I was quite shocked to discover that many people thought it was terrible that I’d sacked someone “just for being dishonest” - she’d stolen from me. And like you, it made me wonder just how many dishonest people are out there.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Hello Hunter,
What a superb post! And, it’s good to see Catherine here too.
Isn’t it a shame that honesty isn’t common? What’s that all about? Unfortunately though, it’s in the pursuit of money, that dishonesty often raises it’s ugly head. Too many people are trying to make a fast buck, and will step on anyone who gets in their way, in the process
I’m so happy you decided to blog your thoughts. I believe you teacher is 100% correct. She saw that writing ability in you many years ago, but like you said, our careers often take us away from our childhood interests. I’m sure you will make her proud, if she reads your writings.
It’s also true friends and family can see in us, what we don’t see in ourselves. Often we are either too humble to admit that we are good at something, not confident enough to take it up a notch, or maybe a little of both.
I’m looking forward to your future posts.
It’s great to see you on my blog as well, sharing your input.
January 15th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
You both commented on the honesty part, and I think it would be interesting to see some data. We could run a worldwide poll asking people to rate their honesty, but how could we trust the results?
It’s like in Labyrinth where one door leads to the castle, one door leads to a horrible death, one guard always tells the truth, and one guard always lies!
January 16th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Maybe people would describe me as a “follower”. I always listen to those I respect and both Barbara and Cath commented on what a great site this was, so I joined the flock.
That’s a thought-provoking post.
You seemed to have been encouraged on Barbara’s post about Google’s sandbox that traffic can take a while.
I think you’ll find success with this blog.
But I think you’ll also find that a blog gives you much more. The ability to share your thoughts with like-minded souls.
And it gives you an excuse to write and do something you enjoy. And I replied to a comment earlier about how I like the way that the act of writing ablog post can crystalise a thought or concept you had.
It’s a discipline which I think gets better with practice to construct a post about a topic. You have to think of the reader. And in doing so, the concept becomes more rounded.
I’ve found of late that it helps me develop a concept which I may not fully reflect upon without the act of writing about it.
For example, I’m working on a client matrix which will help us ensure our local small business clients have gaps plugged in their IT infrastructure.
And then I realised that it’s a sales tool too when I looked at the shape of the spreadsheet I was in the middle of designing.
I’m still not certain I have found my calling in life. But I am currently enjoying what I do. I will reflect on what people have said about me unprompted though a bit more.
Maybe I’m already close and just need to change a few bits to have arrived!
It’s a great way of looking at it!
January 17th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Ian, I heard the word “followership” for the first time the other day. I had no idea it was a real word, although it apparently dates back to 1928. I haven’t known Barbara very long and just came across Catherine recently, but I find that I’m following them to some places, and I’m glad you followed them here.
I was commenting on a post recently about how a blog lets you create a mastermind group; a union of people whose combined knowledge is far greater than any one person’s. And that’s definitely something that appeals to me about blogging, as well as putting thoughts down in words to make them clear in my head.
Thanks for being a follower!
January 17th, 2008 at 12:44 am
wow.. this is incredibly sound advice. I actually discovered this maybe a month or so ago.. people often commented on my talents -things I truly waved away in modesty, never giving them a second thought.
and here I am, thinking - maybe these people are onto something
I began writing for my own enjoyment - I still do. But its a pleasant surprise to see how many other people like to see what I have to say
Mind you - anyone who knows me knows my obssession with getting into med school
Its a time of discovery for me.. and its exciting - actually exploring the things that you’re good at. It doesn’t feel like work and it provides a fulfillment that can’t be found on a generic path that doesnt cater to who you are at the core
fyi - I’m hitting subscribe. I knew that ConradHees fellow had resourceful people visiting his site
January 18th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Hi, JEMi. Conrad has resourceful people visiting his site because like attracts like. It’s weird when you see people commenting on one blog, and then when you discover another blog you see those same people there. We just follow each other around!
I’m glad to hear that people have commented on your talents. It might not be easy to see what path your talents will put you on, but it’s good to at least know what other people think you’re good at.
January 21st, 2008 at 4:05 pm
This was indeed a great post. I have been trying to figure out my calling and never considered paying close attention to what others have said that I’m good at. I always figured they were just being kind or polite, but now I think twice. Good stuff. I have also subscribed.
January 21st, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Hi, Natasha. It’s always possible that people are just being polite to us, but if enough people say the same thing, then you realize that you’re on to something.
By the way, your blog looks familiar. I’ve definitely seen it before, but I can’t remember how I found it. That letter to your mom is really something!
