Photo by telefrancais

Very often, people set out to do something, and then give up because it turns out to be too hard. They find they have to put in much more effort than they expected, they receive undeserved harsh treatment from others, they see results that are far from satisfactory, and they conclude that they just don’t have what it takes.

That’s not true. Meeting with tremendous amounts of resistance is perfectly normal. It’s supposed to be way too hard. It’s the world’s way of filtering out people who don’t want it bad enough. So don’t think you’re doing something wrong. You just need to develop your mental toughness.

There’s a great scene in the movie “Rocky Balboa” where Rocky’s son is complaining about living in his Dad’s shadow and having a hard time getting something for himself. After the usual sentimental parenting talk, Rocky lays out the bitter truth:

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!”

People would do well to take this advice to heart. A few months ago, someone filled out a form on another one of my websites to request some help for the business he was struggling in. He said that he was having a hard time because his prospects were too skeptical to provide their contact information. Ironically, he provided a fake number and only his first initial (even though his full name was in his email address). In the email I sent him, I said “excuse me for saying so, but aren’t you doing the same thing?” My point was simply that you have to give a little to get a little, but he took it too hard.

The appropriate reaction on his part would have been to say “You know what? I’m guilty of doing the very thing I’m complaining about other people doing! I need to keep in mind that if I’m inherently distrustful, that will come across to others and affect how they act towards me.” A less helpful but still understandable reaction would have been to justify his actions by saying “Well, I didn’t know who you were, and I thought you might put me on some kind of list.”

But instead, he said “Because you insulted me, I’ll go with someone else. Don’t bother replying because I added you to my spam filter.” Now think about that. Because he couldn’t handle hearing something that wasn’t 100% what he wanted to hear, he decided to flush his business down the toilet. He can’t “go with someone else” because no other company does what he needs, and I’m sure he’s still having the problems he was seeking help for.

If you want to be successful in anything, you can’t get derailed by every minor imperfection in the world. If you get all bent out of shape every time a bunny is too soft or a rainbow is too bendy, you’re never going to get anywhere.

But learning not to be bothered by trivial matters just gets you caught up to normal. You have to go way, way beyond that and develop an extraordinary, almost superhuman level of mental toughness. When customers are unbelievably rude to you for no reason, when you make a mistake that causes a major setback, when people who are close to you tell you that you have no chance, you have to just shake it off and keep going.

I’m not going to pretend that this is even remotely easy. I haven’t mastered this skill myself, even though I’ve been working on it for years. It definitely takes practice, but the best way to get started is simply to realize that everything has a price, and decide that what you want is worth the price.

Developing mental toughness is, well, tough…but what’s the alternative? Quitting before you even get started? Letting unfortunate events ruin your attitude and thereby invite more of the same? Remember that at one point you decided that the life you wanted was worth fighting for. You don’t give up on your dreams just because achieving them turns out to be harder than you think it should be. You can have what you want, be you gotta be willing to take the hits. Develop your mental toughness.

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