April 13th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Hunter, I read this post a couple of days ago and really loved it, I didn’t comment on it at the time because much of what I would say had been said by the other replies. However yesterday, I had a customer come into the liquor store where I work(a great job by the way, low stress and time to read your blogs) he was 21 going on 22 and he was very nice, we talked awhile and when he got ready to leave he shook my hand and said, I know that whatever you decide to do beyond this job you will succeed, I can see it in your eyes. Wow, I wanted to say you know I was just reading about… but I had another customer. He didn’t really tell me I was good at anything, he just told me whatever my choice might be, I would be good at it. If I hadn’t been reading your posts I would have said thank you and went on. Thanks for getting these rusty old wheels a turnin! I love to read what you have to say, it truly is a gift. I am new to blogging but you have inspired me to forge ahead and find out what I am supposed to do with it! Thanks again.
April 13th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Laurie, sometimes I have that problem, where I read a post and want to comment, but I can’t think of what I can say that hasn’t already been said. I’m glad you came back to comment with this story.
I definitely think you have to listen to this person! It’s not common for a 21 year old in a liquor store to think about anything other than getting their liquor, so you must have done something that made an impression. Something you said, or something you did…but you did something!
Set a goal of figuring out what you’re supposed to do, and you will. Thanks for sharing!
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Hunter,
I read this post after finding out about your website while reading “The Last Lecture” last night. This is definitely something that I stuggle with and I can really relate to the “Stop Sucking…” quote that was listed in the book. That definitely got my attention…did you learn that from Randy?
I currently work as a doorman in a small condo building in Chicago. I had a job I really liked as a Construction Loan Administrator at a bank. I was able to use my hobby of taking photos and my communication skills to good use there but was actually fired for something someone else did and the owners didn’t believe me when I told them I had nothing to do with it, even though one was my cousin! The other person was fired too so I’m back to looking for something more lucrative. I had received a 22% raise two weeks before being fired, it was what I asked for, which was empowering on one level. I don’t feel the doorman job is beneath me, I think I’m working below my capacity if that makes any sense. I do the best I can to enhance the resident’s experience. I’m sure something will come along and that this is another brick wall on my path to something better. I relate to Laurie Reyes’ comments a bit as people always say kind things about my efforts at the building. I frequently notice people like Laurie and the “extra something” that they possess and know they will succeed too. Anyway, I like the site and have added it to my favorites. When I get a laptop, I’ll have more time to explore. Best wishes to you.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:18 pm
@ Mark, I’m glad you found this site, but I’m not sure how you did. I haven’t read Randy’s book yet–did he have a quote that said “stop sucking?” That’s pretty funny, but no, I didn’t learn that from him!
That doesn’t sound very fair about how you got fired. If the doorman job isn’t your thing, then you’ll find something better. It’s good that people are saying nice things about your efforts, because they wouldn’t say anything if they didn’t mean it. The “extra something” will serve you well in whatever you do.
Thanks for stopping by, and hope to see you again soon, Mark!
June 7th, 2008 at 4:47 am
Hunter, thanks for the kind words. The reference to your site is listed on page 184 of “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. He made a reference to your catch phrase of “Stop Sucking and Live a Life of Abundance.” It’s a quick read and very inspiring. If you’ve seen his lecture on YouTube, the book explains more of the story by filling in some gaps…I recommend it to anyone. Keep up the good work!
June 7th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Mark, thank you very much for telling me that…I had no idea I was in Randy’s book! I just picked up a copy today, and I’m sure it will be good.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:23 am
Hunter,
You’re welcome. I hope you like it. Was Randy as inspiring in the classroom as he is in the book? Just wondering. Have a great day!
Mark
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:00 pm
@ Mark, yes, he definitely was!
July 10th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
[...] into a viable career). I’ve written about this before in Priority #1: Find Your Calling and Other People Will Reveal Your Calling, If You Listen. Over time, I’ve come to have a much better idea of what I want to do with my life, but I [...]
July 12th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Hunter this is very sound advice. We are not here in a vacuum and it’s not our work to figure everything out on our own. Others reflect back to us not only our talents but our strong points of interest as well. Another good way to get this info is by asking follow-up questions on any compliment we get regarding anything we’ve done. Ask them to tell you more. Ask them to tell you what was striking or different about what they experienced with you. You might be very surprised by the responses.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Works last blog post..A New Way to Find Work that You Love
July 13th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
@ Tom, great idea about asking follow-up questions! The other person may have a lot of insight they can share that would take us forever to find out on our own.
August 6th, 2008 at 1:04 am
I find it interesting because this is exactly how very recently i have figured out what i want to do with my life/what my calling is.
This advice actually just assures me that i made my decision on the right grounds.
August 6th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
@ anas, terrific! It’s great to see people actually putting this into practice!